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I just said that b/c a lot of people had speculated that maybe she was so distant and didn't want sex, b/c she was getting it elsewhere. My point is, is that that is fairly unlikely, given her FT job and her responsibilities at home.
Hi dgfurman,
The number one excuse used to hide cheating has got to be putting in hours at work. That is a classic. They could be having lunch together and taking an hour after work once or twice a week. If the hubby is the one picking up that kid from day care.....I don't give it a 50/50 chance but it is happening somewhere.....
The number one excuse used to hide cheating has got to be putting in hours at work. That is a classic. If he is the one picking up that kid from day care.....[/quote]
Sure, it's possible. But unlikely. With her work, it would be very easy to verify her hours, and keep tabs on her. Nurses work shifts in hospitals, reg. hrs in the lab or drs office. Not like an attorney, who could call his wife and say, "Uh....gotta work on this contract some more....won't be home for a few hrs."
Also, being a woman, with small kids....I can TOTALLY appreciate the "I'm too tired." That is not a line. That is the TRUTH for a lot of women with all that on their plate. And again, b/c sex isn't the same high priority for most women as it is for men, that will be the 1st thing to go.
I'm not going to argue that it is or is not happening. I'm just saying, that as a woman with a FT job, plus a little child, and the household to take care of....the last thing you tend to think of is sex. With anyone.
So my boyfriend cheated on me with this girl he used to work with who's married with three small kids. Btw. He claimed he didn't really want kids anymore so he could focus on his career.
To the woman who said her husbands belongings would be on the curb if she ever found him cheating on her. You watch too many movies... shared property, he has just as much right to it as you do. If you're not happy, then you leave... because if I was him, I certainly wouldn't be going anywhere. I would NEVER be the guy to 'go sleep on the couch', in fact quite the opposite... In a different previous relationship, my girlfriend came to visit me at school, got mad at me for freezing her with an ice cube in bed, wanted me to sleep on the couch. She ended up sleeping on the couch.
My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years and both of us know what our marriage and relationship is based on. If you think that community property means an even split of assets, you are the one watching too many movies. When was the last time you heard a man say "Yah - wife & I just got divorced and boy did I make out great." as compared to "Wife & I just got divorced and I got taken to the cleaners". Court system favors the ladies. Sad for the men but true statistically.
As for my actual situation. I trust my husband and have never EVER had reason to suspect that he had cheated. On my side, He has never had cause to wonder or worry about me, I'd never betray his trust that way and he knows it. We come as a set. After this many years together neither of us is going anywhere.
So my boyfriend cheated on me with this girl he used to work with who's married with three small kids. Btw. He claimed he didn't really want kids anymore so he could focus on his career.
If this nurse with a young child and married to a lawyer is working full time - why? There are plenty of part time and per diem jobs for nurses. It is a very demanding exhausting job. Nurses have been known to steal amphetamines just to keep going at work. Then this woman has to deal with a baby... no, two babies. Still these were the decisions they made together.
Boy, you just WANT an argument, don't you. I am NOT saying it's not possible. I'm saying it's not probable.
I am just pointing out that the wondering off the actual OP centered around everything else he might be doing wrong.
If we stick to the OP, we have two points to make. Was she reasonable to deny him with an excuse she was tired for long periods of time? That is beside the issue of him cheating which is wrong without dispute.
My main point is if you just decide to stop having sex with your spouse, just expect fallout. That's all. If its about being a good mother, then I can hardly see how a broken home helps that much.
EDIT: People make time for what they want. She is not making time because she does not want it.
Sexless marriages where one person wants sex is a disaster. What we are seeing now is the hypocrisy , sadly, by many of the women in this forum who changed the OP to assume he is a bum. Now in the thread I posted above its the same thing in reverse and guess who the bum is? Yep, its him again. Way to go girls! The man is always the bum.
I don't think you are being fair to some of the women on this forum. A lot of us did acknowledge that a man was neglected, emotionally abused and rejected.
However, although all those things lead to understanding why he cheated, at the same time, it still doesn't make it right. You can't bring up evangelical quotes about how a husband and wife are obligated to have sex with each other, but at the same time neglect the fact that ADULTERY is one of the 10 broken commandements. That's like following only one part of the Bible and neglecting the other part.
I'm the first one to always try to justify and see the intentions of a cheater. I've been involved in quite few debates on this forum just about that, not everything is black and white, there are lots of shades of grey when it comes to cheating.
I think all of us will pretty much agree that according to original post, the wife was a misfit and didn't perform her duty as a wife neither on physical nor emotional level, however, bringing a woman into a marital bed is horrrible and insensitive. And then this guy doesn't even feel remorseful, leaves the evidence for his wife to find.
By the way, in the Bible, Adultery is the only justifiable reason for a divorce, surely you know that.
His logic is totally screwed up. Is she wrong for not trying to work on things? Yes. But how in the world does any human of intelligence think that cheating (and rubbing it in her face) and treating her the way he doesn't want to be treated will make her come around?
You can't be serious.
It actually sounds to me like he's a selfish ******* who only cares about what he wants. If that's overboard - too bad. If you want to sympathize with a cheater, go right ahead.
In his mind's eye I'll bet desperate times called for desperate measures. It was 2 years that things had been bad for them and I'll bet that the 4 months of no contact was the straw that broke the camel's back.
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The man is always the bum.
