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Old 01-25-2009, 09:29 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,645 posts, read 38,525,194 times
Reputation: 11780

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post

When people stay married for kids, what becomes of their sex life?
It is nonexistent.


Quote:
If people think the kids don't find out about it, they are very wrong. Then they get teased about the situation at school.
In my kids' school, there are so many kids who come from broken homes and bad marriages, that those with two parents together are as common as those whose parents are divorced/separated/pissed at each other.

Quote:
What if something happens to one while they are still playing this married game? What if the other "spouse" doesn't help care for them? Ever see how depressed someone can get in this situation?

Very sad to watch people stay together like this; why don't they deserve to find true love?
Yes, when I think of that I become even more depressed than usual; again, I stay in this situation because I have nothing except for kids in terms of love in my life, and I would not expect to fare very well on the open market in terms of dating.
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Old 01-25-2009, 09:47 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma
218 posts, read 561,338 times
Reputation: 189
No one should stay together for the kids, they should make it work for the kids.

I know my boyfriend's dad wants to divorce his mom, but is only staying because my boyfriend's brother throws a fit when he hears the word divorce and he's 16 years old!

I jumped for joy when my dad left us. He was always drunk and abusive towards my mom.
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Old 02-06-2009, 08:17 PM
 
Location: NYC
172 posts, read 474,498 times
Reputation: 121
Ivorytickler, Sunil's dad, I can identify. I do think divorce early in the children's lives would be selfish and a disaster. Even with shared custody, you could hardly call it an improvement for the kids for their parents to stop being able to be there for them every day.

And opening the door to custody battles, risking having your children (who now love you both, despite the frequent bickering) take sides with one or the other, how awful would that be? How much would it warp their personalities to end up blaming mom or dad for what happened?

Some have said you've got till they're 12 or 13 to make a difference in their lives. After that, you hope you did enough of the right things because they probably won't listen to you all that much. Me and my wife (most likely, I can't read her mind) are counting the days, I suppose.

But I already lost one son through the courts many years ago (an out-of-wedlock thing, but still a protracted battle in the courts, which was fruitless), and there's no way I would consider filing for divorce (or not trying to delay or stop her filing) till my current 3 are all into their teens. Until then, like ivory says, I (we) suck it up, try to ignore the harassment and put-downs, and keep it all going as positively as possible.

Seriously, I look forward to being an older gent, living alone in his studio or 1-bedroom, pursuing various hobbies and interests, with his kids coming by when they feel like it. That's as close to happily ever after as I can imagine at the moment.
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Old 02-07-2009, 12:04 AM
 
4,837 posts, read 8,832,316 times
Reputation: 3026
Default Is anyone married to someone you hate, but stay together for the Kids?

Is this a reason or an excuse?

I can think of several hate filled "relationships" where the real reason, IMHO, was that separate, neither thought that they would make it financially, at least, nowhere near the level they'd become accustomed.

He knew he'd live in a basement room and drive a 23 year old beater and she had read the latest "research" from Britain that has men doing better after divorce, than women. She couldn't stand the thought of that!
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Old 06-01-2009, 12:26 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,808 times
Reputation: 10
I am beginning to hate my husband. We have been married for 16 years and isn't the sme man I first met. He has had a addiction to porn for the last 10 years and he knows how it makes me feel but he continues to watch it. I will confront him, we'll fight and he will promise to stop. It will be fine for a few weeks and then he does it again. This has been going on for the last 10 years and I'm tired of it. Now he says he will ween his self off of it I just have to trust him. How can I trusted someone who has lied to me for so long. We have 2 teenagers together and I don't want them to be hurt in all this but I want to leave so bad I'm daydreaming about it. I'm not working right now now so I don't have the money to leave. What do I do?
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Old 06-01-2009, 05:17 PM
 
Location: New Milford, NJ
1,452 posts, read 3,163,260 times
Reputation: 1015
I tried really hard because I didn't have the money to be on my own and my son had ADHD which was causing problems at the time (he has since outgrown it somewhat and is older and more mature so it's a non-issue now but at the time it was difficult) and I didn't have the money to be on my own. I couldn't work much because I needed to be around for my son. He finally did me the favor of leaving...but in retrospect I wish I had changed the locks the first time he left, when my son was 2! I just didn't have stability at work yet...but I should have let him stay gone..

I wasted 6 more years trying with him, what should have been the best years of my life...maybe I could have even had a second chance with someone else. Now I'm pushing 40 and that doesn't seem likely. With or without money, I wish I had not let him come back. My life would be so different right now.. Well, you know what they say about hindsight..
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Old 06-01-2009, 10:40 PM
 
3,069 posts, read 8,866,410 times
Reputation: 2092
the title reminds of that outkast lyric

"I can't cope, everybody 'round me is either playing married or paying child support"
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Old 06-01-2009, 11:36 PM
 
Location: middle of everywhere
1,863 posts, read 4,285,126 times
Reputation: 1915
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
of the 50% of marriages that survive many are unhappy. i used to envy. no so much anymore.
im a lil lonely but im alright.
Aint that the truth. Very few couples I know are happy with their marriage. I know there are some out there, so I'm not being a pessimist.

Almost everyone is staying together because they felt like they've been together too long to split up and because they don't want to lost their homes in a divorce.

Someone upthread mentioned their relative going through 7 years of hardship. They didn't think that was so bad. I disagree. I was married that same amount of time and I could not imagine being miserable all those years.

I'll certainly stick it out- but after year 2 or 3 and we can't fix the issue, I think it is time to search for a mediator/lawyer. I no longer want to be a masochist. Let others have that role.

If I ever get married again I don't want any children because I don't want to put them through the pain of divorce. I see my little one suffering and it was enough to have me run back to my ex. He didn't see her pain though, because he was spending too much time with his new family. NEVER again.
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Old 06-01-2009, 11:57 PM
 
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.
445 posts, read 1,068,357 times
Reputation: 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingler View Post
A friend of mine told me that he and his wife just plain hate each other, and just do not talk. They only say things to each other if it relates to the household or children. They make every effort to avoid each other as much as possible. It has got so bad that they just hate being in the same room as each other. But they have 4 kids and also financially a Divorce would be a disaster.

The other reason they do not get a divorce or separate is just the emotional, physical and logistical hassle of the whole thing. Selling the house in today's real-estate market, finding an apartment, telling friends and relatives, and making all the difficult visitation rules. It is terrible being together but even worse making the moves to separate. Can you relate?
Both of them sound selfish as hell, especially since there are 4 kids involved. They better put on a happy face and make it work for the children, or, get the finances in order, and separate. The kids didn't ask for this crap.
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Old 06-02-2009, 12:07 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,969,435 times
Reputation: 1405
They are teaching the children that living together in hate is better than the pain of selling real estate in a bad market and treating each other with respect and love. It is better to dodge a real problem then to live honestly.
Great. I would be willing to bet the kids grow up and live just like their parents. Charming.
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