My factory worker husband bores me intellectually (American, spouses, friends)
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I don't think OP is complaining about the work her husband is doing. Who cares - blue collar or white, it is lack of motivation and ambition that bothers her. Apparently WCW is very ambitious and sees a lot of potential in her kids. I couldn't look at my ex as a partner when there is no goals or insparation.
I would recommend my children get blue collar jobs if that is the type of work that interests them, but I recommend that they go to a vocational technical school to learn a trade. Working in a factory is good honest work but my husband has no trade and has been doing the same unskilled job for over 20 years. This is not a good role model for kids who are doing very well academically.
Are you serious?? This country was built on back-breaking, hard work by men just like your husband. They went out every day into the pits of hell to provide for their family and you have the nerve to say something so insensitive! There are countless highly intellectual families who's kids are constantly in trouble or on drugs because Mommy or Daddy wasn't there for them. They were always working or off to some social event being "intellectual" with friends/peers/mistresses/boytoys.
This only drives home my point that having/not having a degree has NOTHING to do with how smart a person really is!
When I met my husband twenty four years ago, we were both teenagers living in a small town in PA. It was the basic small factory town common in PA where almost every man went to work out of High School and lived the factory life. My husband is blue collar working class, true and blue. If you were casting for a movie and wanted someone who looked like a blue collar factory worker- he would be the right choice.
But now we are in our forties and he is still in the factory but in a larger town and I work as an Attorney. My intellectual skills, education and income has gone way up from the day we got married. He is still the same person. He does not read, follow the news, talk about interesting things, or do anything to expand his mind or career.
We do not fight, just exist in the same house. We have four kids which makes a divorce difficult. He knows I am frustrated with him but can not change. Sometimes I think he does not have the intellectual skills to move out of his factory working class existence.
What should I do? I have passed my husband by mentally, emotionally, financially, occupationally, and intellectually. (Yes, I know I sound like a snob, but we are opposites)
Divorce him, marry me, I'll stay home and be what ever you want me to be. (As long as your paycheck stays LARGE.)
Still -- the thing the "OP" would likely find is that the men she does consider worthy aren't looking for mental stimulation if they can find a 25 year old bimbo that stimulates them in physical ways. The reality is -- many men she would consider good enough are doing the same thing only they're tossing their boring wives aside for a younger model wife.
To me this would be a typical mid-life crisis kind of thing. To throw everything you've worked for, built together with someone away for a fantasy that there is Mr or Miss Perfect out there waiting for you.
Caring and spending time with 4 kids whose family has now been torn apart expecting a Knight in Shining Armor with a post graduate degree to come knocking on the door isn't even practical unless he has also thrown away his family for only the same reason.
I don't recall ever reading the OP describe her perfect man as the wealthy, trophy-wife seeking player. All she said was that she wanted an intellectual/mental connection. I seriously doubt the majority of college professors (the perfect example of intellectuals) are tossing their wives into a black pit in exchange for hot, young models.
I don't think she is throwing away everything she worked for. Does her job not count as something she's worked for? I also don't believe she has a hazy fantasy about Mr. Perfect waiting on his white horse for her. I genuinely think that she married too soon, before finding out who she truly is. Call me selfish, but I do not condone ANYONE to stay with another person that they are slowly growing to loathe. Life is too short to submit yourself to unhappiness.
And what's so horrible about a post graduate degree? You say it like it's a bad thing. I know intellectual people that don't have a graduate degree. They're wonderful people and have a vivacious hunger for life and experiences. They're smart as a whip too - and informed. However, naturally there would be a greater proportion of "intellectual" - I'm starting to forget what this word even means! - types with graduate degrees simply because they've had more education. I don't know why some people on this forum associate higher levels of education with snobbery or pretension. Furthermore, I fail to understand the level of dismissiveness some people have toward graduate degrees. While there are harder things in life to accomplish, getting a graduate degree isn't exactly a walk in the park. It's not an excuse to have a superiority complex, but it is something to be proud of.
I would recommend my children get blue collar jobs if that is the type of work that interests them, but I recommend that they go to a vocational technical school to learn a trade. Working in a factory is good honest work but my husband has no trade and has been doing the same unskilled job for over 20 years. This is not a good role model for kids who are doing very well academically.
It always interests me when people speak of a job as being unskilled--but couldn't manage to do the job themselves--or at least, not efficiently. Every job is skilled.
This will be blunt and perhaps harsh, but here it goes.
If you absolutely cannot withstand this situation, as he will not change and is evidently your intellectual inferior: divorce him.
If however you think that for the children's sake, it's better to stay put: endure.
I am not trying to be unsympathetic. I myself consider myself a fairly intellectual type and cannot stand individuals who bore me intellectually. I will not date a beautiful idiot and prefer not to be close friends with unintelligent men (and women). Which means I can completely relate to how you feel.
I don't recall ever reading the OP describe her perfect man as the wealthy, trophy-wife seeking player. All she said was that she wanted an intellectual/mental connection. I seriously doubt the majority of college professors (the perfect example of intellectuals) are tossing their wives into a black pit in exchange for hot, young models.
Well many of the ones who are throwing their boring wives into a black pit are going to look for younger women - that's a common enough complaint of older divorcees, that the successful available men their age marry "down".
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I don't think she is throwing away everything she worked for. Does her job not count as something she's worked for?
Throwing away a family might be -- it depends on what she's been working for the last 20 years, and if it's all about the job, that might be good because that may be all she ends up with in the end.
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I also don't believe she has a hazy fantasy about Mr. Perfect waiting on his white horse for her.
I hope she doesn't, because in reality a woman over 40, educated or not, with 4 kids will often encounter problems finding or keeping Mr. Perfect. What she could find is that some woman would grab up Mr. Blue Collar Working Man, and Mr. Perfect never shows up. The 4 kids might not like Mr. Perfect at all, may hate him and prefer Dad the nice boring guy. If the kids act up, they may chase off Mr. Perfect. Or the kids go to live with ole boring Dad and he gets 50% of her income to support them and Mr. Perfect might not like that too much.
I just think people have to be careful when they get a mid-life crisis.
So far the common response is that because I had marriage vows I am supose to stay with my husband for life even if we do not have anything left in common.
The kids are 7,10, 12, and 16.
And whatever -- because there are 4 things you have in common and always will.
You and your dh got married young, and now, after many years and kids together, you have grown apart, made worse by the fact that you continued your education, and he did not.
I can understand why this would make you miserable. It would me too. But like other posters have said, only you know what is the best choice for you. You have 4 kids - are you ready to be a single mom, with 4 kids, b/c you and your dh are more like roommates now? B/c that is the most likely outcome, if you divorce.
Are there interests that you and your husband could enjoy together? Maybe movies, that you can talk about afterwards, or starting an exercise program together.....If nothing else, you may want to try counseling first and see if a neutral party can help you two come to some decision about your futures, together or not.
First you were a man, then a woman, then a man, now you're a woman again. Hows that mannish haircut working out for you Brainy?
And please...I'd bet money that all those IP addys match or you're behind a proxy if you know how to use one. One thing in common w/ all your screennames is that you state you are intellectually superior/genius, so maybe you do.
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