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Old 12-28-2009, 03:01 PM
 
1,360 posts, read 1,939,495 times
Reputation: 500

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Quote:
Because you haven't said a nice thing about your wife on this thread. All you have said is what YOU have done and why YOU have done it and why YOU deserve sex and SHE isn't giving it.

So how would I know if you are doing these things?
Veuvegirl.. To be honest I haven't been intimate with my wife in over a year...and I've tried to be nice...but when it doesn't work...you shut down..bitterness and anger build up inside and before you know it...you have an attitude...believe me im not the only one...and I can say with confidence that most married men feel the way I do...not all..but I would say a majority who have tried like me and have given up...its funny in my younger years before i was married...I would hear that John Doe left his wife for another woman..and I would ask why...his wife was so attractive...I would ask did she cheat on him...No....money problems...No.....was she a B&^%$tch...No...Well WHY???...and married men would say...son someday your going to find out...."Now I know why"!!!

Last edited by tonyandclaire89; 12-28-2009 at 03:23 PM..
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:05 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,256 posts, read 8,890,030 times
Reputation: 1848
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonyandclaire89 View Post
Veuvegirl.. To be honest I haven't been intimate with my wife in over a year...and I've tried to be nice...but when it doesn't work...you shut down..bitterness and anger build up inside and before you know it...you have an attitude...believe me im not the only one...and I can say with confidence that most married men feel the way I do...not all..but I would say a majority who have tried like me and have given up...its funny in my younger years before i was married...I would hear that John Doe left his wife for another woman..and I would ask why...his wife was so attractive...I would ask did she cheat on him...No....money problems...No.....was she a B&^%$tch...No...Well WHY???...and married men would say...son someday your going to find out...."Now I know why"!!!
I agreed with you except for the part where they cheated on their wives. Why did they have to cheat? Why couldn't they leave their wives first if it was that big of an issue for them? Did they think cheating would make their wives find them more attractive?
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:06 PM
 
2,118 posts, read 4,160,862 times
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I sense alot of hurt in some of the posts. To those hurting I hope life improves. It sucks to love someone who has morphed into someone you don't recognize. Resentment is a terrible feeling. Make a point to TELL your spouse "I hurt" Don't let pride get in the way!
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Old 12-29-2009, 06:05 AM
 
1,360 posts, read 1,939,495 times
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Quote:
I sense alot of hurt in some of the posts. To those hurting I hope life improves. It sucks to love someone who has morphed into someone you don't recognize. Resentment is a terrible feeling. Make a point to TELL your spouse "I hurt" Don't let pride get in the way!
It doesn't matter goodgal...I guess nature takes its course as woman get older and lose their sexual drive...this is why married men end up leaving their wives for younger women...not so much for looks as you may believe..but for the sexual drive...
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Old 12-29-2009, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,298 posts, read 84,311,090 times
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Another factor that may cause a rift in marraige is that men often try very hard to impress a woman when they are courting her, but then once they find they've made the conquest, the efforts stop. I can't tell you how many women I've heard say they suspected their husband was cheating when he began to pay attention again to his hygiene, dress up, wear cologne, etc--things he used to do for her back in the days when he was trying to impress.

Of course, this can work both ways. A woman who used to keep herself nice but is now living in a ratty bathrobe smelling like bathroom cleaner isn't holding up her end, either.

When my own marriage was going downhill and the intimacy died along with everything else, it was because I could no longer feel attracted sexually to someone who was solely taking in the marriage and not giving back. The parenting, the bill-paying, the financial support, the housework--it was all mine to do alone, and yet he would actually be angry that I didn't want to be with him physically. Ten years later, this still puzzles me--why in the world would he think otherwise?
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Old 12-29-2009, 07:50 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,298 posts, read 84,311,090 times
Reputation: 114648
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhistlerMCMLV View Post
I'd be the proudest man on earth if I had the honour of calling her my wife. But she is my SO. And I will tell you (and anyone else who cares to listen--well, read) that if the time comes when she does grant me the honour of becoming her husband, I'm going to change in three ways:

Jack, diddley, and squat.

And anyone who has a woman like my SO and doesn't want to romance her every moment they have together is a fool.

And, for some (not all) of you characters out there who still think the way the OP seems still to think, I've got a news flash for you that I forgot to mention in my own earlier post:

Somebody worked their shapely little fanny off to make your dwelling into a home . . . and it doesn't seem to have been you. And often as not that somebody may have been holding down a job of her own outside the house. So what is her reward for making that dwelling into a home? Her husband providing things, lots of things, and then gnashing and wailing on an Internet forum because she won't do the bedroom thing on demand, or at least at (his) will.

Does it ever cross your minds that you could have (and should have) done an awful lot more to help make that dwelling a home? No, gentlemen, I don't mean adding a room or knocking down a wall to broaden a room or installing a fireplace or any of that stuff. I mean, what have you been doing when you walk through the door at the end of those oh so long, lugging, lugubrious days when you've fought yet another battle of wits with the unarmed to a draw and you've clawed, crawled, and crashed your way through yet another clusterfornication on the freeway, the highway, or the backstreets to get there?

Because the minute you walk through that door, what you ought to be feeling is that it's time to put the damn world away, a-way, and remind yourself of what made it worth it to fight those battles every day. Actually, not what---who.

There she is, gentlemen. That's the girl who agreed to spend the rest of her life with you. That's the girl who gave you her heart and accepted yours. That's the girl who looked at you with love and longing in her heart and, yes, once upon a time, her loins, because she thought you were looking at her the same way.

Once upon a time, you did look at her that way.

Somewhere along the way, you didn't just lose the plot, you might have thrown it away without even realising you were doing it. Somewhere along the way, you let the world possess you firmly enough that you forgot, if you ever knew, that even this addlepated, chameleonic, cacophonous world can't destroy what matters most in your heart if you refuse to let it do so. And you began coming back to a place to hang your hat, toss your coat, plant your exhausted carcass in a big sofa or chair, and expect the world inside that dwelling---by now you probably couldn't call it home, sadly---to cater to your every last whim while somehow managing to resist the little soft currents of rejuvenation that a real home, the one you forgot to do your part in nurturing and enhancing, blows into your system the second you open the door and begin to step through.

You see now a wife/partner who's likewise wiped. Hungering for something she seems to have lost long enough ago. Hungering for the guy who used to come home and look at her as if she was a gift from God, the guy who used to come home and want nothing more than to wrap his arms around her wherever she was and tell her, meaning every last syllable of it, that even if he'd had a lousy day, the biggest pain in the ass on the planet, it was worth it because here's the real reason he did it, and by the way, honey, how's about I kill the lights, light some candles all around, kill the tube, put on some music (quick aside: If some of you guys are waking up at last, you might think about rushing out and buying whatever copies you can find of classic bossa nova---Stan Getz, Astrud Gilberto, Jobim, Almeida, Wanderley---I guarantee it: there may have been no more intimately romantic or sexy music ever to walk the planet---Whistler) that reminds us why we got together and stayed together in the first place, and let's make dinner together, and sure I'll dance you between the counter, the burners, the fridge, and the pantry, and back, while we do it, and yes I did say we, I know a few things in the kitchen and if I don't I'm here to learn or re-learn from my lady and who cares how long it takes to get dinner done because we're doing it together . . . and by the way, darling, there isn't a woman alive who plays in your league in the kitchen or anywhere else in the house . . . and, yes, I'll feed you gladly, you just sit down there, relax, let me finish putting this together, and we'll just feed each other, we'll stay close, and by the way I hope you don't mind if I took the phone off the hook because there are priorities here . . . namely, you and, oh, by the way, who says the bedroom is the only room in the house where it's appropriate to make love and, yes, I said make love---sex is easy . . . making love is something deeper . . . and by the way thank you, darling, for making sure I never forget that . . .

And I don't mean just once in awhile to break the monotony.

Because no matter how hard her day was, all she needs is a mate coming through the door as if that's the place he most wants to be, and any and all (well, most) exhaustion will dissipate post haste. Because all she wants is love. All she wants is you. It isn't exactly that difficult to romance her when you come home. She doesn't really think it's exactly that difficult to love you or romance you.

Not until you quit being that mate.

And if you're dumb enough to quit being that mate, if you're dumb enough to start putting it into terms of provision, things, possessions, toys, you name it, you're going to lose something on which you can't put a material or dollar value. Something you can't replace.

Her.

In the bedroom . . . and out of it.
Write a book, my good man. You've got Steve Harvey beat by miles.
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Old 12-29-2009, 08:09 AM
 
921 posts, read 1,130,270 times
Reputation: 1599
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
Hi sierraAZ,

It ties in with the rest of the thread. Women who are not emotionally connected to their husbands are not exactly too excited about the random volunteer for the same reason. Most women are not interested in what those men offer which is pump and dump.
I agree with you when you say "Most women are not interested in what those men offer which is pump and dump".

That's why I don't believe in sex before marriage.
I'm a single woman but I've heard a lot of married women around me say that they've lost interest in sex with their husbands because it's gotten very boring, due to the fact that the men are only there to fulfill their own needs, & most of the time they forget about pleasing the women.

That is very selfish for men to do that, & it can worsen if there is a lack of communication which is very important in any relationship.
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Old 12-29-2009, 09:36 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,765 posts, read 40,094,448 times
Reputation: 18071
Here's my take on this question. Yes, I know that men have much stronger and more frequent sexual urges than women. Aren't most male babies born with an erection? And then there's that daily "morning wood" they get. And really, I don't think that it's that they have a stronger need for sex, but more than men lament that they can't use every erection they get... Meanwhile, as a woman, I never get bugged out by being aroused and not having that culminate in a sexual act.

If all men want is sex on a regular basis, then pay for it. And don't get married unless you want kids.

Speaking for myself, I am not interested in sex, just making love with a single man that I am emotionally attached to. I am interested in making love to him, but if he is demanding sex for the sake of his sexual release, then that is a huge turnoff to me. I also don't need to enjoy making love every day as I find equal pleasure in doing many other activities.

I don't have very much respect for men that whine about their unfulfilled horniness. What's also frustrating is that these men are a bottomless pit of sexual need. And I wish that we could just castrate them and put them out of their misery. Men that put such a high priority on their sexual urges are no better than animals... like dogs smelling a b*tch in heat. My male dogs are much better loving companions for being neutered.

Anyway, if you want more sex from your wives and girlfriends, be more affectionate to them. And don't make them feel as if every sign of affection has to lead to sex and your sexual release. Damn, I'm so happy to be a woman and not a man. Life is so much more productive not have random penile erections as distractions.
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Old 12-29-2009, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Miami, FL
3,440 posts, read 5,706,525 times
Reputation: 2264
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonyandclaire89 View Post
It doesn't matter goodgal...I guess nature takes its course as woman get older and lose their sexual drive...this is why married men end up leaving their wives for younger women...not so much for looks as you may believe..but for the sexual drive...
According to the women on this Relationship Forum, they LOVE to claim that a woman's sex drive increases as she gets older.

They should make it legal for a guy to have a mistress when his wife is giving him no sex. What's so funny is that whenever there is a sexless relationship or marriage, the guy is always the one blamed.
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Old 12-29-2009, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Miami, FL
3,440 posts, read 5,706,525 times
Reputation: 2264
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Here's my take on this question. Yes, I know that men have much stronger and more frequent sexual urges than women. Aren't most male babies born with an erection? And then there's that daily "morning wood" they get. And really, I don't think that it's that they have a stronger need for sex, but more than men lament that they can't use every erection they get... Meanwhile, as a woman, I never get bugged out by being aroused and not having that culminate in a sexual act.

If all men want is sex on a regular basis, then pay for it. And don't get married unless you want kids.

Speaking for myself, I am not interested in sex, just making love with a single man that I am emotionally attached to. I am interested in making love to him, but if he is demanding sex for the sake of his sexual release, then that is a huge turnoff to me. I also don't need to enjoy making love every day as I find equal pleasure in doing many other activities.

I don't have very much respect for men that whine about their unfulfilled horniness. What's also frustrating is that these men are a bottomless pit of sexual need. And I wish that we could just castrate them and put them out of their misery. Men that put such a high priority on their sexual urges are no better than animals... like dogs smelling a b*tch in heat. My male dogs are much better loving companions for being neutered.

Anyway, if you want more sex from your wives and girlfriends, be more affectionate to them. And don't make them feel as if every sign of affection has to lead to sex and your sexual release. Damn, I'm so happy to be a woman and not a man. Life is so much more productive not have random penile erections as distractions.
You cannot be serious with that statement.

A man and a woman should be having sex a few times everyweek, what's wrong with you?

All women are not are puritan as you are miu.
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