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Old 05-23-2007, 12:31 PM
 
Location: VA
784 posts, read 3,049,253 times
Reputation: 932
Default Is anyone married to someone you hate, but stay together for the Kids?

A friend of mine told me that he and his wife just plain hate each other, and just do not talk. They only say things to each other if it relates to the household or children. They make every effort to avoid each other as much as possible. It has got so bad that they just hate being in the same room as each other. But they have 4 kids and also financially a Divorce would be a disaster.

The other reason they do not get a divorce or separate is just the emotional, physical and logistical hassle of the whole thing. Selling the house in today's real-estate market, finding an apartment, telling friends and relatives, and making all the difficult visitation rules. It is terrible being together but even worse making the moves to separate. Can you relate?
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Old 05-23-2007, 12:32 PM
 
Location: STL
1,093 posts, read 2,643,148 times
Reputation: 541
Those poor kids.
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Old 05-23-2007, 01:03 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 5,640,292 times
Reputation: 2155
I too have a friend in the same situation. His wife has been unfaithful, he has been unfaithful, and they lead a sad home life. No communication, no love, no affection. They have two daughters, one of whom is a young adult. She now is in a relationship that is less than ideal and it drives her father crazy that she is settling for someone rather than looking for someone who can truly give her happiness.

I've explained to him that without an example of a good relationship, neither of his kids have any kind of ideal for the relationships they will aspire to. He tends to tune me out when I give him this lecture. They own a business and have been fairly successful and he has concern about how things will be divided.

So although he doesn't have much love or happiness at home, he gets a new car every year and has the toys every man desires- boats, motorcycles, and power tools. I don't know if they compensate for what's missing at home, but it seems to work for them.
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Old 05-23-2007, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Tampa baby!!
3,258 posts, read 5,468,904 times
Reputation: 1706
My mom and dad loved each other, but seemed to be unhappy most of the time growing up. Sometimes love just isn't enough.

If the finances or owning a business are why they both stay, then why not just live in the same household or live separately but work together? If it's that easy for them to be in the same place but not speak anway, why not.

They are not doing ANYONE any staying together. Everyone deserves and fair chance to find happiness. And eventually, someone will probably fall for someone else and want to remarry.

From personal experience, kids are very intuitive. They hear things, even behind close doors or when they are supposed to be sleeping. Staying together because they want nice cars, boats,etc...is very very selfish really.
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Old 05-23-2007, 03:05 PM
 
Location: FL
1,915 posts, read 5,357,137 times
Reputation: 2020
um...........can I get that fake screen name so that I can spill my heart out?????

No? Ok, well then.............I have nothing to say. (don't hate my hubby though. i do love him. There's just things......)
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:17 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 5,640,292 times
Reputation: 2155
It is absolutely ridiculous. He was close to calling it quits about a month or two ago after learning of yet another indiscretion of hers..... I believe he even went so far as to draw up divorce papers. Then all the sudden it was off and the next week he was driving a shiny new truck. Whatever floats his boat, I guess. I just worry about his kids.
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 1,919,730 times
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That is awful, those kids know what is going on and may have issues about it as they get older.

My neighbor was staying in her marriage for the kids. Finally she came to her senses when she said she would get physically sick any time he touched her. That is no way to live! It is not fair to anyone in a situation like that. My friend finally sat her husband down and told him it was over. They both agreed to work out a divorce with as much agreeing as possible. They are now moved into their own homes, sharing the kids, sharing the kids expenses and are living as happy people.

No one should stay in a relationship for kids. That is just selfish.
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:31 PM
 
282 posts, read 936,741 times
Reputation: 135
Quote:
Originally Posted by skoe View Post
That is awful, those kids know what is going on and may have issues about it as they get older.

My neighbor was staying in her marriage for the kids. Finally she came to her senses when she said she would get physically sick any time he touched her. That is no way to live! It is not fair to anyone in a situation like that. My friend finally sat her husband down and told him it was over. They both agreed to work out a divorce with as much agreeing as possible. They are now moved into their own homes, sharing the kids, sharing the kids expenses and are living as happy people.

No one should stay in a relationship for kids. That is just selfish.
What was the reason she got sick every time he touched her?
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Old 05-23-2007, 06:47 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,334 posts, read 14,720,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pirate girl View Post
It is absolutely ridiculous. He was close to calling it quits about a month or two ago after learning of yet another indiscretion of hers..... I believe he even went so far as to draw up divorce papers. Then all the sudden it was off and the next week he was driving a shiny new truck. Whatever floats his boat, I guess. I just worry about his kids.
As everyone else has noted- very bad example for the kids- so everyone just cheats, and buys new toys? What a sham.

Those kids will have no values; learned behavior comes from the parents. They should just end it if they hate each other that much.


sunny
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Old 05-23-2007, 07:33 PM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 5,640,292 times
Reputation: 2155
You're preaching to the choir Helena! But when I preach it falls on deaf ears. I love this guy to death- but watching him mope around and listening to him complain- and cry wolf is getting tiring.

My personal opinion.........he's a coward and afraid to do anything. He prefers to be a martyr so he can complain about how bad things are. If he got out of the marriage, he would probably have nothing substantial to complain about!!
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