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Old 01-02-2010, 11:08 PM
 
26,243 posts, read 18,779,826 times
Reputation: 23430
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
Exactly! I bet this would bring the couples who actually "cared" closer together! This was a big deal...paralyzed from the waist down. Think about that one for a moment. Yet, they kept their sense of humour!
My own father was also a disabled war veteran. He lost the lower part of his legs, but my parents met after the war. They didn't have to face the same issues as their friends--I am one of seven siblings.

Still, there were difficult times for them, too, partly because of the limitations of the physical handicap and what I now know was PTSD. But like most people of that generation, they stuck it out. My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary a few months before my father died.
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Old 01-02-2010, 11:55 PM
 
Location: California
24,555 posts, read 14,909,050 times
Reputation: 16531
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
People like you really need to stay single.
Excuse me?

There was NOTHING in my post that wasn't well thought out and weighed against reality. I even said I WOULD STAY based on the OP's original scenario. But a person who's spouse is in a coma, or becomes mentally handicapped to a huge degree, has every right to not stay married IF THEY CHOOSE since their spouse can no longer BE their spouse..and at that point wouldn't really notice either. Being a martyr to please you is unnecessary.



And I've been married nearly 30 year. How about you?

Last edited by yankeegirl313; 01-03-2010 at 02:42 AM..
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,133,142 times
Reputation: 3589
It isn't called being a martyr....it's called honoring your vows and true love. If you can leave your SO simply because they have become severly handicapped, physically or mentally, or comatose (admittedly this one has lots of shades of gray) you never loved that person in the first place.

And if you can walk away after 30 years that's beyond twisted. And I'm not old enough to be married for 30 years.
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:27 AM
 
Location: southern california
48,022 posts, read 43,556,955 times
Reputation: 38814
per OP
accident? not even. how bout a divorce filed on you if you lose your job. im seeing it here and frequently.
lots of spider behavior.
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:38 AM
 
530 posts, read 414,615 times
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I know a lady who started dating a man that was married to a woman who had been "messed up" to be more specific she was in an accident that left her in a wheel chair and mental impairment, this lady dating the married man said "she doesn't understand what is going on she is like a child he only stays married to her b/c he would feel ashamed of himself for divorcing b/c of her current state" They would get down on the wife's level and "discuss" with her that they were going out and would be back in a little while, if she didn't understand then why when they left for their date did the wife sit in the house and cry. In this case I they could see her hurt by their decisions and to brush it off as she doesn't understand just to make himself feel better about what he is doing is selfish IMO.
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:39 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 32,388,386 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower_lol View Post
I don't have kids but I guess in that case, I would have no choice. The wounds would creep me out, that's for sure. I wouldn't want to see that in real life.
As long as you can accept your mate doing the same for you - if you had wounds that creeped him/her out and so would fully understand being left for that reason, then fine, but hopefully you find someone like yourself.
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:45 AM
 
47,586 posts, read 32,388,386 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident View Post
As I've said a couple of times on this thread, every case is different. There's no rubber stamp in this debate.
Well - I believe the only legitimate reasons for divorce are the 3 A's: addiction, abuse, adultery - or 4 A's if you want to break alcoholism out from addiction.

Some people who become incapcitated do become abusive. I knew an older couple where he became blind from his diabetes, but he never did anything to prevent that, he was overweight, drank a lot and he was very angry and bitter with his wife who worked to support him. He was very abusive with her, she patiently tended to him, fed him, worked to support him, but only got much verbal abuse in return.

A man I know had a wife who was very ill and getting worse, she was also very abusive toward him, he said that caring for someone who is disabled and very bitter is one of the most difficult things because they feel no gratitude. He didn't leave her but he did begin to have affairs on the side, he felt they were justified because no matter what he did for his wife, she chose to be miserable and angry all the time.

Last edited by malamute; 01-03-2010 at 10:02 AM..
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,133,142 times
Reputation: 3589
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
per OP
accident? not even. how bout a divorce filed on you if you lose your job. im seeing it here and frequently.
lots of spider behavior.
This happens because people marry for money, not love.
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:51 AM
 
Location: southern california
48,022 posts, read 43,556,955 times
Reputation: 38814
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
This happens because people marry for money, not love.
you ae saying money plays no factor in marriage
i know what love is
you can keep your hat on
joe cocker sing it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjQr0fSnbBk
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Old 01-03-2010, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
7,593 posts, read 9,646,723 times
Reputation: 7046
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower_lol View Post

Don't mean to sound all shallow but doesn't physical attractive to a point matter esp. when intimacy is involved? Besides the actual physical drama, there would be an emotionally and psychological impact as well. It'll never be the same ever again so I think in this case, you should let them go but be a helpful friend.
"Don't mean to sound shallow?" Wow, I can't think of a more "shallow" statement to make than "I will only love you as long are you are pretty, and the minute that stops, I'm going to dump you."

Someone in such a condition would need the support of a loving partner MUCH MUCH more than someone able-bodied. You should not be getting in relationships in the first place if you're "only in it for the so-called 'intimacy'"!

Naturally, nobody wishes disfiguration on a loved one, but holy mackerel, to abandon someone when they need you the most, just because you're worried about "physical intimacy"??? That's like something Newt Gingrich would do!
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