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Old 12-15-2009, 04:57 PM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,993 posts, read 8,907,136 times
Reputation: 8105

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ok, lets get this straight, she was threatening a kid.
hands up who hasn't done that to another kid ? "if you tell, i swear i'll................."

she tried to set fire to a bird's nest, ok,fair enough, that's not great behaviour, but we all do stupid things we regret, which seem like a fantastic idea at the time.

she tried to push her aunt down the stairs.
ok, that's your aunt's version, maybe they were arguing, and she pushed past her on the stairs ?

people make up all sorts of stories to suit themselves.

plus, she was 10 !! yes, 10 !!
have you any idea how many hormones are coursing through a girl's body at that age ?
they're like a plasma ball, they might look cute, but they're likely to blow up at you without warning !!

personally, providing she's lived a balanced life since then, i'd imagine you could put it down to a teenage rebellion hit early.

bottom line, who do you trust, her, or the aunt ?
talk to her dude, don't talk to us ?

we can give you opinions, but only she can give you answers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToddRess View Post
I would want some suggestion on this before I decide to marry her somewhere between May-July of next year. This is my first time ever getting engaged to a woman. In all my relationships, they wouldn't go beyond exclusive dating but with her it's something I never felt ever before.

The problem started just 3 days ago on a family reunion, when her political aunt starting telling me about these things she's done at the tender age of 10. According to the aunt, my fiancee was getting punished at home for picking up a fight again in school. Not just that but she threatened the kid to slit his throat if he doesn't shut up. Several days later the aunt caught her trying to set a pigeon's nest on fire. The final incident was her trying to push her aunt downstairs.
This is was the reason she had cut contact with the family for years wanting nothing to do with her, until March 2009.

I never had trouble with woman's past. I have been involved with women who had more sexual partners than me, two who cheated on an ex once, has kids and one who came out of an abusive relationship.

However, this past I just heard from the aunt is giving me trouble. I never done any of those things as a kid. This is the reason why I haven't call her all day today. One part of me wants me to think that she was only a kid then, learned from it and is a better person now. Another part is telling me to go search more about her or cancel the engagement. I think it would have been better if I had not known this. Why did the aunt had to go through this with me?
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Old 12-15-2009, 04:57 PM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,126,261 times
Reputation: 27235
It wouldn't hurt for you to go talk to a therapist (alone) about this and see what they have to say or what direction they can give you.
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Old 12-15-2009, 04:58 PM
 
17 posts, read 27,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
And in these 2 years have you ever seen anything in her behavior or with other people she knows now or stories about her from her friends that would indicate she is maladjusted?
No I have not, which is why I'm still shock right now. I don't want to end up marrying who I thought was the almost perfect wife only to discover there is something wrong with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
How old is this aunt? Does she have all her faculties about her? How disconnected is this aunt from the rest of the family?
The aunt appear to be within age 45-52 which is not too old at all. That was the only time I seen her aunt but at first didn't seem that disconnected when I went to the reunion. It was later on that she told me all this when everyone else was outside on the terrace with the barbecue grill.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Denver Metro
1,549 posts, read 2,577,833 times
Reputation: 1131
Quote:
Originally Posted by ToddRess View Post
No I have not, which is why I'm still shock right now. I don't want to end up marrying who I thought was the almost perfect wife only to discover there is something wrong with her.
The aunt appear to be within age 45-52 which is not too old at all. That was the only time I seen her aunt but at first didn't seem that disconnected when I went to the reunion. It was later on that she told me all this when everyone else was outside on the terrace with the barbecue grill.
If you are questioning your engagement over something that he aunt said she did when she was 10 with no other signs of a problem it looks like you don't want to marry her and are just looking for a way out. There is no such thing as a near perfect wife by the way.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,458,754 times
Reputation: 40198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
It wouldn't hurt for you to go talk to a therapist (alone) about this and see what they have to say or what direction they can give you.
But how do we even know the aunt told the truth??? She could be nuts or have her own agenda to sow discord.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:02 PM
 
17 posts, read 27,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
bottom line, who do you trust, her, or the aunt ?
talk to her dude, don't talk to us ?
I do trust. Just that I'm still shocked by the story. This is what I'll do several minutes from now: get the phone, call her and tell her all the details. If she denies them all then I'll just have to trust her and portrait the aunt as a composite liar.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:03 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,058 posts, read 18,252,986 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
But how do we even know the aunt told the truth??? She could be nuts or have her own agenda to sow discord.


This is a possibility, too.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:05 PM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,993 posts, read 8,907,136 times
Reputation: 8105
DO NOT CALL HER !!!

i repeat.

DO NOT CALL HER !!!

have this conversation face to face, watch her reactions carefully, you may see if she's lying or not.

if this could be the thing which gives you a deal breaker in your relationship, then you need to be sure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToddRess View Post
I do trust. Just that I'm still shocked by the story. This is what I'll do several minutes from now: get the phone, call her and tell her all the details. If she denies them all then I'll just have to trust her and portrait the aunt as a composite liar.
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:06 PM
 
17 posts, read 27,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
But how do we even know the aunt told the truth??? She could be nuts or have her own agenda to sow discord.
I don't know which is why I'm having a talk with my fiancee about this. It's sick that someone esp. one's own family member would lie about something like this? What for?

Now that tough part would be what if after telling my fiancee all the details, she tells me it's all true, what would anyone do there?
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Old 12-15-2009, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Denver Metro
1,549 posts, read 2,577,833 times
Reputation: 1131
What if she did do it and says she was messed up when she was kid, but is better now. What then?
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