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Your husband does not have to *earn* your respect. You gave him Respect status when you married him, and he gave the same status to you in the same transaction. That's a huge part of marriage, and it is perfectly normal! For whatever reason, your marriage was already downplayed in your mind when you started thinking about how he needs to earn your respect. If it weren't, you would never have thought such a thing about your husband. It really isn't normal.
With no fault divorce, the liberal use of DV laws to put men on the ropes in divorce proceedings, jail for non payment of child support and alimony and laws that transfer nearly all assets to the woman and then start talking about splitting the income, etc. etc. women no longer have any need to earn their husband's respect. They can demand that he do their bidding or suffer the consequences.
Incidentally, most of this has little to do with feminists. No fault was started in California because Ronnie and his actor friends didn't like to have to prove fault. It was usually hard on their careers. When it proved to be such a gold mine and advantage for women, the pressure on other jurisdictions became irresistible.
Jail for non payment and very biased asset splits were primarily an anti-welfare initiative by the right.
DV is another sop. Real DV is assault. Instead it's a misdemeanor, so there is seldom any evidence needed to convict. The punishment is primarily non judicial since it screws up a man's chances in divorce court, his ability to maintain a normal life and other rights.
Feminism had two profound impacts that were initially hardly grabbed by women. It opened up educational opportunities and it got employers hiring women on an equal basis. Under normal circumstances, this would have ultimately led to full equality for all women, as those who had been discriminated against prior to 1970, gradually got older and younger ones did what was needed to succeed. However, feminists thought that this would change things (such what percentage of senior management were women) overnight and rather than just doing what men had always done to get ahead - get educated and work hard - they got a lot of affirmative action implemented.
Since then, men have been discriminated in education, jobs and marriage and women whine that they can't accept a "successful" woman. Perhaps they haven't found one!
First of all, I've never been put on a pedistal & I'm sure as hell not gonna start sitting up there now.
Now, feminism. It's an ugly word in my oppinion. I like to say that feminists are a lot like male shovenists, except to a lesser degree. Male shovenists think that women ain't worth a damn while feminists are just trying to level themselves to the man.
I still can't see the crime in women trying to feel equal.
I'll admit, some women have taken it way too far. For example, the women who think they're in boss of the man just because she has his child. She can control him, treat 'im like dirt, etc. But once again, that's not feminism. that's verbal/mental abuse.
That's interesting, and unfamiliar to me. I'm curious about the reigns you have to let go of. Do you and your husband go back and forth with some sort of control thing in the relationship?
I don't know if this is the case for you, but I'm thinking that's where submissiveness might come into play in a marriage. If working together equally doesn't come natural to a couple, and one or both are always trying to control the other, their lives, etc, then somebody has to make a conscious decision to step aside/submit or strife can result.
If my husband and I go back and forth with any sort of control issues, I can't see it. He is the least controlling man I've ever known. As for me, I tend to be controlling in my other relationships (with my children, and with my employees) and in my past marriage I ran my household like a ship and barked orders like a drill officer. So maybe you are right that working together "equally" doesn't come naturally to me. I am used to getting my way.
I have made a deliberate decision to do things differently in this marriage (it's my second). It's new (less than 4 years) and I am still trying it out; this submissive, letting go of the reigns thing. It's working and much to my surprise, I am relishing it.
We always discuss big issues and I offer my input but I leave the final say to him. I trust him completely to look out for the best interest of our marriage in his decision making. He aims to please and I can't see him making any important decision that would go against anything I felt strongly about.
<thinking>
He has recently brought up the issue of having a pet. I am against it and told him so. So we'll see what he does. He may go ahead and get a pet anyway, but I don't think so.
Last edited by boodhabunny; 07-05-2010 at 11:24 PM..
What's with men wanting submissive women? Is the only way they can feel like a man if they have someone submitting to their will?
Yes, what's with it? I don't see this. What I see is men who want women who treat them decently. Since they no longer have to, many can now act like a$$holes with impunity and then wait for the best time to move on.
Of course, this is always the fault of men. They must have done "something". No, it is what their grandfathers allegedly did.
Redisca always paints marriage before the great feminist enlightening as nearly always bad and since then as much better. I beg to differ. My parent's generation, usually made good decisions about a husband and while they had their problems, they stuck it out. Things usually worked out well over time. It was their daughters who had poor luck with marriage, after the supposed enlightenment and nearly all are divorced. Feminism allowed them to make such "good" decisions. "He looked good" what how one father described his ex son in law.
Your husband does not have to *earn* your respect. You gave him Respect status when you married him, and he gave the same status to you in the same transaction. That's a huge part of marriage, and it is perfectly normal! For whatever reason, your marriage was already downplayed in your mind when you started thinking about how he needs to earn your respect. If it weren't, you would never have thought such a thing about your husband. It really isn't normal.
No, I agreed to be his partner when I married him. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't respect him. Unfortunately, it was downhill from there.
Yes, respect is earned. We don't look up to people who don't deserve it and that includes wives.
I'm not married, but I've been in a committed long term relationship for the last four years. I also strongly believe that feminism (particularly the second and third waves) is the greatest social plague of the 20th and 21st centuries, and that in due time, it will be remembered as such. My girlfriend happens to agree. Wholeheartedly. She is not a "slave", she is not "oppressed", she is not any of those dirty words agenda-driven feminists like to use to shame people who don't adhere to their corrupt, broken ideology.
May I ask why you haven't married your girlfriend?
It wasn't self-defense if he had the ability to remove himself from the situation, such as walking away, or closing a door, or leaving the premises. And it wasn't self-defense if he provoked her or if he was the instigator.
With few exceptions, it is unlawful to use physical force against another person.
Hold the phone. Weren't you the guy who thought, should some woman announce that she was carrying your child, it was perfectly appropriate to hit her in the stomach so she would miscarry?
I don't remember saying that. Physical abuse is never correct--there are other methods to induce a miscarriage other than physical violence.
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