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With all of the talk of cheating, justification and not, I thought to post a question for debate/discussion.
Do you personally believe that true fidelity in a committed relationship is a myth?
Do you believe it is possible to COMPLETELY trust a partner...that they'd never cheat...or that a partner can completely trust that you'd never cheat in ANY way?
Think about this question given that cheating is not just about a physical affair in the traditional sense, but also about affairs involving romantic intentions and partners emotionally connecting with or wanting others and so forth.
Last edited by AsymptoticFaery; 12-17-2009 at 01:47 AM..
Do you personally believe that true fidelity in a committed relationship is a myth?
Do you believe it is possible to COMPLETELY trust a partner...that they'd never cheat...or that a partner can completely trust that you'd never cheat in ANY way?
Think about this question given that cheating is not just about a physical affair in the traditional sense, but also about affairs involving romantic intentions and partners emotionally connecting with or wanting others and so forth.
Oh good grief, not ANOTHER one of these threads??
Okay, seriously, I LIVE this life - I KNOW it's possible.
And here's the thing, I know lots of other people who manage to do it too.
Okay, seriously, I LIVE this life - I KNOW it's possible.
And here's the thing, I know lots of other people who manage to do it too.
Fidelity is not a myth.
The question was thrown out to pose a debate, not to attack people who believe in fidelity. So I'd advise you not to take the thread very personally or to get very emotional over it.
I personally believe in fidelity as I KNOW I can be faithful, but I also know that when choosing a partner, not everyone will share that same platform and wiring so I think people often wind up with those that speak different languages in the area of love, communication, commitment and strength. This leans to lack of trust and lack of fidelity which is completely based on trust.
Sometimes, people aren't aware of their partners are cheating on them because as I mentioned above, cheating can come in many different forms. Most people consider cheating to be affairs that involve physical contact. My definition is much broader.
If you're expecting your partner to never be attracted to another person, you're asking a lot. Human nature being what it is, those kinds of temptations happen in spite of our best efforts to prevent them. We're all wired that way, whether we'll admit it or not.
However, being tempted to begin a relationship with someone other than your spouse is just that: a temptation. True fidelity is found in resisting those temptations. Just because we can, or might want to, does not give us leave to take action.
But, you must also understand that not everyone is strong all the time, even your spouse. There will be days when he/she is weaker than you would be in that setting, and days when that will apply to you. There will be times when you are tired or angry or hurt or just lonely and, if you don't have the power of the Holy Spirit to resist, you can find yourself in a situation which you don't want. So can your spouse. You two are together, but you are still different on so many levels that things can happen.
So, the bottom line for fidelity is to understand that people sometimes do things they don't intend to do, even your loved one and even you. At that point, real fidelity is found in forgiveness and acceptance.
The question was thrown out to pose a debate, not to attack people who believe in fidelity. So I'd advise you not to take the thread very personally or to get very emotional over it.
I personally believe in fidelity as I KNOW I can be faithful, but I also know that when choosing a partner, not everyone will share that same platform and wiring so I think people often wind up with those that speak different languages in the area of love, communication, commitment and strength. This leans to lack of trust and lack of fidelity which is completely based on trust.
Sometimes, people aren't aware of their partners are cheating on them because as I mentioned above, cheating can come in many different forms. Most people consider cheating to be affairs that involve physical contact. My definition is much broader.
So you know you can be faithful but aren't sure whether anyone else can?
The question was thrown out to pose a debate, not to attack people who believe in fidelity. So I'd advise you not to take the thread very personally or to get very emotional over it.
lovesMountains wasn't attacking you or people who believe in fidelity; she DID say that she thought true fidelity was possible She was merely making the point that this particular question has already been posed multiple times, in many different ways.
But anyway....
Quote:
Originally Posted by AsymptoticFaery
With all of the talk of cheating, justification and not, I thought to post a question for debate/discussion.
Do you personally believe that true fidelity in a committed relationship is a myth?
Do you believe it is possible to COMPLETELY trust a partner...that they'd never cheat...or that a partner can completely trust that you'd never cheat in ANY way?
Think about this question given that cheating is not just about a physical affair in the traditional sense, but also about affairs involving romantic intentions and partners emotionally connecting with or wanting others and so forth.
I don't believe that true fidelity is a myth - and this is coming from someone whose marriage ended due to infidelity. Sure, I was jaded for a long time and believed it was never possible - ya know, ALL men cheat - but then I opened my eyes and realized I was wrong. I see it every day. So yes, I believe it is possible to completely trust a partner and for them to completely trust me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AsymptoticFaery
I personally believe in fidelity as I KNOW I can be faithful, but I also know that when choosing a partner, not everyone will share that same platform and wiring so I think people often wind up with those that speak different languages in the area of love, communication, commitment and strength. This leans to lack of trust and lack of fidelity which is completely based on trust.
As you can see by reading the threads in the Relationships forum, plenty of people will agree that cheating doesn't necessarily involve physical contact. This isn't a new concept or realization. The subject of emotional affairs, and cheating in general, comes up every day in some form or another. As with pretty much everything posted in this forum, people have varying views.
And you're right, most of us know that WE can be faithful yet there's always the possibility that our partner may not feel that way. The only thing we can truly control is how WE feel; we can show our partner in all sorts of ways that they can trust us but that trust has to come from within themselves.
This is a subject that is not black and white and will be debated til the end of time........
I will never believe that true fidelity in a relationship is a myth. If I felt that way I wouldn't be married now as infidelity is an absolute deal-breaker for me.
If you're expecting your partner to never be attracted to another person, you're asking a lot. Human nature being what it is, those kinds of temptations happen in spite of our best efforts to prevent them. We're all wired that way, whether we'll admit it or not.
However, being tempted to begin a relationship with someone other than your spouse is just that: a temptation. True fidelity is found in resisting those temptations. Just because we can, or might want to, does not give us leave to take action.
But, you must also understand that not everyone is strong all the time, even your spouse. There will be days when he/she is weaker than you would be in that setting, and days when that will apply to you. There will be times when you are tired or angry or hurt or just lonely and, if you don't have the power of the Holy Spirit to resist, you can find yourself in a situation which you don't want. So can your spouse. You two are together, but you are still different on so many levels that things can happen.
So, the bottom line for fidelity is to understand that people sometimes do things they don't intend to do, even your loved one and even you. At that point, real fidelity is found in forgiveness and acceptance.
Well said!
I have been married for over 16 years and to this day will not say I know my husband 100% will NEVER cheat. I won't make that assumption nor will I go through this relationship with blinders on. I can only control what I will/will not do, not anyone else. It takes commitment from the both of us to have a successful marriage and make it worth resisting temptation.
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She was merely making the point that this particular question has already been posed multiple times, in many different ways.
