Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If somebody tells you something in confidence, that confidentiality takes priority over marriage vows. Your spouse has no right to expect you to disclose anything that you are told in confidence by a third party. I would hope your spouse knows that. I would certainly honor that in the case of something my wife was told in confidence, and in fact I would be disasappointed in her sense of honor if she did disclose something like that to me.
Note to self: Do NOT have any deep, personal conversations with friends who are married. They apparently think their need to gossip with their spouses trumps friendships and privacy.
If somebody tells you something in confidence, that confidentiality takes priority over marriage vows. Your spouse has no right to expect you to disclose anything that you are told in confidence by a third party. I would hope your spouse knows that. I would certainly honor that in the case of something my wife was told in confidence, and in fact I would be disasappointed in her sense of honor if she did disclose something like that to me.
Oh HELL no. I totally disagree with this. You took the vows FIRST.
Note to self: Do NOT have any deep, personal conversations with friends who are married. They apparently think their need to gossip with their spouses trumps friendships and privacy.
Unbelievable.
It's not gossiping. It's called a marriage. I think most people no longer have a clue what that entails. No wonder the divorce rate is so high now.
I have several girl friends who I discuss things with and none of us would share these things with our husbands. Girl talk is for girls
Agree with this. If my wife disclosed deep secrets information about her friends, I would be disappointed that she didn't honour the confidentiality between her & her close friends and the lack of conduct she is showing.
Same with me. If my friend confined in me a sensitive subject, I'd honour that piece of sensitive information between me & him. This has nothing to do with marriage vows. This is all about respecting and honouring the relationship one has with other close people [friends, family, relatives etc].
If my wife is expecting me to tell her what me and my close friend Joe Bloggs talked about, then she's seriously pissing in the wind.
If somebody tells you something in confidence, that confidentiality takes priority over marriage vows.
I wouldn't say it takes priority over marriage vows, it just has nothing to do with marriage vows. I don't believe my marriage vows included me vowing to tell my husband other people's secrets that don't involve him or our relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
It's not gossiping. It's called a marriage. I think most people no longer have a clue what that entails. No wonder the divorce rate is so high now.
What works for you and your husband is not necessarily what works for another couple. A problem occurs when a couple don't agree on this issue - if one feels it's okay to keep the secrets of other people and the other doesn't. But if the couple are on the same page, I fail to see how it will result in divorce.
My mom once told me something about herself that happened long before I or my husband were born. She's only ever told my dad and I about it and I have never told my husband. Because it doesn't involve him or me or our relationship. It would not effect him, me or us if he knew or not. He doesn't even know I hold this secret but we've talked about this issue and agree if it doesn't involve us then there is no harm in holding another person's secret. This is simply what works for us, I'm not saying it has to work that way for every other couple. But equally, if I'm not trying to push my beliefs on you and your relationship, please don't expect that every other marriage on the planet has to function the same way you and your husband do in order to avoid divorce. What a successful marriage entails may differ depending on the couple - just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it can't work.
It's not gossiping. It's called a marriage. I think most people no longer have a clue what that entails. No wonder the divorce rate is so high now.
Sorry, but when you tell someone else personal information that you were supposed to keep private, it's gossiping. Like everything else, one can put a spin on it to try to claim some moral high ground but the rest of us don't have to accept that. AFAIK, there aren't any marriage vows that force people to promise to tell other people's personal business and confidences to their spouses.
As for the divorce rate bit, well, if marriage robs one of even basic rights to privacy, it's become untenable. I'm regularly amazed by the comments here from a lot of the marrieds -- from the "is he cheating because he smiled at a waitress?" nonsense to this latest issue. Has American bravado disguising deep insecurity made American marriages legalized human bondage? Sounds like it, in some cases. That's why an increasing number of us are saying, "No thanks."
I wouldn't say it takes priority over marriage vows, it just has nothing to do with marriage vows. I don't believe my marriage vows included me vowing to tell my husband other people's secrets that don't involve him or our relationship.
What works for you and your husband is not necessarily what works for another couple. A problem occurs when a couple don't agree on this issue - if one feels it's okay to keep the secrets of other people and the other doesn't. But if the couple are on the same page, I fail to see how it will result in divorce.
My mom once told me something about herself that happened long before I or my husband were born. She's only ever told my dad and I about it and I have never told my husband. Because it doesn't involve him or me or our relationship. It would not effect him, me or us if he knew or not. He doesn't even know I hold this secret but we've talked about this issue and agree if it doesn't involve us then there is no harm in holding another person's secret. This is simply what works for us, I'm not saying it has to work that way for every other couple. But equally, if I'm not trying to push my beliefs on you and your relationship, please don't expect that every other marriage on the planet has to function the same way you and your husband do in order to avoid divorce. What a successful marriage entails may differ depending on the couple - just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it can't work.
Good post. Your take on it makes perfect sense and your relationship sounds healthy.
For me, it would depend on the circumstances. Do I tell my husband everything other people tell me? Absolutely not, but mostly because it doesn't affect our marriage in any way, not because I openly keeping it from him. However, I can't recall ever having a friend ask me to keep something from my husband.
I suppose if someone asked me not to share something they told me with my husband, I wouldn't do so unless it would impact us in some way. If it did affect my relationship with my husband, then my first priority will always be our marriage.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You took the vows FIRST.
