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Old 12-16-2009, 12:10 AM
 
1,323 posts, read 1,344,081 times
Reputation: 1440
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonPaul View Post
You guarantee it huh? Maybe you can give him a job?
I agree with endersshadow, there's a ton of jobs out there, it just depends on the person's dedication and willingness to do something new.

If there wern't any jobs, a lot of these online job advertising sites would be out of business. Besides, even if it may be a step down, fast food is always an option.
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Old 12-16-2009, 03:08 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
7,695 posts, read 13,526,822 times
Reputation: 9127
Believe me, those low pay jobs are for the most part, hard work. I took a 75% pay cut for the job I am working now and it's much harder work than what I did before. So, here's the deal. If I was getting the equivalent of a low wage job on unemployment, it would make no sense at all to take the low wage position because I would be losing the time to look for a better job. That's how I would look at it. Once the unemployment ended, well, I would have to take whatever was available.

I have always done more than my fair share financially and have been the main breadwinner. That's OK. I'm not complaining. I don't want a man for his wallet and if you are married or in a serious relationship, you take care of each other. With love, kindness, and compassion.

After saying the above, I also have my standards. I would want my SO to make enough money to care for himself and meet his own obligations. I don't think that is asking for too much. It's reasonable especially with our economy in this mess.
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Old 12-16-2009, 04:03 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,574 posts, read 3,851,979 times
Reputation: 6094
i've been unemployed several times in my working life.

i seem to have a knack of picking companies who recruit, then get into money trouble !!

some of those periods of unemployment have been a few weeks, and the longest, two years.

at the moment, due to health problems, i'm about to be unemployed again.
it's also likely, as it's a heart condition, that i may struggle to gain further employment.

let me tell you, unemployment sucks.
as many others have pointed out, we are in the middle of a global recession, ans there simply aren't too many jobs out there.

ok, all you folk who say "yes, but i look in the paper, and see lots of jobs"
yes, maybe, but firstly, half of these jobs have already gone.
they've gone to the boss' cousin, or the supervisor's next door neighbour. advertising is a legal formality.

secondly, IIRC there are normally 20 or so folk going for the average job.
in these times, with high unemployment, there can be over 100 going for the same job.
the competition is MUCH more fierce.

also, employers are statistically more likely to take you on if you're already employed.

so, they give the job to the best, already employed, candidate, which creates another opening, which will be filled by the security guard's nephew.

see where i'm going ?

unemployment is NOT a lifestyle choice.
yes, when you are long term unemployed, you DO fall into a trap, you DO almost become lazy, you DO start setting ridiculous targets for jobs.
"pah, 10.00 per hour. i'm not working for less than 10.50"
it sounds crazy, and it probably is, but that's just how it goes !

to the OP, your partner needs your SUPPORT.
don't nag, don't add to the feelings of worthlessness he probably has, gently encourage him.
you don't tell a depressed person to "snap out of it" !!
google is a miraculous wealth of information, USE IT.
you will find hundreds of tips to support and encourage people in his situation, from people who have been there.

he's also living with his parents, so i'm guessing they're supporting him ? feeding him, housing him, clothing him etc ?
this will mean he has a "comfortable" existence, and will alter his standards of "acceptable" jobs.

be there for him, if your relationship is to grow, these are the kind of crises you need to survive, in order to progress.

**EDITED** actually, after re-reading your original post, i notice you mention how you feel he is not trying hard, and "you are the complete opposite".
one of the biggest mistakes you can make in a relationship is to project your own standards, and ideals onto your partner.
fair enough, they have a duty to RESPECT them, but not necessarily to adopt them.
people are different, it's a fact of life, sometimes it's a shock to find out just HOW different from you your partner actually IS !
but, this is how they deal with crises, and you have to respect their difference of opinion.

you do seem quite keen on leaving, or having a break,maybe your relationship isn't as strong as you thought it was ?

Last edited by bobman; 12-16-2009 at 05:31 AM..
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Old 12-16-2009, 04:57 AM
 
6,764 posts, read 13,474,994 times
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Great post, Bobman.

Secondly, no, there aren't 'a lot of jobs' to all you people who think 'do anything.' If there are retail/food jobs they are not hiring 'hundreds of people.'

Some of us are educated, meaning no employer wants us because 'apparently we will bolt' when something better comes along.

If the OP has been with her b/f 5 years, no she should not dump him. Maybe she can help him with his resume or try to get him to network a bit.

After a year, and numerous interviews, your confidence plummets.
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Old 12-16-2009, 05:07 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,238 posts, read 25,989,761 times
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I'm a male--I'm perfectly happy if she doesn't have a job.

Because I can think of a few things she can do that I'm not too good at.
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Old 12-16-2009, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Midwest USA
21 posts, read 16,245 times
Reputation: 10
if we were married this would be a differnt story. Because if I married him I'd already know how motivated he is, etc. I'd want to know that my SO is sucessful and motivated. Again throughout his life expirence working, it hasn't been. He's been laid off with every job he's had. Maybe bad luck? Maybe not? I'm not sure. There isn't anything holding him back to work. To some extent I see the point of not working a job if unemployement is paying the same. But on the other hand, he's too young to be sitting arround. I don't care if he works at a fast food place/gas station...whatever, just so he's out doing something. I understand the crisis that our country is in, and thousands of people are looking for work. Maybe I should cut him slack. I just thought a year is sooo long. I do appreciate all the feedback I've got from you all. I don't want to lose a good thing. But I also don't want an unbalanced relationship. You can't see the future but what decisions you make can alter it.
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Old 12-16-2009, 06:18 PM
 
Location: VA
549 posts, read 1,186,379 times
Reputation: 319
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasonPaul View Post
You guarantee it huh? Maybe you can give him a job?
Just to name a few places that have been hiring the last couple of years - CostCo, Borders, any restaurant, fast food joints... I worked at CostCo about a year and a half ago. My friend just got a job at Borders. I worked in the restaurant business for a few years a few years ago. Yeah, I guarantee that there are jobs available.

I know someone that got a degree at one of the toughest business schools in MD and he worked at Best Buy for 5 years (3 while in school, 2 after he graduated). The market sucks but at least he has a job...

bobman,
I feel bad for the position you're in. While I'm fortunate to have never been unemployed, I have heard stories from my parents. Vicariously speaking, I know it sucks. I may not know as well as you or my parents do, but I do understand.

However, I don't agree with your sentiments.
First, I do think that there are jobs to be found. Again, they may not be what you want but they do exist. Retail and fast food are always hiring. Retail is in seasonal mode. You get a job with hope of being hired to a real position. Fast food often has people with heavy accents or can barely speak English. If you're fluent in English, your odds are higher than the average applicant.

Second, while it's true that job openings are more likely to go to someone that knows someone... that doesn't portray the correct ratio. Most employers go through hiring phases. Seldom do they only hire one person at a time. Usually they hire multiple positions at once (this cuts down on the number of training sessions and makes paperwork confined in sessions). There aren't enough cousins and friends of employees to even fill most of the openings.

Third, if I'm not mistaken, you said something that leans towards my reasoning. People on long-term unemployment become depressed. They develop self-pity while keeping their standards too high. As your example pointed out, if a job is offering $10.00 an hour, you'll want $10.50. It's almost as if you don't want the job and you're just making excuses. Heck, if I had a family, I'd pull in as many $7 an hour jobs as I could. Which leads me to the next, and last, point.

Fourth, the boyfriend lives with him family. As you pointed out, he's in a comfortable position now. Why would he abandon it? He's not in desperation mode. There's no threat of getting evicted, no wondering how he's going to feed his kid. His mentality is messed up - why work when I make the same in unemployment? Why? So that you can solidify a job when before the unemployment checks stop coming. Why? So you can do something with your life, be productive.

Last edited by endersshadow; 12-16-2009 at 06:38 PM..
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Old 12-16-2009, 07:13 PM
Status: "busy" (set 15 days ago)
 
2,544 posts, read 2,201,381 times
Reputation: 2053
Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingstars View Post
He had to because he doesn't work. And I wasn't going to let him live with me if he's not working.

We've been together for 5 years.... you're so cut throat jason28!
When he was working, was he reliable? Did he hold down one job for a long period of time or did he have a tendancy to be a quitter or get fired alot?
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Old 12-16-2009, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Midwest USA
21 posts, read 16,245 times
Reputation: 10
He held a job that laid him off every winter for 5 years. Then got another job because he wanted something better. Held that job for about a month then that company laid him off as well as a bunch of other people at that company. Then went to school about 9 months after being employed and graduated (trucking school).
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Old 12-16-2009, 07:37 PM
Status: "busy" (set 15 days ago)
 
2,544 posts, read 2,201,381 times
Reputation: 2053
Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingstars View Post
He held a job that laid him off every winter for 5 years. Then got another job because he wanted something better. Held that job for about a month then that company laid him off as well as a bunch of other people at that company. Then went to school about 9 months after being employed and graduated (trucking school).
So he had one job that did a seasonal layoff, and another that just laid some people off. Maybe the last one hired type of deal? In any case, it doesn't look like he's a quitter.

Has he been able to find any trucking work?
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