I guess I need some advice... (wife, girlfriends, guys, single)
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Looks like Cosmic called this one correctly when he said she would try to contact you... I'm so proud of you for being so strong! Keep up the great work, and let us know if we can help in any way. I admire you very much for being able to something so difficult.
Can't you still be friends? Maybe she will change with this little wake me up you just handed her.
Maybe she's calling to give you your things back. Answer the phone. Just don't get sucked into the vortex. Be strong. You can always hang up dude.
Can't you still be friends? Maybe she will change with this little wake me up you just handed her.
Maybe she's calling to give you your things back. Answer the phone. Just don't get sucked into the vortex. Be strong. You can always hang up dude.
I'm not emotionally ready to talk to her. I appreciate the advice but at this point I think friendship is out of the question. I will eventually talk to her but I'm not ready yet.
You may be able to play her emotional state to get the borrowed stuff back. Those types tend to do a couple of things that can make them vulnerable. After a while they get so rationalizing that they start to believe they own lies and speal. Again it is a play on wanting something, which they tend to equate the loss of you with the loss of things, status, privileges, etc which makes them feel very hurt because they have been denied, again from a self centered viewpoint. So the "Stuff" actually fades in their own minds in importance until you are back in the harness again.
I would try to bargain by vague hints that if you return the stuff, we can talk. Sort of like a vague promise, best thru third parties. Send somebody else to pick up the stuff, have them drop hints, return the stuff, it might be possible to change your mind. All is fair in Love and War. Make sure she knows who to call (not you) if she wants to change her mind and give it up.
The real danger is never hump her under any circumstances. Lots of danger of going pop belly, either by accident or intent. I have seen it happen, they go thru phases. First very emotional, then sort of desperate and then massive revenge. Any weapon and all weapons are legal.
You may be lucky, that type also tends to morph into some of the worse smug nellies in so many ways, especially when demanding for their brats from the entire World, it all is just an extension of themself that is about like a Black Hole. Ask anybody who deals with kids, like school teachers, some parents are impossible, especially the selfish mommas.
I sure would not want to be her "Next Guy".
I would just play it cool, talk to her as lil as possible. Let her spin herself up and the material things will become far less important for a wee bit. No way would I ever consider taking back that type of person. You will pay for it; some how, some way.
Would keep my own emotional level way down and play for time. See what type of curves and games she wants to throw. Hopefully she knows nothing that could be used against you. Like telling the IRS or whatever. They usually do not go easy, they can get very hateful. Hell hast no fury like a Woman Scorned. (Applies to even the mild ones. ).
They just can not handle rejection of any type. You WILL be blamed for the rest of her life. Keep it extremely neutral and definitely STAY OUT of that bed.
I'm new to this particular board but I wonder if she's not trying to make you a little mad so that you can make a decision. For whatever reason, sometimes women like to be mildly bossed around. (That's bossed not slapped, hit, and punched) My sister always complains about her boyfriend not making a decision. Sometimes she'll negate what he says just so she can try to force him to stand up and make a decision for himself. I don't know why women just can't come out and say what they want but you might want to try that approach. If it doesn't work than maybe you just found yourself an Alpha Female
Speedy
I am sorry that she showed her "true colors" but just remember how she behaved.
From reading your post for many many months your one hell of a good guy and deserves someone who treats you as well as you treat them.
They say of you want to know how someone will treat you, look to se how they treat their mom. So many posts you have spoken highly of your mom, I remeber the one post about getting something special for your mom. I remember saying to myself "wow this one is a keeper"
The gifts you not going to be able to get back , however the borrowed stuff maybe adifferent story.
It almost makes me wonder if one of the reasons she is now calling is because she does not want to lose the "gravy train" she has enjoyed for the past years.
As far as the friend part hmmm would I want to have someone around who as you said is
" someone who doesn't value your opinion or want to make things better" as a friend? Remember life is to short to have someone around that is so much work. I know it would just wear me out.
If possible I say "Road trip". take a small vacation, enjoy yourself take the time to do what you want to do for the first time
Speedy
I am sorry that she showed her "true colors" but just remember how she behaved.
From reading your post for many many months your one hell of a good guy and deserves someone who treats you as well as you treat them.
They say of you want to know how someone will treat you, look to se how they treat their mom. So many posts you have spoken highly of your mom, I remeber the one post about getting something special for your mom. I remember saying to myself "wow this one is a keeper"
The gifts you not going to be able to get back , however the borrowed stuff maybe adifferent story.
It almost makes me wonder if one of the reasons she is now calling is because she does not want to lose the "gravy train" she has enjoyed for the past years.
As far as the friend part hmmm would I want to have someone around who as you said is
" someone who doesn't value your opinion or want to make things better" as a friend? Remember life is to short to have someone around that is so much work. I know it would just wear me out.
If possible I say "Road trip". take a small vacation, enjoy yourself take the time to do what you want to do for the first time
karla
I have to agree with myfask; you don't want someone like that as a friend. I'd cut my losses and not even press to get the borrowed stuff back until you're off the emotional roller coaster and feel like your feet are emotionally on steady ground. I know how you feel speedy and I actually was sucked back in because I wasn't ready to deal with the pain and paid for it dearly for several years. Stay strong (easy for me to say in hindsight) and know that you're not the only one that has been used in this manner.
I third myfask and Synopsis, you do not want a person like this as a friend. No way, no how. As for the borrowed stuff, you could play on her emotions to get it back. Make sure your strong and will not fall for anything she tries to pull. Let her think you are falling for her but do not fall under any circumstances and I have to agree w/ Cosmic and the bambino, don't do anything you will regret latter. Well, when it comes to that you could play her..... as long as you can walk away at the right moment and leave her high and dry. Just make sure when you do that you have everything you really want and do not leave a thing behind that you could want. Answer her call when your ready and tell her you want dinner, at HER place and EXACTLY what YOU want prepared for your "date" to talk. I don't know what size these things are, can they fit in your pockets w/o being noticed? This would be the time to lift what you really want back w/o her knowing. Yes, I'm saying lead her on but ONLY to get your stuff back w/o a fight and to let her know that it is over for good when you do walk out. This is why you need to be at HER place and not yours. The walking out is on YOUR terms and not hers. If the items are larger maybe there could be a friendly get together of several friends at her place and while someone has her busy out back you can run something out to your car (if you do this lock the door or just leave at that time and disappear w/o her knowing or saying goodbye). Gosh, I'm I sounding terrible. Geez, what has gotten into me. Yikes, lol.
Yes, it is tough to end a longterm relationship. Over the weekend one of our friends that came down to the lake is a divorced mom. We knew her when she was married, then the divorce, then the 4 year relationship she had w/ guy that I set her up with (what was I thinking???). She even said it, it takes time to heal and get over. She has been dating some and even said the guys that she has gone out w/ that are recently divorced are still trying to get over it. They are either looking for someone to immediately fill their ex-wives shoes or still dwelling on the divorce. She even said the same thing about herself. It has been a year since her breakup w/ the other guy and only in the last few months has she been going out on dates. It is hard and love is not easy, not easy to do nor is it easy when it ends/fades. If it was easy then it would not be worth it when it is the right thing.
I like the idea of going on a trip. Even if it is to visit your parents and spend some time on the old farm. Do things that are for you and no one else for a change. Not for her, not for clients, not for anyone else but yourself. If there is a place you have always wanted to go visit and spend some time there now is the time. Take a month or two and travel if that has always been an interest and is feasible. Go to parts of the world that you'd never dream you would ever visit. There is never no time like the present to do these things. We are either too old, too broke or busy w/ children and jobs to do the things we always dreamed of doing. Take advantage of the situation and turn it around into the best positive of your life.
I'm not emotionally ready to talk to her. I appreciate the advice but at this point I think friendship is out of the question. I will eventually talk to her but I'm not ready yet.
I think you are doing it right. The risk of not getting some stuff back is much better than the emotional risk involved with making the request (for the time being).
Odds are when you're ready to talk, she will be a lot calmer than at the moment, and you will get more mileage with your request.
If a man calls to invite a woman on a date to a particular Mexican restaurant, it's just downright rude to dismiss his offer and suggest a different eatery altogether. You are doing the inviting and the paying, so a lady should say something like, "Oh, yes, I'd love to go...I've been craving chicken enchiladas for weeks now!" And during the meal say things like, "Oh, this is wonderful! I love this place. What a clever idea. Can we get some more chips?"
Why be ungrateful when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you. Does she return your Christmas gifts too? Maybe those aren't good enough either. If she doesn't like what you graciously off, then stop inviting, I would say. Nobody likes to feel taken for granted.
Artie
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Well you could be in a very good position......
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