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Old 01-07-2010, 03:19 PM
 
9,692 posts, read 11,360,804 times
Reputation: 7023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
Guys LIKE me. They just wont COMMIT to me- BIG difference.
Then they don't like you as much as you think. Women often make the excuse that men don't commit. It's not that we don't want to commit, we just don't want to commit to YOU. Big difference there.

It's like that one saying "He just not that into you"

Another issue that can arise is pressing people to commit. I can tell you from being a man out there in the dating world one of the problems I see with the modern American woman is that within 10 minutes of meeting you they are already pressing you for whether you will commit to marriage, children and providing all and sundry. It's the biggest turn off for me to have a woman pressing me about all that when I don't even know her.

On a first date I do not want to talk about what might happen 5 or 10 years from now. I want to get to know you and you me, not about how many children I want. It's fair game a few dates down the road, but I'm not going there on a first date. And women that make a big meal out of all that on a first date, I don't go out with again. Period.

I always believe that when you push, people naturally push back at you. So if you are pushing for commitment then men are naturally going to push that back at you. No one who has any shred of decency likes to be hounded, pushed or driven into anything.

And no I'm not giving a commitment after a couple dates either.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:20 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
6,749 posts, read 11,225,115 times
Reputation: 5934
Relax, I felt the same way for ages. One day, out of the blue, I met someone. You don't need just any guy, you only need the right one.

So don't beat yourself up over it. Take pleasure in life. More than likely your lucky new man will be overjoyed that no one else has found you.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:20 PM
 
Location: #
9,608 posts, read 8,945,133 times
Reputation: 6142
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
basically i go out with them...3 or 4 dates later they imply that they want to sleep with me...i tell them i am not interested in that and they bail. I do not dress or act provacatively in any way shape or form.
Winner, winner chicken dinner! In NYC you can get so much free milk without buying the cow why in the world would they wait around for you for 10 dates? Furthermore, even if you are a 10 on looks there's 1000's of women just like you in the NYC area. It seems to me you need to date older and more grounded or you are looking in the wrong places. Average couples sleep together on the 3rd or 4th date. You are going to have to bring a lot to the table in order to keep a man waiting that long, especially when the competition is fierce.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:21 PM
Ep-
 
2,015 posts, read 2,118,652 times
Reputation: 2269
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
basically i go out with them...3 or 4 dates later they imply that they want to sleep with me...i tell them i am not interested in that and they bail. I do not dress or act provacatively in any way shape or form.
there we go! most guys in their 20s are gonna expect sex around 3-4 dates. just have to find the few of them that are gonna stick around longer.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:22 PM
 
5,856 posts, read 6,629,616 times
Reputation: 1798
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
You are not interested in sex? Or is it that they want sex sooner than you do?
I am interested in sex when someone is my BOYFRIEND. If we are in the "dating" phase, then no, don't want it.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
15,528 posts, read 15,226,177 times
Reputation: 6212
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
Guys LIKE me. They just wont COMMIT to me- BIG difference.
How soon are you expecting a commitment? Do you make it obvious that you want one early on? Do you mention marriage and children as a goal on first or second dates? You cannot do that right away or many will bolt. They have to be attracted to you, like you as a person, and then be eased into the idea. That is the way our society has conditioned men. There are societies where men expect to get married and have a family and where they are not actually considered full grown men unless they are married and their families want them to get married. This is not one of them! Sadly, this society encourages "eligible bachelors" to view women as playthings for the most part and to shirk the responsibility of a wife and family. (And yes to you men out there a lot of the divorce and family court decisions handed out are prejudiced against men and then make men even more wary of marrying.)

We are living in a society where bachelorhood is prized and where men do not have to get married in order to have sex on a regular basis or in order to be thought of well professionally or in order to be thought of as "not gay" so men think they are going to be giving up something very valuable and they get spooked easily by a woman looking for a commitment.

You will actually get better results if you are the one who cannot "decide" whether or not to commit to HIM and you are the one who appears to not have much quality time for him and you don't act like seeing him is above all else in your life. Then their brains turn into pretzels as they wonder "why" you are not chasing him like other women do and they think of you more highly and desire your company more.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:24 PM
 
9,692 posts, read 11,360,804 times
Reputation: 7023
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
I attract lots of men...just not the men that I want. Men that would probably be fine for some women...but, I really don't want some uneducated fat guy...and I don't think that's shallow or superficial. I take care of myself...why shouldn't my partner do so as well?
Well if you have reached the bottom of the barrel find another barrel.

I think what you will end up finding(as I said before) is at some point you will have to compromise. That is if you want to actually have a relationship. All the things you wanted I think you will have a hard time finding all of that at a high level for everything. There are only so many hours in the day. And if they do have all that, they likely don't have time for you.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:24 PM
 
17,381 posts, read 15,858,129 times
Reputation: 16942
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo View Post
Then they don't like you as much as you think. Women often make the excuse that men don't commit. It's not that we don't want to commit, we just don't want to commit to YOU. Big difference there.

It's like that one saying "He just not that into you"

Another issue that can arise is pressing people to commit. I can tell you from being a man out there in the dating world one of the problems I see with the modern American woman is that within 10 minutes of meeting you they are already pressing you for whether you will commit to marriage, children and providing all and sundry. It's the biggest turn off for me to have a woman pressing me about all that when I don't even know her.

On a first date I do not want to talk about what might happen 5 or 10 years from now. I want to get to know you and you me, not about how many children I want. It's fair game a few dates down the road, but I'm not going there on a first date. And women that make a big meal out of all that on a first date, I don't go out with again. Period.

I always believe that when you push, people naturally push back at you. So if you are pushing for commitment then men are naturally going to push that back at you. No one who has any shred of decency likes to be hounded, pushed or driven into anything.

And no I'm not giving a commitment after a couple dates either.
I agree with this. But for me at least, I do make it clear before I ever go out with a guy, that I have no interest in a bed-hopping casual relationship. I've been there and done that, and it was great, but I'm past that and see no point in dating someone whose interest lies solely in that direction. I'm not pushing for a commitment at all, but if you are someone that does not even desire to have a long-term relationship, then we are both wasting our time.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:25 PM
 
3,027 posts, read 1,894,205 times
Reputation: 2928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
basically i go out with them...3 or 4 dates later they imply that they want to sleep with me...i tell them i am not interested in that and they bail. I do not dress or act provacatively in any way shape or form.
And this ties in how to your income level?...
The men aren't threatened, they're horny.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:26 PM
 
5,856 posts, read 6,629,616 times
Reputation: 1798
Quote:
Originally Posted by I_Love_LI_but View Post
How soon are you expecting a commitment? Do you make it obvious that you want one early on? Do you mention marriage and children as a goal on first or second dates? You cannot do that right away or many will bolt. They have to be attracted to you, like you as a person, and then be eased into the idea. That is the way our society has conditioned men. There are societies where men expect to get married and have a family and where they are not actually considered full grown men unless they are married and their families want them to get married. This is not one of them! Sadly, this society encourages "eligible bachelors" to view women as playthings for the most part and to shirk the responsibility of a wife and family. (And yes to you men out there a lot of the divorce and family court decisions handed out are prejudiced against men and then make men even more wary of marrying.)

We are living in a society where bachelorhood is prized and where men do not have to get married in order to have sex on a regular basis or in order to be thought of well professionally or in order to be thought of as "not gay" so men think they are going to be giving up something very valuable and they get spooked easily by a woman looking for a commitment.

You will actually get better results if you are the one who cannot "decide" whether or not to commit to HIM and you are the one who appears to not have much quality time for him and you don't act like seeing him is above all else in your life. Then their brains turn into pretzels as they wonder "why" you are not chasing him like other women do and they think of you more highly and desire your company more.
I do not bring up any mention of the future with anyone I am going on dates with. That is wrong and crazy...and if a guy said that to me, *I'd* probably bolt too.

I don't expect commitment right away...but if someone likes me and I like them as well, why not just commit eventually on their own? I do believe in getting to know someone and taking my time and taking things slow. I do not rush, push or force.
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