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Old 12-19-2009, 04:02 PM
 
981 posts, read 208,925 times
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I've received some criticism because, as a gay man, I don't pursue or want friendships with heterosexual men, and try to avoid them. I suppose it's rooted in the fact that it's just an odd dynamic, and I often feel as though a heterosexual male would never feel completely comfortable around me, despite how accomodating and genuine I try to be towards everyone. Also, I don't see the point in having them as close friends at all, because there is little basis for our relations, aside from maybe some common interests/experiences. I ultimately feel like we exist in two different worlds.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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Old 12-19-2009, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
2,756 posts, read 3,301,823 times
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I don't know that I'd go so far as to call you wrong; I mean, a person's got a right to associate with whomever they chose. That being said, I DO think you're a bit narrow-minded, and also probably not giving us straight guys enough credit. Having been in the music biz for many years, I've had and still have many gay friends, one of whom I probably consider my BEST friend. I certainly feel comfortable around him and I think he'd say the same about me.* In fact, this gay friend of mine has an opinion that he's fond of quoting and that I also think may be worth some thought by you. He says that alot of the perceived prejudice and discrimination that gays think they suffer stems from the fact that they "Ghetto-ize themselves. (His word!) He says they many times self-inflict their separateness and differences by making everything they do or everywhere they go about being gay. In other words, they place too much emphasis on the fact that they merely have different sexual preferences. And that's a fact that should really be not much more important than what types of food you like or what your favorite color is.
Just food for thought, bro.
Peace.
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Old 12-19-2009, 04:19 PM
 
Location: So Cal
25,203 posts, read 19,026,069 times
Reputation: 23686
Quote:
Originally Posted by justcause View Post
I've received some criticism because, as a gay man, I don't pursue or want friendships with heterosexual men, and try to avoid them. I suppose it's rooted in the fact that it's just an odd dynamic, and I often feel as though a heterosexual male would never feel completely comfortable around me, despite how accomodating and genuine I try to be towards everyone. Also, I don't see the point in having them as close friends at all, because there is little basis for our relations, aside from maybe some common interests/experiences. I ultimately feel like we exist in two different worlds.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?
I don't know if it is wrong or not, it's just how you feel. I think maybe on some level you may be right.

I've known a couple of gay guys that were cool. They never "hit" on me, as they knew I'm straight. I personally wouldn't have a problem with it.

Especially if they act "normal" not the stereotypical over-the-top type of "flamers."
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Old 12-19-2009, 04:26 PM
 
807 posts, read 879,823 times
Reputation: 680
Quote:
Originally Posted by justcause View Post
I've received some criticism because, as a gay man, I don't pursue or want friendships with heterosexual men, and try to avoid them. I suppose it's rooted in the fact that it's just an odd dynamic, and I often feel as though a heterosexual male would never feel completely comfortable around me, despite how accomodating and genuine I try to be towards everyone. Also, I don't see the point in having them as close friends at all, because there is little basis for our relations, aside from maybe some common interests/experiences. I ultimately feel like we exist in two different worlds.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I agree with Drummerboy. Why limit yourself that way? If you being gay is something that you have to raise as a potential issue to every straight person you encounter, then I can see why you'd shy away from it.

My former landlords were a gay couple and invited me to their housewarming party. Every type of person was there: straights, gays, even grandpas with their grandchildren.

The only difference between you and a straight guy is probably sexual orientation. Unless that's all you're going to be talking about, you have in common everything else!
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Old 12-19-2009, 04:36 PM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
16,840 posts, read 16,642,740 times
Reputation: 16378
Quote:
Originally Posted by justcause View Post
I've received some criticism because, as a straight man, I don't pursue or want friendships with homosexual men, and try to avoid them. I suppose it's rooted in the fact that it's just an odd dynamic, and I often feel as though a homosexual male would never feel completely comfortable around me, despite how accomodating and genuine I try to be towards everyone. Also, I don't see the point in having them as close friends at all, because there is little basis for our relations, aside from maybe some common interests/experiences. I ultimately feel like we exist in two different worlds.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?
I edited you to turn it around. What would be your response if a straight guy posted it?
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Old 12-19-2009, 04:41 PM
 
981 posts, read 208,925 times
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Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
I edited you to turn it around. What would be your response if a straight guy posted it?
It's not the same thing, since straights are not a minority.
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Old 12-19-2009, 04:44 PM
 
981 posts, read 208,925 times
Reputation: 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerBoy View Post
I don't know that I'd go so far as to call you wrong; I mean, a person's got a right to associate with whomever they chose. That being said, I DO think you're a bit narrow-minded, and also probably not giving us straight guys enough credit. Having been in the music biz for many years, I've had and still have many gay friends, one of whom I probably consider my BEST friend. I certainly feel comfortable around him and I think he'd say the same about me.* In fact, this gay friend of mine has an opinion that he's fond of quoting and that I also think may be worth some thought by you. He says that alot of the perceived prejudice and discrimination that gays think they suffer stems from the fact that they "Ghetto-ize themselves. (His word!) He says they many times self-inflict their separateness and differences by making everything they do or everywhere they go about being gay. In other words, they place too much emphasis on the fact that they merely have different sexual preferences. And that's a fact that should really be not much more important than what types of food you like or what your favorite color is.
Just food for thought, bro.
Peace.
I could easily say the same about hetero guys, as the bolded has often been my experience with them.
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Old 12-19-2009, 04:51 PM
 
Location: The Silver State
244 posts, read 504,611 times
Reputation: 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by justcause View Post
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
so, if the last question is what matters to you, no.

Quote:
Originally Posted by justcause View Post
I've received some criticism because, as a gay man, I don't pursue or want friendships with heterosexual men, and try to avoid them. I suppose it's rooted in the fact that it's just an odd dynamic, and I often feel as though a heterosexual male would never feel completely comfortable around me, despite how accomodating and genuine I try to be towards everyone. Also, I don't see the point in having them as close friends at all, because there is little basis for our relations, aside from maybe some common interests/experiences. I ultimately feel like we exist in two different worlds.
but if you want people to agree with everything you've said here, that probably is wrong.

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Old 12-19-2009, 04:53 PM
 
981 posts, read 208,925 times
Reputation: 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by lj111 View Post
so, if the last question is what matters to you, no.



but if you want people to agree with everything you've said here, that probably is wrong.
I understand.
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Old 12-19-2009, 05:58 PM
 
Location: AZ
5,140 posts, read 6,354,727 times
Reputation: 6780
You can hang out with anyone you want, but I think you're cutting some potentially good friends off before they even have a chance. I don't know why some gay guys think that straight guys are uncomfortable. The only straight guys I know who are truly uncomfortable around gay guys, are guys who I suspect are closeted gay guys to begin with. Straight guys aren't tempted to hook up with gay guys, so there is no sexual tension or discomfort. They don't have a fear of unfamiliar sexual advances because they're immune. Closeted "straight" guys are tempted, and have a horrible fear of blowing their cover; they're not immune.

I suppose there are probably a good number of bumbling yokels who are also uncomfortable, only because they are utterly stupid and can't help it. Then a few religious wackos who are uncomfortable with their own private parts. Aside from those, most straight guys are not concerned or uncomfortable.

Having said all of this, a really femmy gay guy who spends all his free time listening to Cher and show tunes, might not have much in common with a straight guy who likes working on cars and listening to 70s rock. But the issue isn't really being gay or straight, it's whether they like the same things. I know gay guys who are total grease monkeys and love sports. They don't spend much time listening to Madonna, or going to drag shows either.
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