He forgot something important to me. (long-term, partner, feelings, meaning)
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As some of you may have seen in the "work" part of this forum, I was supposed to get a review from work today which would tell me if I will be kept after the holidays.
I was freaking out to my boyfriend of 3 and a half years for about 3 or 4 days.
Today I was told I will be kept () which is AWESOME news during this economy and its state.
I called my boyfriend to tell him and he goes on for ten minutes about his day. And I say "cool". And then it is silent for 2 minutes. Finally I ask him "Arent you going to ask me about my review?"
He says "Oh...yeah.."
"Did you forget?"
"It did slip my mind for a moment."
I don't know but it made me soooo angry and hurt inside. People from work remembered to ask me. I EXPECTED someone who has been dating me for 3 and a half years to remember.
Am I overreacting? What should I do? Am I right to feel like this?
Hi Theliberalvoice,
Its pretty simple. He told you about his day and you did not because of an instinctive female crap test. Looks like he flunked.
Different peoplle have different priorities about things like birthdays. You have no right to demand that other people, even your SO, match your own. If he depends on you to remember his mother's birthday, then I guess you just have to remember his mother's birthday for him. Personally, I wish people would forget my birthday.
As for the review, maybe he thought you had that under control. Maybe he thought you would call and tell him as soon as you had the answer. Maybe he didn't want to bring it up, because he knew you were so uptight about it.
I'm in a very similar situation now. I was freaking out to my boyfriend of 3 years for about 3-4 days before the biggest job interview of my career. The day came and no good-lucks, no support, he completely forgot. And here's the kicker, I didn't bring it up... and two weeks has gone by. I accepted the job offer last week. He never ****ing brought it up. I didn't even MEAN to "test" him I just noticed he hadn't mentioned it and decided to wait for him to bring it up. I remember on the first day I said, "I have 100% faith he will remember by tonight! Maybe he is distracted or it 'slipped his mind.'" What are his excuses now?! I'm so frustrated and understand the hurt you were feeling. It boggles my mind how they can just forget things that are so important to us. I know if I had been in his position it would have been top-of-mind when I woke up that day.
Gathering my feelings together to confront him about it.
As some of you may have seen in the "work" part of this forum, I was supposed to get a review from work today which would tell me if I will be kept after the holidays.
I was freaking out to my boyfriend of 3 and a half years for about 3 or 4 days.
Today I was told I will be kept () which is AWESOME news during this economy and its state.
I called my boyfriend to tell him and he goes on for ten minutes about his day. And I say "cool". And then it is silent for 2 minutes. Finally I ask him "Arent you going to ask me about my review?"
He says "Oh...yeah.."
"Did you forget?"
"It did slip my mind for a moment."
I don't know but it made me soooo angry and hurt inside. People from work remembered to ask me. I EXPECTED someone who has been dating me for 3 and a half years to remember.
Am I overreacting? What should I do? Am I right to feel like this?
Honey you are overreacting. What you should do is take a deep breath and invite him out to celebrate the good news.
I'm sure had the news not been favorable for you you wouldn't have let him go on about his day... or maybe you would just to add fuel to an unnecessary fire.
Gathering my feelings together to confront him about it.
I hope things went well for you...
Cheers
IMHO when you do "gather" all this up and broach the subject be careful. If you go at it guns blazing all you will do is make the situation worse. That won't help anything. Sit down and write out your feelings first. Then, when you are calm, tell him that his indifference hurt you and give him a chance to make it up to you.
Should he have remembered it? Yes.
Is is possible he didn't quite realize how important it was? Yes.
Is it possible he was unsure how to ask you about the results of the interview? Yes.
We don't know you or him. If you tend to be a drama queen about lots of stuff its possible it is hard to tease apart what is MOST important to you at any moment.
I'm in a very similar situation now. I was freaking out to my boyfriend of 3 years for about 3-4 days before the biggest job interview of my career. The day came and no good-lucks, no support, he completely forgot. And here's the kicker, I didn't bring it up... and two weeks has gone by. I accepted the job offer last week. He never ****ing brought it up. I didn't even MEAN to "test" him I just noticed he hadn't mentioned it and decided to wait for him to bring it up. I remember on the first day I said, "I have 100% faith he will remember by tonight! Maybe he is distracted or it 'slipped his mind.'" What are his excuses now?! I'm so frustrated and understand the hurt you were feeling. It boggles my mind how they can just forget things that are so important to us. I know if I had been in his position it would have been top-of-mind when I woke up that day.
Gathering my feelings together to confront him about it.
I hope things went well for you...
Cheers
I forget things all the time. I remember unimportant stuff and forget important stuff. Even if his life evolves around you and nothing but you, it still happens. Don't be high maintenance and make a scene.
If you want support, ask for it. If you want a reaction, bring it up.
I have a friend yapping about her birthday to me every day a week before her birthday. Guess what. I forgot it. Remembered it 4 days after when I saw a facebook post. I apologized, all good. No one died.
IMHO when you do "gather" all this up and broach the subject be careful. If you go at it guns blazing all you will do is make the situation worse. That won't help anything. Sit down and write out your feelings first. Then, when you are calm, tell him that his indifference hurt you and give him a chance to make it up to you.
Should he have remembered it? Yes.
Is is possible he didn't quite realize how important it was? Yes.
Is it possible he was unsure how to ask you about the results of the interview? Yes.
We don't know you or him. If you tend to be a drama queen about lots of stuff its possible it is hard to tease apart what is MOST important to you at any moment.
Luckily, I don't tend to be a "drama queen," and sharing my anger and frustration with a third-party who has been through a similar experience is a healthy way to vent without sending those negative feelings my partners way. Given that I am generally an open-minded and patient person, I hope I can help him understand why it's so hurtful when he doesn't keep up important concerns in my life.
I'm in a very similar situation now. I was freaking out to my boyfriend of 3 years for about 3-4 days before the biggest job interview of my career. The day came and no good-lucks, no support, he completely forgot. And here's the kicker, I didn't bring it up... and two weeks has gone by. I accepted the job offer last week. He never ****ing brought it up. I didn't even MEAN to "test" him I just noticed he hadn't mentioned it and decided to wait for him to bring it up. I remember on the first day I said, "I have 100% faith he will remember by tonight! Maybe he is distracted or it 'slipped his mind.'" What are his excuses now?! I'm so frustrated and understand the hurt you were feeling. It boggles my mind how they can just forget things that are so important to us. I know if I had been in his position it would have been top-of-mind when I woke up that day.
Gathering my feelings together to confront him about it.
I hope things went well for you...
Cheers
I don't buy that the OP's bf forgot. I think he deliberately withheld any question or comment about it, to mess with her mind. I think he could be a passive-aggressive jerk. What about your bf, radical voice? Any chance he could be deliberately holding out on you? How is your relationship otherwise? Is he loving and supportive?
I forget things all the time. I remember unimportant stuff and forget important stuff. Even if his life evolves around you and nothing but you, it still happens. Don't be high maintenance and make a scene.
If you want support, ask for it. If you want a reaction, bring it up.
I have a friend yapping about her birthday to me every day a week before her birthday. Guess what. I forgot it. Remembered it 4 days after when I saw a facebook post. I apologized, all good. No one died.
He forgets things all the time and it's not a big deal. This is the first time I've gotten upset about something like this because it is extremely important to me. I'm not being "high maintenance," I'm asking for him to care about the fears and concerns in my life like any decent partner. As I said in my first post, I spoke to him about it in the days leading up to it, asking for his support. When the day came, I didn't get it. That's what I'm upset about.
Now imagine that friend was your long term partner, the birthday was a once-in-a-life-time opportunity with a very rigorous testing phase that she was extremely worried about, she had been confided in you during the days leading up to it how much this meant to her and how this could be a game-changer for her whole career, and then two weeks go by and you haven't brought it up. I just feel like your example isn't the most relevant.
I can and do let go of little things all the time, but this has hurt me more than stuff in the past.
Thanks for your perspective
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) which is AWESOME news during this economy and its state.
Nine years later...
