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If you're having trouble in your marriage, make sure you attend marriage and individual counseling before ending your marriage. There are many success stories out there but you both have to be prepared to look at your own behavior and make changes.
Not everyone needs marriage counseling but it defiantely helps if you are in a challenging place in your relationship. There is no guarantee it will save your marriage but it will give you some clarity on your relationship. I would make sure your counselor is in a healthy relationship before hiring them.
If you're having trouble in your marriage, make sure you attend marriage and individual counseling before ending your marriage. There are many success stories out there but you both have to be prepared to look at your own behavior and make changes.
Not everyone needs marriage counseling but it defiantely helps if you are in a challenging place in your relationship. There is no guarantee it will save your marriage but it will give you some clarity on your relationship. I would make sure your counselor is in a healthy relationship before hiring them.
Sorry, but I had to lol @ the above moon. But, you're right it may definately change their outlook.
Didn't help me either. But that is because not everything was out on the table. I don't think marriage counseling can ever work if both parties don't put everything out on the table, but if they do, there is a chance it could help.
Marriage counseling...if there is a reason for marriage counseling that already means one person has checked out, and goes along with counseling because he/she is not ready to completely pull the plug. It is a waste of time if you ask me, and sadly, I have worked with couples in "counseling". It usually involves one person trying to change the other person, and either they can come to a consensus or not.
I really think marraige counseling is more about negotiating an amicable break up. What I don't like is if the marriage counselor sees both people alone, and then together. That is a red flag to me to get another counselor. Maybe once or twice is okay, but more than that is dysfunctional.
The irony with my SIL is that she borrowed these marriage books (Lies at the Alter, The Five Love Languages, etc) from me while they were still dating and was praising them, etc. But after they got married, she displayed true self-centeredness and basically went against everything the books said.
I recommend people arm themselves with knowledge (the books are great, I also liked the movie Fireproof even though I am not christian) prior to getting seriously into a relationship. And talk about the subjects with your spouses. And commit to the ideas.
I think so many problems in this life are about the words 'deserve' and 'expect.' Those are both REALLY unfair words in most situations.
Communication can help eradicate problems caused by people feeling like they deserve and expecting without conveying.
While I find her presentation a bit abrasive, I also really liked Dr Laura's Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage.
The message in all of this boils down to how you can't change other people, but you can change yourself - and strangely, your behavior alone can change the entire dynamic of a relationship.
One thing I do reccomend for couples, any marriage can benefit from "Marriage Encounter", you go away for a weekend, with other couples, and really have the opportunity to discuss issues in communication. As a group, issues are brought up, then you each write what you think of that issue in regards to your marriage, and you privately share your writing with your spouse. Peoplee can share with others, or not. I felt like this would be helpful for couples.
It did not help my marrige, but it did make me realize that we no longer had any common ground, or goals, or even a relationship that could even be salvaged.
I've done marriage counseling, but not because there were any particular issues--just because we wanted to strengthen the marriage before any issues arose. (It was offered free at church) It was really cool. It gave us tools to have level, equal participation discussions. I have nothing but good things to say about it.
The facilitators commented that it was great to have young couples in the room, because so often people don't come until there are terrible wounds in the relationship, and it's much harder to come back from that point (especially if someone's mentally checked out already).
Okay. This is for the folks who have tried marriage counseling.
Was it any good? Did help your marriage at all? Did it make things worse?
I am asking it because my husband and I are going to a marriage counselor / therapist on Friday and I don't know what to expect. I am not going with the mindset that it's going to keep my marriage from going downhill. I am keeping an open mind... Just want to know what it was like for other people.
It can be very helpful if you both are open and honest. One thing, if you do not like the therapist, don't give up, try a different one. A good therapist listens and then identifies issues as they come up. Sometimes we aren't even aware of those little innuendos like an objective person is. I like a therapist that will let you tell exactly what is bothering you, I once had counseling where they would never let me get the real issue on the table...they kept saying I needed to move past it....I couldn't move past it until I got to voice it, discuss it, and then understand how to change it. It is as little hard to answer those wuestions, there are so many variables. It brings up issues, it opens you up to feelings..........if you stay with it you can both grow...if you're lucky you will grow together. Good luck, hope it helps you alot!!
We went but it was a bit different because we were discussing a specific issue (kids).
I thought it was really tough - it brings everything to the surface and then keeps it there week after week. There is almost no way to escape addressing the issues.
Ultimately I thought it was awesome. I realized that despite some problems what really kept standing out was that we are kind to each other and that while we are both strong and stubborn personalities, there was a lot of desire in both of us to please the other.
In our case the reason we couldn't reach a decision regarding kids was less because we refused to give up our standpoint and more because we were both so focused on the other person and what we thought each other wanted that it had created a kind of stale mate. Yes I know this sounds ridiculous!
We still have sessions once a month. DH hasn't been to the last couple because he's been busy with work and I guess we don't really need the sessions any more, but I prefer to just maintain the sessions at the minute in case we need them either during this pregnancy or after the birth when we'll probably be asking ourselves what we've let ourselves in for!!
I think it cleared up a lot for us and things have mostly been amazing for the past 6 months. With our strong personalities we will always have 'exchanges of views' , but that's actually good for us.
I would wholeheartedly recommend therapy for almost anyone - in fact I think having a couple of sessions a year would be great for all couples! Like an annual marriage tune up!
Edit: I think the key is to go before it is your last resort. By the time you are going to save your marriage it may be too late to save. Go to help your communication skills with each other, or at the start of an issue, not when you have years of resentment built and one foot already out of the door. I mean i'd still go, but wouldn't be surprised if that didn't work!
Okay. This is for the folks who have tried marriage counseling.
Was it any good? Did help your marriage at all? Did it make things worse?
I am asking it because my husband and I are going to a marriage counselor / therapist on Friday and I don't know what to expect. I am not going with the mindset that it's going to keep my marriage from going downhill. I am keeping an open mind... Just want to know what it was like for other people.
I feel it works if you want it to work.
It really depends on the individual.
I know from personal experience my ex felt attacked by the MFT, he felt he was being targeted even though it was the initial visit and the MFT was trying to get a feel for where are issues were and how we dealt with them.
He was not ready to deal with the issues in our marriage and refused to continue with counseling.
This was not our first stint with a counselor by the way, it was our third with marriage education through the Army as well and self help seminars.:/
The newest MFT was independent of the military.
So as I stated, both individuals need to be open to working their issues out as well as accepting culpability for the issues that are concurrent in their marriage.
Good luck
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, but that's actually good for us. 
