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Old 01-24-2010, 05:01 PM
 
Location: New Hampshire
4,866 posts, read 5,667,461 times
Reputation: 3786

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Okay. This is for the folks who have tried marriage counseling.

Was it any good? Did help your marriage at all? Did it make things worse?

I am asking it because my husband and I are going to a marriage counselor / therapist on Friday and I don't know what to expect. I am not going with the mindset that it's going to keep my marriage from going downhill. I am keeping an open mind... Just want to know what it was like for other people.
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Old 01-24-2010, 05:04 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,652,769 times
Reputation: 10385
Didn't help me, didn't save my marriage, nor did it help anyone I know.

Counseling was more like a postmortem for me and other couples I've known, though they certainly market it as something else.
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Old 01-24-2010, 05:15 PM
 
2,189 posts, read 7,689,470 times
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While all are different, I've heard the generally focus is on the "peak" of the marriage. Problem is for most the peak was never all that great...

I'm military also and see so many people simply get married for the BAH (housing money) yet fake to themselves they're happy to be married.
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:08 AM
 
90 posts, read 321,286 times
Reputation: 150
Pre-marital therapy and marital counseling were very helpful in identifying the difficulties that existed in my relationship. You really have to respond to what the minister/therapist is saying, however, before you can get change. If you use the session just to ID what is wrong, that is the very thing that will overtake and ruin the relationhip; counselors are very good at what they do, and I was not disappointed with their work.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:03 AM
 
Location: Fuquay Varina
6,428 posts, read 9,767,907 times
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Even if counseling doesn't help and you end up divorced, at least you can say you tried and gave it your best shot.

It's alot better than just divorcing right away in my opinion.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Cobb County, Georgia
750 posts, read 2,273,339 times
Reputation: 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning View Post
Even if counseling doesn't help and you end up divorced, at least you can say you tried and gave it your best shot.

It's alot better than just divorcing right away in my opinion.

Yeah I agree. If your on the bounds of a divorce why not try everything you can to save the marriage. It can help and I know of people it has helped but you both have to want it to help. One can't be the aggressor and the other sit back and not really want anything to do with it. If you both go in it with an open mind and a willingness to save the marriage and a willingness to be with each other and to listen to each others concerns then you both should be fine.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:50 PM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,715,235 times
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Didn't help my disaster of a relationship either. I have no faith in counseling whatsoever.

Talk therapy is good for off loading but I don't think it offers any real solutions.

I used to think people can change but if someone is abusive or has drug/alcohol problems the odds are stacked against any organic long term behaviour modification.

There are exceptions obviously.
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Old 01-25-2010, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,002 posts, read 18,584,172 times
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We went, about five years ago. It helped so much, but we both participated 100 percent though, that is the key, you both have to want to be there.

Our issues were relatively minor, and once we figured out what was bothering each other, all our problems came to an end. The counselor helped us to see things from a different perspective. We continue some of the things we learned there when things start to get rough, we have learned to stop an argument before it begins.

I remember hugging and making out in the parking lot after our sessions. It was money well spent
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Old 01-26-2010, 03:22 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,663 posts, read 8,649,754 times
Reputation: 3750
We went to therapy last year for 3 months, it helped at first then it made it worse, so we stopped going.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:47 PM
 
Location: California
37,097 posts, read 42,098,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning View Post
Even if counseling doesn't help and you end up divorced, at least you can say you tried and gave it your best shot.

It's alot better than just divorcing right away in my opinion.
Well that's one of the reasons MC doesn't work. Our therapist told us that is works only when both people are committed and have a specific issue/issue to work through. But when one or both already know they want out then going to MC just to say you "tried" is stupid. The one wanting the marriage to work is going to feel rediculous trying to do the work that MC requires while the one wanting out is going to become even more resentful. Please believe me when I say this.

In this case MC can be a disaster and make the divorce far worse than it might have been.
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