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Old 01-19-2010, 05:32 PM
 
3 posts, read 2,323 times
Reputation: 13
Unhappy Broken Heart

I am a 36 year old male that has been in a long distance relationship for a while now. She lives abroad and was actually on her way out here to be with me. Recently this woman that is the love of my life basically walked out of my life. We were engaged to be married and when she dropped the bomb, I could not believe it. She cited the reason for leaving to be that she was tired of feeling "not needed" and "unloved" in the relationship. The problem is, I have not been able to understand where this is coming from. I know she once in a while complained but given this was her first relationship, I assumed that she would be alright and come to her senses to realize that the relationship was good. Boy, was I wrong! She not only dropped this bomb but it appears that she is seeing someone else. She recently told me that she has met someone and she is now seeing him casually - whatever that means. I tried so hard to have her back, I tried phone calls, texts emails and finally I cannot even talk to her anymore because she blocked me. So I have found myself alone and talking to myself hoping she is going to soon pick up the phone and call me. I know many will tell me to move on and I have tried and still trying but this has been hard. Does anyone have this sort of experience? I believe that I am a good man and I honestly think that her expectations were way out of this world. She for instance would not take any slight criticism at all even the ones I made before I discovered this side of her. I have honestly believed that she would talk to me but she has broken off all means of communication and it has now been at least 3.5 months since she spoke to me. Does anyone think she will come back? I know this is an unrealistic expecation but does anyone know or can anyone advice how I can talk to this woman? I have avoided travelling to her homecountry to talk to her for fear she thinks I am a stalker or something. When I suggested to her about 2 months ago that I am thinking of coming to talk to her, she reacted in a really bad and unfriendly way and told me not to. Should I hold out hope? Or should I just count my loses and try to forget her (I have tried everything in the book and I have been pretty much unsuccessful). The incessant phone calls and texts I have been making might have turned her away - the question is, how do I reach out to her and apologize for this? How can I apologize for wanting to talk to her so bad? I always knew this woman as one that would be there for me always and it always seemed like she needed more more but now it almost seems like she does not feel anything for me, she simply does not seem to care at all! How can I make her remember the good times we shared. Or has her new man taken this away from us and she will never be able to miss or even to think about it? I have been devastated for a really long time now even though I have to admit I feel far much better today than I did a month ago.
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Old 01-19-2010, 05:48 PM
 
1,013 posts, read 1,467,694 times
Reputation: 433
sounds like she has moved on and you need to do the same. it will take a while, but it will happen. good luck.
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Old 01-19-2010, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Turn Left at Greenland
17,517 posts, read 23,424,747 times
Reputation: 7361
I'm moving this over to the relationships board ...
__________________
If there won't be dancing at the revolution, I'm not coming.
Emma Goldman
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Old 01-19-2010, 06:42 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 9,065,134 times
Reputation: 3588
You are a stalker and you need to find a new target. When a woman blocks your phone, emails and texts she has no intention of comingback to you and wants you OUT of her life. No stalker is ever a good man. It sounds like you thought that her lack of relationship experience would make her think that you are a great catch, but even with her lack of experience she pegged you as someone who is NOT relationship material.

Maybe you really need to re-think the "I'm a good man" thing.
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:10 PM
 
6,352 posts, read 8,098,227 times
Reputation: 5198
The only way you will get over her is to move on. Go out, enjoy yourself, forget about her the best you can. You want to find someone who loves you as much as you love them, do not settle.
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
6,488 posts, read 8,001,184 times
Reputation: 8302
Let her go. You'll only hurt yourself by trying to hold onto her. Move along. Find someone else. Try to take along something you've learned from this relationship to the next one, but otherwise forget her.
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:20 PM
 
25,085 posts, read 8,025,905 times
Reputation: 41586
My heart goes out to the OP. There r no fast answer to healing a broken heart, just know healing always comes...
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:28 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,168 posts, read 51,397,110 times
Reputation: 35184
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tombana View Post
I am a 36 year old male that has been in a long distance relationship for a while now. She lives abroad and was actually on her way out here to be with me. Recently this woman that is the love of my life basically walked out of my life. We were engaged to be married and when she dropped the bomb, I could not believe it. She cited the reason for leaving to be that she was tired of feeling "not needed" and "unloved" in the relationship. The problem is, I have not been able to understand where this is coming from. I know she once in a while complained but given this was her first relationship, I assumed that she would be alright and come to her senses to realize that the relationship was good. Boy, was I wrong! She not only dropped this bomb but it appears that she is seeing someone else. She recently told me that she has met someone and she is now seeing him casually - whatever that means. I tried so hard to have her back, I tried phone calls, texts emails and finally I cannot even talk to her anymore because she blocked me. So I have found myself alone and talking to myself hoping she is going to soon pick up the phone and call me. I know many will tell me to move on and I have tried and still trying but this has been hard. Does anyone have this sort of experience? I believe that I am a good man and I honestly think that her expectations were way out of this world. She for instance would not take any slight criticism at all even the ones I made before I discovered this side of her. I have honestly believed that she would talk to me but she has broken off all means of communication and it has now been at least 3.5 months since she spoke to me. Does anyone think she will come back? I know this is an unrealistic expecation but does anyone know or can anyone advice how I can talk to this woman? I have avoided travelling to her homecountry to talk to her for fear she thinks I am a stalker or something. When I suggested to her about 2 months ago that I am thinking of coming to talk to her, she reacted in a really bad and unfriendly way and told me not to. Should I hold out hope? Or should I just count my loses and try to forget her (I have tried everything in the book and I have been pretty much unsuccessful). The incessant phone calls and texts I have been making might have turned her away - the question is, how do I reach out to her and apologize for this? How can I apologize for wanting to talk to her so bad? I always knew this woman as one that would be there for me always and it always seemed like she needed more more but now it almost seems like she does not feel anything for me, she simply does not seem to care at all! How can I make her remember the good times we shared. Or has her new man taken this away from us and she will never be able to miss or even to think about it? I have been devastated for a really long time now even though I have to admit I feel far much better today than I did a month ago.
So glad you are feeling a bit better today - having your heart broken is like recovering from a long painful illness. Just be good to yourself, get a lot of rest, eat right, and try not to think about her too much.

Sorry to say, I do not think she is coming back. And because she isn't, you have to start moving forward in your life again okay?

STOP immediately with any texting, calls or emails. This is not making you attractive to her at all! In fact, needy men are a huge turnoff for most women. You are just losing more respect by continuing to try to reach her. You really need to hear me on that, okay?

Turn your focus to other things - get a good workout routine established, go out and be with friends, just STAY BUSY. This too shall pass, I promise.
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,168 posts, read 51,397,110 times
Reputation: 35184
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
You are a stalker and you need to find a new target. When a woman blocks your phone, emails and texts she has no intention of comingback to you and wants you OUT of her life. No stalker is ever a good man. It sounds like you thought that her lack of relationship experience would make her think that you are a great catch, but even with her lack of experience she pegged you as someone who is NOT relationship material.

Maybe you really need to re-think the "I'm a good man" thing.
oh please

Even "good men" get desparate sometimes and do stupid things they shouldn't out of that desparation. I'm sure he is a fine man - he just wasn't the right man for her.
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Old 01-19-2010, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 50,932,669 times
Reputation: 22711
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
You are a stalker and you need to find a new target. When a woman blocks your phone, emails and texts she has no intention of comingback to you and wants you OUT of her life. No stalker is ever a good man. It sounds like you thought that her lack of relationship experience would make her think that you are a great catch, but even with her lack of experience she pegged you as someone who is NOT relationship material.

Maybe you really need to re-think the "I'm a good man" thing.
Exactly!

Our dear buddy thought he found a very young, pretty, inexpeperienced, foreign thing he could mold, criticize, and control, but it didn't happen. How sad, too bad!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tombana View Post
I am a 36 year old male

I know she once in a while complained but given this was her first relationship, I assumed that she would be alright and come to her senses to realize that the relationship was good.

She for instance would not take any slight criticism at all even the ones I made before I discovered this side of her.
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