My factory worker husband bores me intellectually (reason, people, like)

[Frihed89]

Humm. I have an MA, MS and Ph.D. I am a consultant. My wife has the equivalent of a US GED and is a pædagog. I read history and philosophy. She reads romance novels. I like classical music. She likes Euro-pop. I like to waltz; she likes to Frug. Get the picture.

Every second I spend with this woman intrigues, excites and engages me. I live in such a small, boring world.

[Steve Bagu]

May be an old thread but those things are still happening today.

My late wife only had less them two yrs of high school when I met her.....I was still in College at that time.

I still married her....wonderful woman and gave me five children....am I sorry?.....NOPE.

[mainebrokerman]

white collar worker,,,that was the original name to the bto song "takin care of business"

some guys are keen and clever but not very book smart...and some guys that work with their hands, thats all they know, and they hang with like minded peers, so, sometimes the labels of different groups fly- such as you mentioned.

if you have matured and evolved , at personal growth, thats a good thing- you explained this very well, without being condescending, so, normally i'd jump all over the spouse thinking they've moved "beyond" but I wont here...
relish in your enlightenment- think of it as personal growth..

your hubby may be a challenge-but you've got to think of different approaches-whatever group you want to run/hang with- find someone your hubby would get along well in- another husband with similar interests, etc

lay low on your new friends or crowd, he doesnt want to hear it- somehow, bank some goodwill, so he will volunteer to do something YOU want to do

one woman i was with,,,would say - fridays were my night to plan whatever I wanted to do and she would have to go along with it, but
saturday nights was her night to plan- and id have to go along with it....
so, i'd have to tag along to some things that weren't my comfort zone,,but i gave it a chance

try to get him to do something like this.

be extra nice to him, and when he asks, why? just lightly tell him, you are hoping he will return the favor-

[Garfunkle524]

Originally Posted by Mr Spock

My wife says the same thing about me. She is the professional in the family and I spend all my time spinning my wheels I low paid HR jobs. She says I am boring because I am not as professional and intellectual as her. So I can relate to the discussion on this thread.

Just be happy she doesn't have a document that you need that would take all of your competence, expertise, and cunning to retrieve. It would be the end of your marriage.

[JerZ]

I can see what she's saying about the "intellectual" thing, although it may have come off badly. I'm not a genius, and I don't need to be with a genius. But if I can't hold a truly fascinating conversation with my partner at least once in a while, I lose interest, fast.

It's no more snobby, shallow or unreasonable than saying you can't be with a person who's overweight, or a person who doesn't like the outdoors if that's very important to you, or a person who has no career ambitions (male or female), etc. This is just her personal "thing."

Now, on the other hand, you'd think she knew before they got married that he wasn't the intellectual type. OTOH, having been with someone for years and no longer having the distraction of an early marriage and actively raising children, it's possible this lack was overlooked by her at first, or that other things were great enough about her husband that she wanted to be with him. (Ugh, sorry for the run-on sentence.)

Now that the distractions are gone AND he doesn't want to/can't have a conversation that will get her intellectual juices flowing, AND he doesn't want to go out or do anything, well...there may just not be much left there.

I can understand this.

OP, I worry that it's not going to get better from here. If, OTOH, it is something like depression and he's willing to get help for that, perhaps there's hope. Otherwise, you truly have grown apart. Perhaps you should let one another go.

[floridadreamer]

I'd say if you're not happy, then you're both better off with other people. If you simply have the "grass is greener" mentality, and can't realize that there's nothing wrong with the way he is, the two of you are simply not compatible any longer. Perhaps you are the one that needs to finally make a decision about what you want. However, if he simply doesn't think it necessary to nurture your relationship by taking an interest in you, then personally, I would want to move on anyway.

[Chip Morton]

Her husband:

Portrait of a blue collar worker. by kkgas - Stocksy United - Royalty-Free Stock Photos

Her and her friends:



Do they look like they would have a lot in common?

[Shanksalot]

Not sure if you're being serious with this, but what you're experiencing if true is what many, many, many, many have had to deal with over the centuries. Any man who would come on here and post what you did would probably get mercilessly ridiculed, but apparently you think that because the shoe is on the other foot and because you're a woman you have a legitimate beef and want sympathy. Not sure what your marriage vows were when you chose to get married, but usually they include something like "for richer and for poor" and "for better and for worse".

Originally Posted by White Collar Worker

When I met my husband twenty four years ago, we were both teenagers living in a small town in PA. It was the basic small factory town common in PA where almost every man went to work out of High School and lived the factory life. My husband is blue collar working class, true and blue. If you were casting for a movie and wanted someone who looked like a blue collar factory worker- he would be the right choice.

But now we are in our forties and he is still in the factory but in a larger town and I work as an Attorney. My intellectual skills, education and income has gone way up from the day we got married. He is still the same person. He does not read, follow the news, talk about interesting things, or do anything to expand his mind or career.

We do not fight, just exist in the same house. We have four kids which makes a divorce difficult. He knows I am frustrated with him but can not change. Sometimes I think he does not have the intellectual skills to move out of his factory working class existence.

What should I do? I have passed my husband by mentally, emotionally, financially, occupationally, and intellectually. (Yes, I know I sound like a snob, but we are opposites)

[rego00123]

You spent more time with others due to your professional lifestyle and now you cannot relate to what you have at home...do as you wish, that's what got you here in the first place.

[JustJulia]

The thread is from 2009 and the OP is no longer a member.