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OK men, how many of you e-mail your female friends on a daily basis if you don't want a relationship with them, you're just friends? Here's why I'm asking.
A couple years ago, I dated a guy for a little under a year. He's the one who broke it off. I'm not sure of the exact reasons although he said at the time it was because I was more serious about the relationship than he was. We remained friends for the next year until I moved away, and he began seeing someone else (the first of a few in a row I believe). After I moved, e-mails dwindled to one every few months. I got settled in Texas, started making new friends, and really began enjoying life for the first time in a long while.
After not being in touch for about six months, I decided to write and say Hi and see how he was doing. It turned out I wrote to him on the exact day he was leaving our old town to move to where I am now (military transfer). I didn't hear from him again for a month after he moved here, then we started e-mailing once a week to two weeks (I'd write and he'd answer a week later, then I'd wait a few days before answering). We met for dinner once in October and had a nice time and talked for about two hours. I got a HUGE hug when we left.
I sent him (and every other friend I have in my cell phone) a text message Thanksgiving morning to say "Happy Thanksgiving". He sent a text a couple hours later to say Happy Thanksgiving back. Later that night (around 12:30 in the morning) he sent an e-mail to ask how my day went and asked when I would be getting back to town. I wrote back right away since I was awake, and then surprisingly he replied the very next day. Since then we have e-mailed back and forth EVERY day. E-mailing daily has never been his style so I'm wondering if there might be more to this than just being friendly. I know he's sort of seeing someone but he told me that it's a long distance relationship, and he can't see himself in a long distance relationship for as long as she's going to be gone (three years). They only dated a couple weeks before she moved. The first time I asked him if he had a girlfriend he said that he was seeing someone but immediately downplayed it because of the distance, and mentioned that he has dated others since moving to TX (dated, not slept with).
He came to my place last weekend to watch football, and that's all that happened. We watched football. I asked him again about the "girlfriend" and got about the same info I got at dinner, that it's long distance and it's not going to work, although it doesn't seem like he's taken any steps to end it. He said it would be great if she lived here, but she doesn't. I got another huge hug when he left, complete with hands rubbing up and down my back. I haven't spoken to him since, but the daily e-mailing has continued.
So what gives, is this how men behave with girls they only want to be friends with?
Well, if he makes an explicit move on you, I believe you have your answer.
If not, then he probably just wants to be friends OR keep you on the back burner. Who knows, maybe he wants a FWB?
I wouldn't bring it up to him, but just keep acting the way you have been: friendly, but nothing more and nothing less. Just see how things unravel. Keep a slight guard up though.
Well, if he makes an explicit move on you, I believe you have your answer.
If not, then he probably just wants to be friends OR keep you on the back burner. Who knows, maybe he wants a FWB?
I wouldn't bring it up to him, but just keep acting the way you have been: friendly, but nothing more and nothing less. Just see how things unravel. Keep a slight guard up though.
Thanks. That's pretty much my plan. The FWB thing won't be happening though, so hopefully that's not what he's aiming for. It might have worked (and did work) once upon a time when my life was a mess, but now I'm actually happy with where I'm at, and won't just settle for a FWB when I deserve the real deal (bf).
I don't think this is uncommon. Most of my guy friends are like this. I always get huge hugs from them, they put their arms around me while we walk, sometimes we hold hands. We are just very close and affectionate.
A couple of them I also talk to every day without fail (phone, messenger, email). I don't really think it's a big deal.
It depends on the guy though. Some just don't understand boundaries. You get that one guy who thinks a hug should lead to something else and all hell breaks loose.
I think it is very hard for me to have a female friend and not get involved either romantically or sexually. I am not the kind of guy that usually makes the first move but I don't recall EVER having any female friends where there was ABSOLUTELY nothing going on. I would not see a logical reason for emailing a female friend daily unless I had something in mind: either sex or wanting some type of fling. Sorry, but I am just being honest!
I don't think I've ever had a close female friend that involved no attraction (on my part) at all. If we end up being close friends, then we obviously get along very well. And it seems that I always end up being attracted to her, even if I have no intention or expectation of anything more ever happening. I certainly can't speak for other guys, but that's how it's been for me. That being said, I've also never been very touchy-feely in those friendships, because that's just not how I am. I had one friend with whom I'd talk on the phone almost every day, and another to a lesser extent. But at the time I also had feelings for both of them, so I couldn't say how it would have been had I not. The female friends I have had where there was no attraction really never were that close and never lasted very long. It just doesn't work that way for me.
It is unlikely a man would do something like this purely as a friend.
Ulterior motives may include:
- ego boost (i.e. to see that you want him, even though he doesn't really want you);
- to have you in his pocket, just in case, as a second, or third, or fourth, or n-th choice, in case other things don't play out;
- grooming you for a possible future relationship;
I have several IM male friends which I 'met' through various websites like for music or something in common. Some are married or involved and we've IM'd for a few years sometimes daily sometimes not. There is nothing sinister about or any underlying intentions. It's been good to bounce things off of each other or get a good laugh when you need one. One is passing through around Christmas and I'll meet him for coffee or something.
But, your situation is very different because you were once involved with this person and if you are interested in this person as more than a friend and have gotten to the point of confusion of his attitude or intentions I'd just casually ask, "What's going on with us?" No big drama, heck, just a mention of it while you're watching tv or something. You seem to be walking on a gray line, because you are doing more things together than just emailing and texting.
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(military transfer). I didn't hear from him again for a month after he moved here, then we started e-mailing once a week to two weeks (I'd write and he'd answer a week later, then I'd wait a few days before answering). We met for dinner once in October and had a nice time and talked for about two hours. I got a HUGE hug when we left.
I asked him again about the "girlfriend" and got about the same info I got at dinner, that it's long distance and it's not going to work, although it doesn't seem like he's taken any steps to end it. He said it would be great if she lived here, but she doesn't. I got another huge hug when he left, complete with hands rubbing up and down my back. I haven't spoken to him since, but the daily e-mailing has continued. 
