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Are you replaceable? I don't know if anybody is replaceable. I suspect an ability to reduce people to non-dimensional characters that can be traded/swaped is a consequence of the TV generation. A fitting analogy is Star trek's holodeck. That some define themselves and attempt to garner value in relation to these perceived characters reads as a mind feck from where I sit.
You completely missed the point on that one. Read that attached quote & link.
As an aside here, if you haven't seen it, please check out Avatar if you have the chance; must do so in 3D. I went last night and it is visually stunning. IMAX probably would have been even better. The plot is predictable, but no matter.
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Actually I can answer this with context. Way back in the day I had a girlfriend when we both lived at home. So sex was a little more opportunistic. Occasionally we didn't take advantage of those opportunities. Some of those times she would simply say she was not in the mood. I came to a point where I decided I didn't like not knowing if and when and it was just more of a distraction. So I said I wanted to go could turkey. She began crying. Now she was not getting what she wanted. The hypocrisy of the whole thing was obvious. I was simply tired of managing my desire for sex and none is better than a whet appetite for it. Its one reason why my next plain Jane girlfriend was rather nice and relaxing compared to my former knock out. I really did not care if I had sex or not with her. I just like her.
Given your limited experience with women (I'm basing this on your posts about long periods of celebacy and not engaging), I'm surprised that this hit your center so deeply. OTOH, perhaps limited experience could do that as well. Either way, it's very difficult for me to grasp how anyone in their 20's isn't game for continual exploration sexually or otherwise. I cannot fathom why a young girl wouldn't be in the mood 24/7 lol. Everything is so new and exciting when we're young. Youth, ideally imo, is a constant state of revelation.
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After this I went celibate and any influence of sexual blackmail was gone for good. That is why the marriage would have ended long before 2 years for me. I would choose none over a whet appetite. I don't like thinking about what I might get. I suppose for me that would be something like once or twice a month especially when you are quite young. I am very capable of making my own unilateral decisions once sex becomes a problem. Not that I would bring some other women in the house but exposure from that would not be relevant since I would not be touching my wife or even having any emotional connection with her. We would be roommates and nothing more. The other women would never have been relevant. That is certainly why I would never agree to have sex after 4 months with 2 years of starvation. I would have long since put the concept to rest. I would have no bond with such a women.
I believe I'm beginning to understand a bit more. I may be wrong, and I hope I can explain myself well enough, but perhaps a lot of folk are coming from a space of never being satietiated despite significant longing. I imagine that can be unnerving and it results in angst and resentment. From there it's taken into the marriage contract with specific requisites to compensate. But, by the time marriage rolls around for some, their sexual foundation is akin to slab, and it's unlikley it will become anything else.
Did I SAY he had to grovel to the point of tears? If I did....or that was implied....that was not what I meant to say. When I made the comment about "pity sex" was, If my husband had gone 4 months without sex....and he was "pouting" over wanting some...(because my husband would NEVER cry if he wasn't get any).....and I offered up some to him out of pity...he'd get rug burns on his legs from whipping his pants down fast enough! I do however KNOW that I said that over the years, he's gotten "pity" sex...and been grateful. I did it out of love, respect, and compassion....NOT because I was horny!
Changing story....no problem. I'm glad for your husband gets real sex. But this thread is about a man who was getting nothing but pity sex for two years. The worst of it was when he finally got so frustrated he was crying. No man should have to go through that.
I stand by the poor guy was at desperation point when he cheated and while I don't approve of cheating he was pushed to it and now it's time for him to pack it in. This woman is not worth what he's going through.
As an aside here, if you haven't seen it, please check out Avatar if you have the chance; must do so in 3D. I went last night and it is visually stunning. IMAX probably would have been even better. The plot is predictable, but no matter.
Thanks Brauwyn. I love good Sci-fi.
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Given your limited experience with women (I'm basing this on your posts about long periods of celebacy and not engaging), I'm surprised that this hit your center so deeply. OTOH, perhaps limited experience could do that as well. Either way, it's very difficult for me to grasp how anyone in their 20's isn't game for continual exploration sexually or otherwise. I cannot fathom why a young girl wouldn't be in the mood 24/7 lol. Everything is so new and exciting when we're young. Youth, ideally imo, is a constant state of revelation.
Actually, I just didn't have sex. That is how I got to know women so well after knowing nothing. I did not have steady girlfriends but met a lot of women as a result and especially in college. I had perfect objectivity. Many wanted me to make them my girlfriend. I would even go out to dance or talk but did not want anything more. I was in a bit of a bind. I preferred being single, but did not believe in casual sex. . I choose the former and not the latter. I did more or less not relate with any women between 25-30. So there was that period of time.
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I believe I'm beginning to understand a bit more. I may be wrong, and I hope I can explain myself well enough, but perhaps a lot of folk are coming from a space of never being satietiated despite significant longing. I imagine that can be unnerving and it results in angst and resentment. From there it's taken into the marriage contract with specific requisites to compensate. But, by the time marriage rolls around for some, their sexual foundation is akin to slab, and it's unlikley it will become anything else.
Poppy ****. That's what you guys like to tell yourselves. OTOH, a woman goes out and does the same thing and she's called a ****. lol It's more mental mind feck masturbation some of you like to engage in. You (general you) cannot see past your own noses.
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Men who could, had them. There is no concept of replacement in men. Men accumulate what they may. Women on the other hand certainly do have that concept. They don't need two sets of blueprints. Men do not wax poetic about that one irreplaceable women to the exclusion of all others at the same magnitude. That is why men remarry faster. They do not replace, they add.
I think those that remarry faster are just attempting to latch on to another teet. No matter how hard they try, they'll never find their way back to the womb.
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The monogamous compromise is every man gets a woman and women don't have to share him. However it is obvious that humanity has some polygamous tendencies.
Indeed. Most in my circle lean on the polyamorous side, which lends to my obvious inability to grasp where most of you are coming from when discussing these issues.
You completely missed the point on that one. Read that attached quote & link.
Hi Nutz76,
You do need to take something into account and that is it depends on what man we are talking about. The fall out of polygamy is that it benefits high status men and low status women at the expense of high status women and low status men.
Some men are lucky to have one woman at all. If every man were to implement the threat of his paramour some men would run out of women with which to threaten.
A man with status or desirability will certainly have this power. If he wants to impress upon the women he is with that he has options, he can. Incidentally, that is what we are seeing in the hook up culture. Women's power over desirable men is slipping just as undesirable men see what ever power they had disappear. That is because low status women and high status men have had a boost in leverage that polygamous behavior provides.
Poppy ****. That's what you guys like to tell yourselves. OTOH, a woman goes out and does the same thing and she's called a ****. lol It's more mental mind feck masturbation some of you like to engage in. You (general you) cannot see past your own noses.
Hi Braunwyn,
Why is it that you think this is some fantasy of mine? I actually find it repulsive. I just point to the fallout. Its just not visible to you. I see modern versions of harems by sight and by the numbers. Young women are more sexually active than their male peers. That is because women are rotating through a smaller band of men.
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I think those that remarry faster are just attempting to latch on to another teet. No matter how hard they try, they'll never find their way back to the womb.
Nope. You have individual exceptions but today is not the day I will be talked out of my evolutionary psychological point of view. Men are bred to add women, not seek replacement.
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Indeed. Most in my circle lean on the polyamorous side, which lends to my obvious inability to grasp where most of you are coming from when discussing these issues.
I am well aware of the hookup culture. I am like Dostoevsky, foreign in my own land.
You completely missed the point on that one. Read that attached quote & link.
I read it. My response is meant for both you and Rollo.
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Originally Posted by gwynedd1
Thanks Brauwyn. I love good Sci-fi.
Not to harp, make sure you do the 3D. I'm inspired to bust out my air brush after watching it lol. It's too cold, tho.
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Actually, I just didn't have sex. That is how I got to know women so well after knowing nothing. I did not have steady girlfriends but met a lot of women as a result and especially in college. I had perfect objectivity. Many wanted me to make them my girlfriend. I would even go out to dance or talk but did not want anything more. I was in a bit of a bind. I preferred being single, but did not believe in casual sex. . I choose the former and not the latter. I did more or less not relate with any women between 25-30. So there was that period of time.
Poo poo on perfect objectivity. I commend your efforts in the celebate path, but I think it's limiting to build your house on sparse experience. Any way, sexual exploration can be so much more than casual sex. I'm not talking of kids going to the club, picking somebody up, and going home in order to reach orgasm with another person in the room. Mindfulness is the requisite here, which weakens any power personal baggage can bring. Of couse, all involved are ideally on the same page. And it certainly doesn't have to involve several people, or for that matter, anyone other than yourself.
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I think you do see that point of view.
I've learned something from this thread, then. It has taken several pages.
Changing story....no problem. I'm glad for your husband gets real sex. But this thread is about a man who was getting nothing but pity sex for two years. The worst of it was when he finally got so frustrated he was crying. No man should have to go through that.
I stand by the poor guy was at desperation point when he cheated and while I don't approve of cheating he was pushed to it and now it's time for him to pack it in. This woman is not worth what he's going through.
Guess you aren't going to give one for the team..You as a behaviorist are missing the point that is obvious..what made her react this way to her husband? "Every action has a reaction" Hers was obvious...resentment /anger..but that is my take on it.
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