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This thread has morphed into some ugly beast from the seventh circle of h e l l.
What is so horrible about a guy asking a girl out? Please!!! I implore all you men to explain why you are SO AGAINST it.
I never ONCE said that I like to sit back and let the man tirelessly chase me. I do put forth an effort and I do make it clear that I am interested, but I let the guy be the one to make the initial move. This is personally what I am COMFORTABLE with. It is not about fear of rejection or me wanting to string the guy along. It is because I LIKE the guy to have the more traditional masculine role. So shoot me!!!! If a guy cannot have the balls to ask me out to grab ONE CUP OF COFFEE, then I'd hate to see him faced with bigger risks.
And yes, boys - this IS about confidence. Men who are confident in themselves aren't terrified about asking a girl out on a date. So what if she says no? Big deal. That doesn't say anything about who the guy is as a person. It just means that she doesn't want to go out with him. It happens!! Get over it! I've liked guys that haven't liked me back before. Oh well, I moved on. That's life.
I suppose now the argument will spring up about how women should be confident enough to ask men out and etc. Yes, if some women enjoy doing that, then go for it! To each, her own. It is just not my cup of tea. I don't like having the more "masculine" role. I think it is unbearably sexy when a guy takes control.
And I do make an effort, even if I'm not the one doing the asking. I don't expect guys to ask me out as I cooly sit there and make small talk. I actively show interest. So far, it's worked great for me. Hey, I like guys who are on the direct and aggressive side. Sue me.
Bold words is the key points. Each to their own. So why get so worked up about it?
Some men do what THEY feel comfortable with. Not what other women like. I can sit back, relax and be approached. It has worked for me. I also do the approaching. That also works for me. Many many men are in the same situation as me as well.
As you said; Each to their own. No need to get all up in arms like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by llratke
By the time a man is in his 40s, his attitude is "who needs this?"
There you go....the answer that took 22 pages. This is why men don't pursue!
Men don't pursue BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE TO. We are not obligated to do anything for you, let alone pursue you. Many men are comfortable with having women do the initiating. I have seen countless of women do that. I have also seen those same men pursue different women. It's a two-way street these days. This is not 1970's anymore. Time has moved on. Women do a lot of approaching, and they are happy to do so. Sue them if you don't like it.
Yes, very old fashioned, say pre 1965. I don't find it a turn off. You and Mango-Tango really don't have a clue about what men go through and what motivates them.
What I found to be a turn off was the rejection I got. I'm with the men on here. Its nice to actually know a woman is receptive. Not that many approaches end up in stalking charges but many end up with nasty put downs and gossip. By the time a man is in his 40s, his attitude is "who needs this?"
Yes, if only all men were in the top ten percent of the desirability sweepstakes, then there would be no problem. LOL
These were the same guys who got 90% of the action in their 20s too - married or not - so its obvious why so many women are looking again in their 40s.
Well I see this a lot too and what I think it's all about is they have failings in their own self and are looking to another person to top up the tank.
I think a person that is whole within themselves is looking for someone to add to their life. On the other hand if they are looking for someone to complete their life, then they will probably always be looking. It's this endless void of neediness that will try to be filled with everything from cupcakes to gambling to driving their partner and children mad. They are always looking for others to make them happy or whole.
And I have to admit in my 20's I was looking for someone to complete me. After some epiphanies I had on some overseas trips away from everything, along with life experience I realized I was barking up the wrong tree. I am the creator of my own happiness and world around me and I shouldn't force that responsibility on others. Now I have a fulfilled life, every day is a great day with a lot of variety(never ever bored or lack something to do) and I am self realized in my relationships with friends and family and with the work I do.
That's why any romantic relationship I have has to be someone with that level of maturity and also someone that will add more positives to my life. Friends or girlfriends that try to drain me, bleed me and drag me down get booted. Simple as that.
Getting back to the pursuing issue, there are so, so, so, many women out bleeting on about what they need from men, what they demand from men, what they expect from men, they need a man to complete them, etc. snooze, snooze, but I almost never hear them talk about what they can give back to the other person, what great, deep and virtuous qualities they have, etc.
As a man why would I want to invest time in someone that is a drag and tries to drain the life out of you?
wow That was a great post! And as far as THIS woman...if he treats me like a queen, I'll treat him like a king It's a two way street.
After all, what do we "need" a woman for? They're nice to have around to do the cooking and cleaning, but we can do that ourselves. Just like women can change their own oil, kill their own spiders, and open their own jars!
This thread has morphed into some ugly beast from the seventh circle of h e l l.
What is so horrible about a guy asking a girl out? Please!!! I implore all you men to explain why you are SO AGAINST it.
I never ONCE said that I like to sit back and let the man tirelessly chase me. I do put forth an effort and I do make it clear that I am interested, but I let the guy be the one to make the initial move. This is personally what I am COMFORTABLE with. It is not about fear of rejection or me wanting to string the guy along. It is because I LIKE the guy to have the more traditional masculine role. So shoot me!!!! If a guy cannot have the balls to ask me out to grab ONE CUP OF COFFEE, then I'd hate to see him faced with bigger risks.
And yes, boys - this IS about confidence. Men who are confident in themselves aren't terrified about asking a girl out on a date. So what if she says no? Big deal. That doesn't say anything about who the guy is as a person. It just means that she doesn't want to go out with him. It happens!! Get over it! I've liked guys that haven't liked me back before. Oh well, I moved on. That's life.
I suppose now the argument will spring up about how women should be confident enough to ask men out and etc. Yes, if some women enjoy doing that, then go for it! To each, her own. It is just not my cup of tea. I don't like having the more "masculine" role. I think it is unbearably sexy when a guy takes control.
And I do make an effort, even if I'm not the one doing the asking. I don't expect guys to ask me out as I cooly sit there and make small talk. I actively show interest. So far, it's worked great for me. Hey, I like guys who are on the direct and aggressive side. Sue me.
I agree with most of this and am not against a guy asking a girl out for a date, however there is one part, in bold, that I do not think is always the case. I agree that often guys have confidence issues and that prevents them from asking. On the other hand, as you point out correctly your first response, sometimes a guy is just not into a girl or is thinking about whether or not he wants to ask her out. I guess what I am saying is that sometimes it is a confidence issue, but sometimes it is not.
Last edited by Randomstudent; 01-19-2010 at 05:43 PM..
I'm not over 40 so I can't comment on whether all men over 40 are like this. But I do know that most men look for some sign of mutual interest. If the girl doesn't seem at all interested, then why waste time pursuing her? The problem here is one of interpreting non-verbal signals. A woman may think she's dropping lots of hints, but the man may miss all of them. Why? Because most men don't grasp subtlety. You may think you're being flirtatious, but the guy might not pick up on it. And so he'll conclude you're not interested in him and he'll move on.
Bold words is the key points. Each to their own. So why get so worked up about it?
Some men do what THEY feel comfortable with. Not what other women like. I can sit back, relax and be approached. It has worked for me. I also do the approaching. That also works for me. Many many men are in the same situation as me as well.
As you said; Each to their own. No need to get all up in arms like.
Men don't pursue BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE TO. We are not obligated to do anything for you, let alone pursue you. Many men are comfortable with having women do the initiating. I have seen countless of women do that. I have also seen those same men pursue different women. It's a two-way street these days. This is not 1970's anymore. Time has moved on. Women do a lot of approaching, and they are happy to do so. Sue them if you don't like it.
Dorans....(llratke looking crosseyed) hence, the reason your still single and nobody talks to you TRY SOMETHING ELSE! (and I will too)
This thread has morphed into some ugly beast from the seventh circle of h e l l.
Mango Tango.....I nearly fell off my chair laughing. And I couldn't agree more. Makes me sorry I posted the original question. GEEZE! We have some ANGRY men on here.
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That was a great post! And as far as THIS woman...if he treats me like a queen, I'll treat him like a king
TRY SOMETHING ELSE! (and I will too)
