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Old 01-07-2010, 02:25 PM
 
195 posts, read 195,222 times
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I would like to bring up again a question of marriage and privacy.

If I say something in confidence verbally to a married person, can I expect he or she will discuss it with their spouse even if I ask them not to?

The person I am talking to, and speaking in confidence with, could be a relative, a good friend, someone at work, who ever.... If they are married they would not be allowed to have any secrets from their husband or wife under the expectations of marriage, right? So if I brought up an issue with this person about a sensitive topic, asking for advice and counsel, I have to expect that they would likely bring it up with their spouse.

Remember there are no secrets in a successful marriage, right?
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,371 posts, read 17,491,906 times
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It depends on the person, but the odds are against you if you already feel some reservation or doubt.
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 40,273,555 times
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Depends on how you consider the "privacy" to be broken. I consider my sex life to be private, who I've had sex with, and what particular acts she might have enjoyed are kept private. The furthest I'd go is--yeah, I had a girlfriend who did that. But I wouldn't name her for you. You wouldn't be likely to ever meet her. So, let's say someone at work asked me for advice with a problem, and I didn't have a good enough frame of reference to answer it for him...or her, I suppose. I could discuss it with my SO without ever naming any names, and see if she had an answer. I could even say, "this guy at work" and she could go to my job and never figure out "which guy" it was.
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:34 PM
 
23,906 posts, read 31,137,585 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely View Post
I would like to bring up again a question of marriage and privacy.

If I say something in confidence verbally to a married person, can I expect he or she will discuss it with their spouse even if I ask them not to?

The person I am talking to, and speaking in confidence with, could be a relative, a good friend, someone at work, who ever.... If they are married they would not be allowed to have any secrets from their husband or wife under the expectations of marriage, right? So if I brought up an issue with this person about a sensitive topic, asking for advice and counsel, I have to expect that they would likely bring it up with their spouse.

Remember there are no secrets in a successful marriage, right?
I already mentioned this in a previous thread. No. I would not expect it to remain a secret from the spouse. It has nothing to do with "not being allowed to have any secrets from their husband or wife under the expectations of marriage". It's just that good marriages, don't have such secrets.
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:37 PM
 
195 posts, read 195,222 times
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So if I say anything that is possibly sensitive to a relative or friend, I have to be nervous when I see his or her spouse? What a sad state of affairs!
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,352 posts, read 15,855,060 times
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Chances are that 9 times out of 10, he or she will share parts of your discussion. It really comes down to the subject matter though.

What it all comes down to is that if you want something kept secret, don't tell anyone.
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,220 posts, read 12,809,728 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely View Post
If I say something in confidence verbally to a married person, can I expect he or she will discuss it with their spouse even if I ask them not to?
It depends on the person and whether they keep their word or not. That has nothing to do with being married or not.

Quote:
If they are married they would not be allowed to have any secrets from their husband or wife under the expectations of marriage, right?
No, I personally believe that only applies to things that would actually involve or effect the marriage. But if what someone tells me has nothing to do with my husband or our relationship and that person asked me not to tell anyone, my husband would understand.

Quote:
Remember there are no secrets in a successful marriage, right?
It's not MY secret, therefore it doesn't effect our marriage. My husband feels the same way and as long as we're both on the same page, we will continue to have a successful marriage.
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:49 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,176 posts, read 14,256,731 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely View Post
So if I say anything that is possibly sensitive to a relative or friend, I have to be nervous when I see his or her spouse? What a sad state of affairs!
Quote:
Originally Posted by akck View Post
Chances are that 9 times out of 10, he or she will share parts of your discussion. It really comes down to the subject matter though.

What it all comes down to is that if you want something kept secret, don't tell anyone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranded and Lonely View Post
If they are married they would not be allowed to have any secrets from their husband or wife under the expectations of marriage, right?

Remember there are no secrets in a successful marriage, right?
What book are you reading? "Laws for a good marriage - Violators will be stoned to death"?

Do you stay up all hours of the night coming up with variations of the same question? This was all answered before: some people do and some people don't. Marriages are between two UNIQUE individuals, therefore no 2 marriages will be the same. There is NO RULE BOOK, there are no rules, no laws EXCEPT you can't hit/bite/maul/maim/kick/run-over-with-your-car your spouse. And you probably shouldn't have a "work-spouse".
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:50 PM
 
Location: in the good ol' South
865 posts, read 2,065,371 times
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No one said there are no secrets in a successful marriage. There should be no secrets that would devastate your partner, should they come out.

I have many gfs, that have told me things in confidence, mainly about their husbands, who have asked me not to repeat these things to anyone, incl. my husband. And I haven't. Why does he need to know what is going on in my gf's marriage? Esp. since many times, it's the wife of a coworker of his. So I keep these things to myself. My friendships are stronger, and my dh doesn't get dragged into the ugliness of what's going on in everyone's lives, that he could care less about anyway.

Of course, if someone asked me to keep something secret that was really bad, like abuse or something, that's a different story. Then I'd try to find help for her. But to answer your question, there are lots of things I don't share with my dh, and I'm sure he's happier not knowing these things.
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:52 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,981,619 times
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PasstheChocolate posted a recent thread about this and received many replies. I'll try to dig it up for you.
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