U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-27-2009, 07:53 PM
 
1,891 posts, read 3,834,603 times
Reputation: 1463

Advertisements

Teddy is a very down-to-Earth man. A diligent attorney. A family man who loves his young child.

Teddy surprisingly begins to vent. His marriage, I find out, has been on the rocks. He has been married for 5 1/2 years and a father for a bit over 2. Funny, but a bit on the "macho" side, and not too sensitive or emotional. Well, so I thought, until this moment.

Teddy confided in me that he and his wife, Sarah, have been having marital issues. Things went well for the first few years of their marriage, but after their kid was born, things went downhill.

Basically, Sarah has stopped being a wife and is now only a mother. She gives him much less attention than she did before.

Teddy told me that he has tried repeatedly to make things better, but he's tired and has now decided to treat her the way she treats him.

He has repeatedly asked her why she has changed. She claims she's always tired - but so is he. She's a nurse and he is a lawyer. So he asked her what he can do to make things easier for her at home. Her answer was for him to help more at home. OK, Teddy said. The dishes, the trash, etc. He began doing a large chunk of the chores.

And yet Sarah continues almost completely uninterested in sex - he had recently gone through a drought that lasted FOUR MONTHS.

He insists that isn't fair, and that he'd be happy with once a week, but she repeats the same excuse: "I'm tired."

The final straw, Teddy said, was on a recent holiday. He and Sarah drove over to his parents' for a family dinner. They had had an excellent time and he was excited and encouraged, so as soon as they got home, he showered and came out to his bedroom... to find Sarah sleeping.

Teddy had it. This hard-nosed, gun-collecting, military-veteran attorney broke down. He stepped outside the bedroom and wept.

The next day, he woke up and started crying again. Sarah asked what was wrong, and he told her. She said, "OK, we have two hours until lunch, when my parents come over." He said, "I'm not in the mood anymore."

He has gotten so sick of her stubbornness and disinterested attitude that he openly committed adultery - something he would never have done - and didn't regret it. He met a girl at a bar, brought her home, and took her to her home the next day. But there was physical evidence of the girl's presence in their bed. Sarah found it and confronted him - and he not only readily admitted it, but he said, "you are never available. Emotionally, physically, you are distant. To you the only thing that matters is our child. You never initiate; you never want to go out; you just have no interest in sex whatsoever. Now, if you want to end it all, fine, because you know what? I'm sick of this sh*t. Your call."

Sarah was so stunned she had nothing to say. She quietly swallowed her pride, and they both put this incident behind them.

He says she never, EVER apologizes, and what kills him is both her lack of interest in sex AND the fact she seems to have no interest or desire to repair the marital relationship. Teddy, for all his pride, is willing to seek marital counseling. But based on what he has told me, Sarah would never seek that on her own initiative. Teddy figures that if he did nothing, things would never change.

Teddy ended it all by saying he will seek marital counseling, but if things do not work out, he will not hesitate to end this marriage.

Now, before you judge him for cheating, I want to ask...

1. What could possibly lead a woman to act this way?
2. I am willing to grant latitude if women say women's bodies change after chidlbirth, but is it normal or even proper for a wife to "starve" her husband because she just "doesn't feel like it?"
3. Is it normal for a married woman to forget being a wife and to just focus all her attention on the child?
4. Married men, if any of you went through something similar, what happened with your marriages?
5. Married women, if YOU were like Sarah, what happened with your marriages?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:02 PM
 
11,672 posts, read 13,873,542 times
Reputation: 19019
What a joke. He sounds like a cad. He "decides to treat her the way she treats him" and he openly cheats without regret and turns it on her when she asks about it. And he expects her to all of the suddenly fall all over him again?

Maybe instead of blaming her for everything that's wrong, he should encourage her to do something for herself (and their relationship in turn) by taking some time off and getting a checkup at the dr for health problems.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:04 PM
 
1,891 posts, read 3,834,603 times
Reputation: 1463
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
What a joke. He sounds like a cad. He "decides to treat her the way she treats him" and he openly cheats without regret and turns it on her when she asks about it. And he expects her to all of the suddenly fall all over him again?

Maybe instead of blaming her for everything that's wrong, he should encourage her to do something for herself (and their relationship in turn) by taking some time off and getting a checkup at the dr for health problems.
Is it ever acceptable, normal, or otherwise "OK" for a married woman to make her husband go through a four-month sex drought?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:06 PM
 
11,672 posts, read 13,873,542 times
Reputation: 19019
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
Is it ever acceptable, normal, or otherwise "OK" for a married woman to make her husband go through a four-month sex drought?
I'm sure it would depend on the situation. I don't think it's good for a relationship, but there are bound to be underlying reasons for it - who's to say if they are acceptable.

Sounds to me like this guy's acting like a big ninny cause he can't get any.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:07 PM
 
1,891 posts, read 3,834,603 times
Reputation: 1463
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
I'm sure it would depend on the situation. I don't think it's good for a relationship, but there are bound to be underlying reasons for it - who's to say if they are acceptable.

Sounds to me like this guy's acting like a big ninny cause he can't get any.
If you are married, Spinx, or have been... what could possibly lead a woman to go from active and great wife to "sexual coma" and complete unresponsiveness to her husband's efforts to make the marriage better? Asides from his adultery, he is trying and she isn't responding - and this is wearing him down.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:11 PM
 
11,672 posts, read 13,873,542 times
Reputation: 19019
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
If you are married, Spinx, or have been... what could possibly lead a woman to go from active and great wife to "sexual coma" and complete unresponsiveness to her husband's efforts to make the marriage better? Asides from his adultery, he is trying and she isn't responding - and this is wearing him down.
From personal experience, I can tell you that I would only consistently turn down my SO if he was just no longer doing it for me. And, in that case, he would no longer be my SO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:13 PM
 
1,891 posts, read 3,834,603 times
Reputation: 1463
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
From personal experience, I can tell you that I would only consistently turn down my SO if he was just no longer doing it for me. And, in that case, he would no longer be my SO.
Then by your logic Teddy is entitled to have Sarah no longer be his SO since she is not doing it for him. Oh wait he technically already has.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:15 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,699,632 times
Reputation: 22158
Too bad they didn't have a Christian marriage.

Acts 17:11 Dialog: Denial of Sex Within Christian Marriage--a Sin

The Christian view of marriage is that each "owns" the body of the other and cannot simply refuse sex except for specific reasons.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:16 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,371 posts, read 12,316,596 times
Reputation: 10279
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
If you are married, Spinx, or have been... what could possibly lead a woman to go from active and great wife to "sexual coma" and complete unresponsiveness to her husband's efforts to make the marriage better? Asides from his adultery, he is trying and she isn't responding - and this is wearing him down.
There isn't enough information in your post to answer your question. There could be a lot of different reasons why she lost interest. Off the top of my head -

She has a physical problem
She hates him
He's a bad lay
He hates her
He got fat and she's now repulsed
She got fat and feel so self conscious she can't become sexually excited
They've been drifting apart for years, and only now noticed since a line was crossed

Who knows. We'd need to hear more about their day to day lives in the days leading up to the death of their sex life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-27-2009, 08:16 PM
 
11,672 posts, read 13,873,542 times
Reputation: 19019
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
Then by your logic Teddy is entitled to have Sarah no longer be his SO since she is not doing it for him. Oh wait he technically already has.
If they're married - she is the SO regardless of sex. He needs to man up and divorce her if he wants to ***** around with other women.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top