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Old 12-18-2009, 11:29 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
11,995 posts, read 11,333,232 times
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What Makes Narcissists Tick
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Old 12-18-2009, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Illinois
2,774 posts, read 1,927,249 times
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Another thing about narcissists.

They love having allies. They will praise you to high heavens to get you on their side. According to them, you parted the Red Sea yourself. That is, until they no longer have a use for you, you decide that you no longer want to be in their inner circle for whatever reason (such as you have family issues you need to focus on), or you wisen up to their manipulation.

Then you get to feel their wrath. They are really good about making others look crazy. That's why they want and need allies. When you find yourself on the other end of this behavior, it's frightening. Then you really get to see crazy.

You really do have to fight to restore your peace and your reputation. These people do NOT go away without a fight.

I watched someone on another forum do this 3 times. It was discovered that she was actually a reinvent who had done this many times over before my time "knowing" her, too. Narcissist will build you up just to tear you down.
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Old 12-18-2009, 12:29 PM
 
Location: 2nd state in the union...
2,382 posts, read 2,396,571 times
Reputation: 1569
Quote:
Originally Posted by CMichele View Post
Another thing about narcissists.

They love having allies. They will praise you to high heavens to get you on their side. According to them, you parted the Red Sea yourself. That is, until they no longer have a use for you, you decide that you no longer want to be in their inner circle for whatever reason (such as you have family issues you need to focus on), or you wisen up to their manipulation.

Then you get to feel their wrath. They are really good about making others look crazy. That's why they want and need allies. When you find yourself on the other end of this behavior, it's frightening. Then you really get to see crazy.

You really do have to fight to restore your peace and your reputation. These people do NOT go away without a fight.

I watched someone on another forum do this 3 times. It was discovered that she was actually a reinvent who had done this many times over before my time "knowing" her, too. Narcissist will build you up just to tear you down.
Excellent response. They are master manipulators, that's for sure.
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Old 12-18-2009, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,851 posts, read 51,225,654 times
Reputation: 22714
Here are a few more links:

How to Talk to a Narcissist

Personal Stories of a Narcissistic Spouse
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Old 12-19-2009, 07:57 AM
 
Location: The Jar
9,089 posts, read 4,681,034 times
Reputation: 16940
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerBoy View Post
You really work with abuse victims? And yet you don't know the psychiatric definition of "narcissist?" I only ask this because your example of the woman and the gift purse really had nothing to do with what the DSM-V (the shrink's bible) terms "Narcissistic Personality Disorder." That particular disorder is closer to that of a sociopath. Narcs. think rules only apply to others and that they are above them, and they can justify any of their deeds--no matter how cruel or thoughtless--so as to cast themselves in a better light. They can act very irrationally, and very often will break-off relationships for no apparent reason, other than to make sure that they are the dumpers and not the dumpees. They are totally, hopelessly, obsessively in love with themselves. Indeed, the name comes from the Greek myth of someone who fell into a pond from gazing at his own refelction too long.
Narcissism is far more severe and delusional than what was depicted in your example, which to me was a case of simply rude behavior.
(I was diagnosed with Narc. Disorder about 15 years ago. But I was a heavy drinker back then (sober now 6 years) and have since mended my ways and am a bit more rational. I also work with AA and CODA.)
Spot on!
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Old 12-19-2009, 07:58 AM
 
Location: The Jar
9,089 posts, read 4,681,034 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wigirl920 View Post
Excellent response. They are master manipulators, that's for sure.
Exactly!
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Old 12-19-2009, 08:03 AM
 
Location: The Jar
9,089 posts, read 4,681,034 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puglywump View Post
Yes, he actually did and if you read more about narcissists you will see this. He was very charismatic, a pillar of the community, often projecting different images. While his coworkers thought one way of him, I knew the other side. Narcissists compartmentalize their lives. They look really good on the outside, but I knew better. This is what makes it so hard to distinguish between an abuser or narcissist or both.
So true! So they don't have to think about what they have done to others.

They also will seek out inexperienced people for victimization.
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Old 12-19-2009, 08:11 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
15,549 posts, read 17,679,094 times
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My ex-DIL refused to let the school test my grandson for possible learning disabilities because having a less than perfect child would have reflected negatively on her.
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Old 12-19-2009, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Hills & Hollers of SW MO
18,293 posts, read 14,442,873 times
Reputation: 15905
In my experience with the ex, who is decidedly NPD, there are some commonalities:

a) They're never wrong. Someone else always is.
b) They never apologize for anything.
c) They have entitlement attitudes.
d) They keep book, hold grudges and tell you that you "owe" them.
e) They'll say such things as, "I'll never forgive you!" and they mean it.
f) They're passive dependents in that they'll direct everyone else's labors but perform little or none of their own. Labor is for lesser people.
g) Everyone must go to them. They don't go to others.
h) They're late for everything so they can make a grand entrance. They don't care that it's inconvenienced others.
i) Nothing you have to say is as remotely important or interesting as what they have to say.
j) Truth and reality are for them to define, and not like the rest of us would.
k) They need to be surrounded and "worshipped" by others.
l) If you disagree with them they tell you they hate you.
m) The other person is ALWAYS wrong ~~ about everything, regardless!

And that's just a few for starters.

As DrummerBoy pointed out, in relationships, they have to be the dumper, not the dumpee. Boy, howdy. When the ex left me after 25 years (I couldn't measure up to her of course), she filed for legal separation, only -- keep me on a string but on her terms. Three days later I counter-filed for full divorce. That robbed her of control and what's worse, I, a mere mortal, had just rejected HER! From that moment on she absolutely despised me. She still does and we divorced 15 years ago. The good news is, I've neither seen nor heard from her in about seven years when I got custody of our youngest child away from her and with luck, I never will again.

Last edited by Curmudgeon; 12-19-2009 at 08:38 AM..
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Old 12-19-2009, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
7,915 posts, read 4,747,583 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Ha ha I'm not trying to be rude but were you criticizing him or cutting him down or bragging about yourself? Some people react in the way you described when they are in competition or trying to share their personal life with you. Name dropping and saying how good he does things if he thinks your criticism of him is wrong seems normal.

Whatever you described doesn't sound like narcissism. Bragging, boasting, and rudeness maybe really irritating. But narcissistic people are usually extremely self absorbed and exploitative. They usually take advantage of you somehow. If you share your troubles or concerns with them, they won't take you seriously.
Yes....and they will simply use those troubles and concerns you have shared with them to further manipulate you. Well, of course, AFTER they've topped them with their own stories. They store everything that you say to them, weave alternate scenarios around them, and bring them up to hurt you later.
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