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Old 01-09-2010, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
2,756 posts, read 3,248,014 times
Reputation: 4444

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I'm posting this thread in the hope that someone can help me understand a particular frame of mind of seen among married couples. What prompted me to post this is an experience I had yesterday at work. I'm a personal trainer for Gold's Gym and as I was leaving yesterday I noticed this young woman standing just inside our front doors, obviously waiting for a ride. She's a regular member, so I've seen her many times at the gym and have even spoken briefly with her a couple times. *I was on my way out the door to lunch, so I asked her if she needed a ride--it was a miserable day, weather-wise and she looked very impatient. She gave me a timid, almost scared deer-in-the-headlights look and then smiled tentatively and said, "Well, thanks, but I just couldnt'; my husband usually drops me off and picks me up and he would totally flip-out if he found out a man gave me a ride home." She was waiting for her sister, she said. She went on to say that her husband is ultra-jealous and almost didn;t even let her get a gym memebership, since she'd be working out around men! (heavens forbid! lol) But he finally did grant her permission to workout as long as he picks her up and drops her off. She told me her husband would most likely divorce her if he found out she accepted an innocent ride home from a gym employee.*So my question is this--and hopefully it can be answered by someone with firsthand experience from either the wife's or husband's situation in this scenario. "How could an otherwise normal woman accept this sort of treamtment from her husband? Has she no dignity? And on the other side of the coin, how could a man be such a toolbag to treat his wife like chattle?* This is just a tiny examply of why I'm happily single and always will be, come hell or highwater, and also why most marriages I see simply make me shake my head and count my lucky stars I'm not yoked in such disfunction.* Thanks for your thoughts.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Kentucky
6,753 posts, read 14,759,321 times
Reputation: 2029
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerBoy View Post
I'm posting this thread in the hope that someone can help me understand a particular frame of mind of seen among married couples. What prompted me to post this is an experience I had yesterday at work. I'm a personal trainer for Gold's Gym and as I was leaving yesterday I noticed this young woman standing just inside our front doors, obviously waiting for a ride. She's a regular member, so I've seen her many times at the gym and have even spoken briefly with her a couple times. *I was on my way out the door to lunch, so I asked her if she needed a ride--it was a miserable day, weather-wise and she looked very impatient. She gave me a timid, almost scared deer-in-the-headlights look and then smiled tentatively and said, "Well, thanks, but I just couldnt'; my husband usually drops me off and picks me up and he would totally flip-out if he found out a man gave me a ride home." She was waiting for her sister, she said. She went on to say that her husband is ultra-jealous and almost didn;t even let her get a gym memebership, since she'd be working out around men! (heavens forbid! lol) But he finally did grant her permission to workout as long as he picks her up and drops her off. She told me her husband would most likely divorce her if he found out she accepted an innocent ride home from a gym employee.*So my question is this--and hopefully it can be answered by someone with firsthand experience from either the wife's or husband's situation in this scenario. "How could an otherwise normal woman accept this sort of treamtment from her husband? Has she no dignity? And on the other side of the coin, how could a man be such a toolbag to treat his wife like chattle?* This is just a tiny examply of why I'm happily single and always will be, come hell or highwater, and also why most marriages I see simply make me shake my head and count my lucky stars I'm not yoked in such disfunction.* Thanks for your thoughts.
How sad I have been married to a man like that before and it sucks and is NOT WORTH IT
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:05 PM
 
5,890 posts, read 4,605,311 times
Reputation: 2753
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerBoy View Post
I'm posting this thread in the hope that someone can help me understand a particular frame of mind of seen among married couples. What prompted me to post this is an experience I had yesterday at work. I'm a personal trainer for Gold's Gym and as I was leaving yesterday I noticed this young woman standing just inside our front doors, obviously waiting for a ride. She's a regular member, so I've seen her many times at the gym and have even spoken briefly with her a couple times. *I was on my way out the door to lunch, so I asked her if she needed a ride--it was a miserable day, weather-wise and she looked very impatient. She gave me a timid, almost scared deer-in-the-headlights look and then smiled tentatively and said, "Well, thanks, but I just couldnt'; my husband usually drops me off and picks me up and he would totally flip-out if he found out a man gave me a ride home." She was waiting for her sister, she said. She went on to say that her husband is ultra-jealous and almost didn;t even let her get a gym memebership, since she'd be working out around men! (heavens forbid! lol) But he finally did grant her permission to workout as long as he picks her up and drops her off. She told me her husband would most likely divorce her if he found out she accepted an innocent ride home from a gym employee.*So my question is this--and hopefully it can be answered by someone with firsthand experience from either the wife's or husband's situation in this scenario. "How could an otherwise normal woman accept this sort of treamtment from her husband? Has she no dignity? And on the other side of the coin, how could a man be such a toolbag to treat his wife like chattle?* This is just a tiny examply of why I'm happily single and always will be, come hell or highwater, and also why most marriages I see simply make me shake my head and count my lucky stars I'm not yoked in such disfunction.* Thanks for your thoughts.
Reasons like this are why my gym is not co-ed!
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
1,570 posts, read 3,416,866 times
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It's psychological abuse: NPR Media Player

This was on yesterday. The wound no one can see.

It's very sad. The story said about 1 in 4 relationships go through psychological abuse and forty percent of those go on to physical violence.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:09 PM
 
1,325 posts, read 1,173,086 times
Reputation: 952
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerBoy View Post
I'm posting this thread in the hope that someone can help me understand a particular frame of mind of seen among married couples. What prompted me to post this is an experience I had yesterday at work. I'm a personal trainer for Gold's Gym and as I was leaving yesterday I noticed this young woman standing just inside our front doors, obviously waiting for a ride. She's a regular member, so I've seen her many times at the gym and have even spoken briefly with her a couple times. *I was on my way out the door to lunch, so I asked her if she needed a ride--it was a miserable day, weather-wise and she looked very impatient. She gave me a timid, almost scared deer-in-the-headlights look and then smiled tentatively and said, "Well, thanks, but I just couldnt'; my husband usually drops me off and picks me up and he would totally flip-out if he found out a man gave me a ride home." She was waiting for her sister, she said. She went on to say that her husband is ultra-jealous and almost didn;t even let her get a gym memebership, since she'd be working out around men! (heavens forbid! lol) But he finally did grant her permission to workout as long as he picks her up and drops her off. She told me her husband would most likely divorce her if he found out she accepted an innocent ride home from a gym employee.*So my question is this--and hopefully it can be answered by someone with firsthand experience from either the wife's or husband's situation in this scenario. "How could an otherwise normal woman accept this sort of treamtment from her husband? Has she no dignity? And on the other side of the coin, how could a man be such a toolbag to treat his wife like chattle?* This is just a tiny examply of why I'm happily single and always will be, come hell or highwater, and also why most marriages I see simply make me shake my head and count my lucky stars I'm not yoked in such disfunction.* Thanks for your thoughts.

:shrug: All I can say is it takes two to Tango. There's extremes on both ends--the husband is super controlling and I can only assume she loves dominant men and is super demure. After all she married him. Stop questioning it and chalk it up to them being a good match for each other.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:23 PM
 
526 posts, read 1,262,424 times
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She has very low self-esteem and probably grew up in a dysfunctional family. This is an abusive relationship and NOT NORMAL.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:28 PM
 
Location: 2nd state in the union...
2,382 posts, read 2,567,618 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrummerBoy View Post
*So my question is this--and hopefully it can be answered by someone with firsthand experience from either the wife's or husband's situation in this scenario. "How could an otherwise normal woman accept this sort of treamtment from her husband? Has she no dignity? And on the other side of the coin, how could a man be such a toolbag to treat his wife like chattle?*
It's really all too common and does go both ways.

I used to be married to someone who tried to control pretty much every aspect of my life. In fact, he once told blew a gasket because I shaved my legs before work and somewhere in his delusional mind he thought that meant I was having an affair. WTF? Anyway, I just blew it off but there were many more, similar instances. Why did I put up with it? I guess I was naive at the time, had low self-esteem, didn't want to be alone, didn't understand I didn't have to put up with it. A bunch of reasons. But eventually I wised up and knew that wasn't the way it's supposed to be.

There are a lot of domestic abuse situations where both women and men stay in the relationship despite the physical, verbal and/or psychological abuse they receive. Somehow they justify it in their heads or simply can't or don't want to find a way out. The reasons are endless.

Not everyone is strong enough to put a stop to it or walk or way; nor is everyone wise enough to understand that's not the way a person should treat another.

It really is very sad but unfortunately, still happens way too much.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:44 PM
 
Location: OCEAN BREEZES AND VIEWS SAN CLEMENTE
17,738 posts, read 7,712,619 times
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How sad, I too am married but not to a nut like that. Seems he has a problem, with jealously, not Only that, he seems to have a trust issue with his wife, which is not a good point for a marriage.
No disrespect to you for wanting to help her out, but i would not accept a ride from you either, in today's crazy world, she does not know you that good, and too many fruitcases out there.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:51 PM
 
1,325 posts, read 1,173,086 times
Reputation: 952
Quote:
Originally Posted by applejuice View Post
She has very low self-esteem and probably grew up in a dysfunctional family. This is an abusive relationship and NOT NORMAL.
I wasn't aware you personally knew the woman the OP was referring to. /s

Funny how polarized people are on this and how they cannot even fathom the woman's lifestyle. Chalk it up to women today generally being so feminized they could never consider a traditional stereotypical role of submissive housewife. Because of that it's understandable that an extreme version of that is incomprehensible. Still doesn't make it wrong though and nobody here is in a position to judge them.
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Old 01-09-2010, 06:08 PM
 
4,891 posts, read 11,989,210 times
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many times the husband doesnt show signs of control like this until AFTER the wedding. all of a sudden things change and the woman may feel like she needs to make it work. what can you do?
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