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Well, whatever the case, my grandmother harped on marriage. When you getting married? To just about everyone.
My grandmothers were opposites. The first had grade 6 education - average for that time. After I had been out of HS for a decade, she once seemed frustrated that I'd never finish my studies and settle down. I guess that being the oldest to carry the family name was an issue. Looking back, she was probably right. She died before I finished my last exam, 3 years later. The pickings were slim by then.
My other GM was a college lecturer when she married my Grandfather in the 20s. He was more than 20 years her senior, a self made orphan and a successful doctor She always said that men should only settle down after they had seen the world, preferably after age 40.
What I didn't realize until recently (but should have considered) was that if she was a man, she would have been in the trenches of WWI and many of her potential suitors were killed or maimed in the war. Many of her highly educated and successful (in their careers) female friends never married. The last one only died a few years ago at 107.
I notice a real difference between those over 65 and those under 55. This is not really a relationship issue but has an element of it. The local club is owned by a woman who is dysfunctional and uses her husband - she recently went on a vacation with an old flame, for instance. Many local members want to "ease" her out. The older women hate her guts. Many are self made and would gladly finance this.
Her staunchest defenders are those women under 55. They see someone who has "issues". The older women recognize a good man when they see one. The younger still look at guys though the prism of "is he hot". At one time, I thought that they would change as they got older but realize that this sort of thinking is set early and is not influenced by experience.
I turned 40 today and came back to the dating world about a year or so ago.
The answer is simple: We don't have to and got sick of doing it when we were in our 20's.
Women had all the power back in their youth and guys had to chase etc. and the game has at least balanced if not tipped in favor of the guys....but many women haven't figured it out yet and still expect to be chased.
Any gal that tries to make me chase her and establish herself as "in control" of the situation...will be sitting home alone while I go out with someone else.
You're correct. At age 40, life is too short for playing games.
Unfortunately, most women would rather use "control" than just treat a man with decency and cut him a little slack.
You're correct. At age 40, life is too short for playing games.
Unfortunately, most women would rather use "control" than just treat a man with decency and cut him a little slack.
Then they wonder why it didn't work out.
Don't get me wrong, I'm totally not dogging on women here and I don't think they are trying to be malicious about control, I think it's what *some* of them have learned in thier youth. Then they got married and went off market for 15-20 years and are now returned to dating and no one told them the rules have changed with age.
Some of it might be cultural shifting but a lot of it is the raw truth of supply and demand. Some guys (dumb ones IMO) won't date more mature women but would rather date younger gals. Throw in a higher mortality rate etc. and you have a ratio that is starting to unbalance around age 40 in favor of guys and it get's more imbalanced from there.
I turned 40 today and came back to the dating world about a year or so ago.
The answer is simple: We don't have to and got sick of doing it when we were in our 20's.
Women had all the power back in their youth and guys had to chase etc. and the game has at least balanced if not tipped in favor of the guys....but many women haven't figured it out yet and still expect to be chased.
Any gal that tries to make me chase her and establish herself as "in control" of the situation...will be sitting home alone while I go out with someone else.
A lot of it I think comes down the time and drama factor. We just don't have the time or want to allocate the time to playing the "guess what I am thinking?" game some women get wrapped up in.
It's nothing personal either, I just can't be bothered with women that make it so hard. If it's trouble then I'm off somewhere else. Doesn't matter whether they are 20 or 40 either.
Another reason I wanted to add was porn. Me and a few other guys I know simply prefer porn over real women. It does not antagonize us, does not lie, cheat, steal etc etc and since it's online, its free...only the dummies pay for porn.
My grandmothers were opposites. The first had grade 6 education - average for that time. After I had been out of HS for a decade, she once seemed frustrated that I'd never finish my studies and settle down. I guess that being the oldest to carry the family name was an issue. Looking back, she was probably right. She died before I finished my last exam, 3 years later. The pickings were slim by then.
My other GM was a college lecturer when she married my Grandfather in the 20s. He was more than 20 years her senior, a self made orphan and a successful doctor She always said that men should only settle down after they had seen the world, preferably after age 40.
What I didn't realize until recently (but should have considered) was that if she was a man, she would have been in the trenches of WWI and many of her potential suitors were killed or maimed in the war. Many of her highly educated and successful (in their careers) female friends never married. The last one only died a few years ago at 107.
I notice a real difference between those over 65 and those under 55. This is not really a relationship issue but has an element of it. The local club is owned by a woman who is dysfunctional and uses her husband - she recently went on a vacation with an old flame, for instance. Many local members want to "ease" her out. The older women hate her guts. Many are self made and would gladly finance this.
Her staunchest defenders are those women under 55. They see someone who has "issues". The older women recognize a good man when they see one. The younger still look at guys though the prism of "is he hot". At one time, I thought that they would change as they got older but realize that this sort of thinking is set early and is not influenced by experience.
That's quite a story. I only have one grandma and she's been single/widowed longer than she was married at 92. Same deal, tho, she wasn't college educated. She did work most of her life and valued married for her grandchildren and anyone else in proximity, but she didn't care for her own husband much.
I turned 40 today and came back to the dating world about a year or so ago.
The answer is simple: We don't have to and got sick of doing it when we were in our 20's.
Women had all the power back in their youth and guys had to chase etc. and the game has at least balanced if not tipped in favor of the guys....but many women haven't figured it out yet and still expect to be chased.
Any gal that tries to make me chase her and establish herself as "in control" of the situation...will be sitting home alone while I go out with someone else.
Exactly. The ratios of available singles drastically flips around 35-40 years of age. And by drastic I mean DRASTIC. I don't have the numbers in front of me, but it goes from something like a 4:1 ratio in women's favor to something like 2:1 in men's favor. Even if the 2:1 was still in women's favor that's still HALF the potential mates they'd have had before. The reality that the ratio flips in favor of men is orders of magnitude fewer available men that women would be used to up to that point. That translates to the Wild E Coyote moment around 35 when women typically adjust their mating strategies. A few examples are how women begin chasing men more proactively, stopping the games they used to play, and being more sexual up front. They've got to do those things in order to compete with their more fertile younger counterparts, just ask men who date much older women (cougars). Much of these changes are gradual and subconscious.
Another reason I wanted to add was porn. Me and a few other guys I know simply prefer porn over real women. It does not antagonize us, does not lie, cheat, steal etc etc and since it's online, its free...only the dummies pay for porn.
There is a point that could be made that all women do not cause hassles either.
Some may make the argument that since porn involves instant sexual gratification at a moments notice and link it to men not caring about a woman as a person outside of sex. And other similar ideas.
Which is valid in some situations.
But I digress....
In a way I agree with you.
And in a larger general sense as well.
And I will use online socializing versus real life socializing.
Online you can pick and choose which places to post to and not to post at all.
And on some sites you can ignore those who say something you disagree with or who say something derogatory towards you and even block their comments.
And when you are tired of dealing with it just navigate elsewhere or turn off your computer.
Offline one has to deal with people.
Whether its work, dealing with government, getting goods and services, there may be people who cause one undue pain and unfairness.
Depending on the situation you may have to deal with that for an extended period.
So I can see why porn would trump real women in the minds of some.
Because sometimes some guys just want sexual release without a lot of other types of interaction.
Another reason I wanted to add was porn. Me and a few other guys I know simply prefer porn over real women. It does not antagonize us, does not lie, cheat, steal etc etc and since it's online, its free...only the dummies pay for porn.
I agree that one can quite nicely supplement real women with porn...Regarding the age factor, I cant imagine having to wait till 40 to get a leg up in the dating game; only to jockey for other men's tablescraps and sloppy seconds anyway.
Lets face it: we'll all die alone when it boils down to it. I figure - By age 40, if Ive made it that far by myself, then what more is there really to work for? Im expected to woo some 45 year old divorcee/mother of some other man's kids, just because she's finally gotten desparate? GTFOH ...and honestly, I wouldnt blame a woman for thinking the same way about older men...I couldnt see why any woman would want some older baggage ridden guy either.
Not saying I would entirely reject the notion of being in a relationship at 40, but there would be very little motivation for me to actively pursue one.
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