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Old 12-30-2009, 09:37 AM
2,484 posts, read 7,800,902 times
Reputation: 1906


Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
My grandmothers were virtual slaves to their husbands.
MMM bondage
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Old 12-30-2009, 09:47 AM
1,855 posts, read 2,821,678 times
Reputation: 1154
you dont like sex...hmmmm...thats a new one on me.
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Old 12-30-2009, 09:53 AM
Location: southern california
54,035 posts, read 70,840,468 times
Reputation: 45843
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
My grandmothers were virtual slaves to their husbands.
we loath our grandparents concept of obligation of home and marriage (inc sex and respect). we have tried to replace their concept of marriage and home with our own. we have failed.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:20 AM
Location: Maryland not Murlin
8,184 posts, read 21,372,386 times
Reputation: 6108
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely View Post
There has been lots of interesting conversation on this board about what it means to be a good husband or wife. And when someone should consider divorcing their spouse.

One of the main conflict points of many married couples is frequency of sex. In another post I told everyone I really do not have much of a sex drive and have always felt that the act of having sex was kind of ugly, dirty and unpleasant. It does not have anything to do with my wife, who is just wonderful, my feelings about sex would be the same no matter who I was married to.

I am sure my wife is telling her friends about our unsatisfactory sex life and they are telling her to demand more sex from her husband (me). They are probably saying that it is a husband's role to keep his wife happy sexually and romantically. But is that really the case?

Does a husband have a ethical and moral obligation in a marriage to have a sexual relationship? Just like his obligation of: being a good father, provider and communicator. (Remember, we can not fake interest like a woman can)
I don't care if you are Weekend Traveler or mofo Santa Claus, I think that this is a legitimate question, and, one that if asked in another forum or by a more respected member of this forum, would illicit more positive responses.

No one is obligated to have sex with anyone, you do not owe a sexual relationship to anyone. Sex does not equal love or compassion, it is simply a means to fulfill a desire. It has nothing to do with being in love, being close to someone.

With that said, sex is a part of a healthy, physical, relationship and the sex part is what, in reality, separates friendships from dating. Every relationship needs a solid foundation of compassion, understanding, and compatibility. Two people can be in a committed non-sexual relationship and get along famously, but the optimal thing to keep in mind is that the other person needs to be onboard the same train.

You are not into sex, but your wife is. While you do not owe it to her, she has every right to want, and desire, a sexual relationship from her husband. If you won't, or can't, deliver, then she is going to eventually seek it out elsewhere.

And yes, men can fake interest. Contrary to popular belief, men can, and do, get erections for a variety of non-sexual reasons. It is just something that can happen and every man will find himself standing at attention form time to time with no real reason as to why.

There is also fantasy. While you may not be into the person you are doing it with, you can conjure up someone (mentally) that you are. Works like a charm, but never, ever, tell the woman you are currently poking that you are thinking of someone else.

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
It depends on why you don't like sex. Some people are asexual and this is pretty much a sexual orientation in itself. Some people just don't have the desire for sex but live very fulfilling lives.

You were conditioned to think that sex is wrong. You'd benefit from counseling but, if you are fine with it, you should have married someone who feels the same way, as opposed to expecting your wife to live with this. It's simply not fair.
Ah, a voice of reason!
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:21 AM
Location: Amarillo, Tx
622 posts, read 1,073,833 times
Reputation: 661
Dude. Listen to me carefully. If you want to keep your wife. When she gets home pick her up. Throw her on the bed. Strip her clothes off and tear her a$$ up. I mean get sweaty and everything. Pull her hair a lil. Make her happy. Tell her shes beautiful. If not some other guy will.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:27 AM
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 12,478,796 times
Reputation: 3705
I don't believe when two people marry that they should be or feel obligated to want to do for your spouse. What kind of wackadoo marriage idea is that anyway? Marriage is about doing things 50/50 and being there for them as much as they are there for you.
After years of marriage, sure, things change, sex slows down but it's up to the TWO of them to make things work or find new ways to keep the excitment there. To assume you are obligated to do for your spouse is just silly.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:43 AM
Location: Toledo
3,861 posts, read 7,299,867 times
Reputation: 3640
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely View Post
No, I am not interested in men for sexual purposes either. The reason I am married is companionship and love. But not sex.
Did you reveal this information to your wife before you got married Dingler/WT? No one in their right mind would get married solely for sex, but it is an important aspect of marital companionship and love for many people.
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Old 12-30-2009, 10:51 AM
5,007 posts, read 7,537,271 times
Reputation: 5685
I think you are past the point of counselling. Make an appointment with an attorney and see what your financial options are in the future.

If you don't owe each other sex, then you surely owe each other the chance to go out again and live a more fulfilling life with what years both of you have left.

You need to come to grips with what your life really means to you, day in and day out, regardless of what answer we post here to your never-ending questions.

We don't pay your bills, perform your job, care for your kids, spend time with your SO, feel your feelings. YOU DO.
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Old 12-30-2009, 11:04 AM
Location: Iowa, Heartland of Murica
3,437 posts, read 5,237,715 times
Reputation: 3382
No offense but you need a lot of counseling. Now, I am starting to understand why Larry is her best friend, just the thought of having a husband that has no interest in sex whatsoever is beyond bizarre, I have no doubt she is getting it from Larry or somebody else, I don't blame her
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Old 12-30-2009, 11:09 AM
Location: Las Vegas
13,048 posts, read 23,502,579 times
Reputation: 23245
The only way this will ever work long term is if both of you prefer a relatively sexless marriage. You should ask your wife is she is happy.
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