The Danger of Partner Swapping and Swinging (date, female, single)

[KillMePlzzzzz]

Originally Posted by Onglet39

I need a translator for this post.

Well lolz - may be i didnt put it correctly --- what i say is i am very much against this swapping thingi just like ya and i will never ever try to think about it -- well i know mind generates weired thoughts and u have to divert it and do come thing else and get busy so that u dont think a lot abt swapping --- and b4 you try to do it think abt the future - how will u face the kids when they come to knwo that the mom was swapped for lust of the dad uuuhhhh they will be hurt a lot ..

[KillMePlzzzzz]

Originally Posted by robee70

Translation:
Thinks you're a man - He thought about doing it, but then he realized that he'd rather die by his own hand than have his kids know that he swapped their mom.

thanks for translating u said it right -- but i never thought abt doing it though

[Lucario]

Originally Posted by DrummerBoy

Swinging and partner swapping is incredibly sexxy and stimulating and can be very, very helpful to rejuvenating a couple's sex life. I don't regret a minute of it. The dirty secret is that everyone who hasn't ever tried it secretly wants to.

I think that's insane. If you like it, fine, but don't for one minute think everyone agrees with you.

[OngletNYC]

Originally Posted by KillMePlzzzzz

Well lolz - may be i didnt put it correctly --- what i say is i am very much against this swapping thingi just like ya and i will never ever try to think about it -- well i know mind generates weired thoughts and u have to divert it and do come thing else and get busy so that u dont think a lot abt swapping --- and b4 you try to do it think abt the future - how will u face the kids when they come to knwo that the mom was swapped for lust of the dad uuuhhhh they will be hurt a lot ..

I can still barely understand what you are saying here. Allow me to simply say I am against swapping when it comes to myself... what other people do is their business.

[KillMePlzzzzz]

Originally Posted by Onglet39

I can still barely understand what you are saying here. Allow me to simply say I am against swapping when it comes to myself... what other people do is their business.

lolz -- it might be coz of the frustration - - i am not getting words to express my feelings

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by KillMePlzzzzz

Well lolz - may be i didnt put it correctly --- what i say is i am very much against this swapping thingi just like ya and i will never ever try to think about it -- well i know mind generates weired thoughts and u have to divert it and do come thing else and get busy so that u dont think a lot abt swapping --- and b4 you try to do it think abt the future - how will u face the kids when they come to knwo that the mom was swapped for lust of the dad uuuhhhh they will be hurt a lot ..

I got a headache trying to read this. Please use a spell checker and write in full sentences.

[KillMePlzzzzz]

hehhehehehehee

[JustJulia]

I agree with Denny. KMP, I try not to criticize this kind of thing, but the way you write reminds me of my 8th grade daughter's friends on Facebook. Please stop with the OMG lolzzzzz crap. Srsly.

[Travelling fella]

I had a relationship with somebody who had been in the swingers lifestyle for 5 years but she didn't reveal it to me, I found this out after almost 4 years of knowing each other, when I did it devastated me, but it finally made me understand several problems we were having.

The story is long to tell it here so I'll just mention some key points.

1 When we met I found her absolutely gorgeous and we exchanged looks this made me think that she was interested in getting to know me so I approached her and yes she was very interested in me and she was very nice as well this left a good impression in me and I started dating with her after that.

2 Soon after this there was something that made me uneasy but unwise me didn't pay attention to those red flags in the moment, she was wanting to go waaay too fast putting too much pressure on me, I didn't understand why the rush? I wanted to have time to get to know each other more and enjoy ourselves but she seemed very anxious, she was also overly demanding with me even though we were beginning dating and didn't have any formal commitment yet, because of this I didn't want to start a sexual relationship just yet, but after a month of so of dates she proposed me to be together and it happened, I can't say that I didn't enjoy it although I felt something weird deep inside me, a feeling that there was something not right, after this happened she started to become even more demanding saying that I was just using her for sex, etc. Well silly me thought ok this girl seems to be everything I've wished for perhaps it is me who is fearful of commitment who is putting a barrier instead of letting things flow, I should have paid more attention to those intuitions but I accepted to become his boyfriend.

3 I got transferred to Brazil because of my job, this happened 2 months after we met and I invited her to come with me, she accepted and we lived together there for one year and a half, when we began our life together, she put tremendous amounts of energy in demonstrating me that she was the perfect wife, in an obsessive neurotical way, she also started becoming insanely jealous, having a fit for nothing, these continuous fights drained my energy and desire to continue the relationship, things got worse when we got back home, she started to act weirder, and sex got weirder also, this feeling that there was something strange became bigger, all of this made us slowly drift away from each other until I took the decision to break up it was a very hard decision to make as I had some attachment to her for the time we had been together and what we've been through but after much pondering I realized that our relationship had ended months ago even if we were still "together"

4 When I told her this she became desesperate and tried to convince me of continuing the relationship, she cried a lot, begged, told me a lot of things that stirred me and made me feel bad, but I didn't change my mind, I felt pretty bad after this happened but deep inside me I knew it was the right thing to do.

5 After a year we left each other she called me out of the blue, I was surprised because of this, well we met and one thing lead to other and we got back, after a week of being together again I started noticing that she was very different, her eyes were different, her attitude was different, even her voice seemed different, there was something really wrong when we were intimate together, I tried to talk to her about this but I was always the one to blame according to her and she refused to make any more comments, some times she said though, the problem is that you are too nice, and that's a turn off for me, then I said fine if we aren't sexually compatible is best to leave each other, but then the drama started again, after much pondering, thinking, introspection and analysis I realized that she was a swinger that she had been into this for years and that the person I believed she was, was just a facade she put to attract me but this time she was showing her real self, following my intuition one day I told her, hey you know I've been thinking that perhaps you are right and I'm too nice, so I got the following idea, why don't you and me go to a swingers club and have some fun, her eyes immediately lightened and she told me, would you really go to a place like that with me??? I said yes and then she said, just imagine all the kinds of persons that will propose things to us!!! Then I looked at her again and said, all this time you've been lying to me didn't you, why didn't you have the courage to tell me about your swinger lifestyle when I confronted her, she couldn't even speak or look at my eyes, she just ran away, then she changed her phone number, deleted her facebook account and just ran away, she didn't have the courage to accept this.

6 What hurt me the most was the fact that I never wanted a relationship in the first place and she lied and manipulated me into one, I can't blame her because it was me who took the decisions and who didn't pay attention to the redflags but it still hurt a lot, but what hurt me the most is that she was constantly calling me a cheater, traitor, infidel, dirty man, etc and I never ever betrayed her, she was also constantly attacking me for my faults and she had this idealized image of herself as the savior of the world constantly criticizing others for not being fans of PETA or into the vegan lifestyle as she was.

7 Reading the posts of the person who started this thread who said that most swingers come from abusive backgrounds, I have to say that my ex had issues with her mother and brothers, she didn't talk to them this situation had more than 10 years, she always changed the topic to avoid talking of this, but it seems that she was in a situation where her mother was verbally and phisically violent with her, her brothers were abusive too and her father was too weak to stand up and defend her, all of this made me feel very sorry for her even though one part of me was angry and hurt in the end I would never wish any bad things on her and it was a person that I loved and saw the good in her, because of this it also hurt me a lot to imagine all the things she did in those places.

8 all this has a bit more than one year and I still have scars from it, most have healed but I don't feel ready for another relationship just yet, I prefer to have female friends and date ocasionally, now it's much better though because the first months we broke up I couldn't even date a girl, I'm also much more aware of my inner voices and intuitions and look much more into people when knowing them.

because of this I know about all the evils about swinging, thanks for listening.

[mlmr11]

Originally Posted by Onglet39

That's just absolutely false. How judgmental & full of yourself you must be to assume everyone secretly wants to live your lifestyle. Some people might, but everyone? Nope.

I don't knock swingers for doing what they want with their lives, too bad swingers can't do the same for those who choose to live their lives differently.

I suspect you do this, make false claims that everyone wants to do what you are doing, because you are insecure about your lifestyle. I can't think of any other reason for it. And it is a common trait among the swinger crowd.

You are correct. That is a very common theme among the swinger crowd.
What most don't want to tell you is the abuse they've suffered as children and so on.
It is a very low self esteem crowd.
I've been there , I know. I suffer from it just like all of them.
I once asked a sexual partner that was really into me what the hell the extreme attraction was and she said " you were the unattainable guy in high school".
If I had a nickle for every time I heard "I was so shy in high school " or "My parents divorce arrested my sexual development" or even " I was sexually abused as a child" I'd be living in a mansion.
That lifestyle is full of the classic Madahari's and Don Juans .
I know I was one of them and so was my ex mistress.
My poor wife was doing this just to make me happy just like all the other passive aggressive partners in these f**ked up marriages.
Swinger people only make up less than 1% of the population so don't flatter yourself into thinking everyone loves you and wants to be you.
I know that I wish I had the self esteem to be the best husband I can be to my wife. I hate having to need multiple sex partners. Nothing is more empty or enslaving than that.
Swinging is not about making your relationship better it's about pleasing yourself.
It's nonsense to say anything else.
How the hell are you supposed to make your relationship stronger when you're focusing on f**king someone else ??
I would suggest to those people that defend their actions in the lifestyle to do some reading up on the psychology of the love cycle.
It might give them a healthier perspective.
I'm not a religious man but the bible is full of metaphors for us to learn from.
How many "cities" were destroyed from decadent lifestyles in the bible?
Decadent "cities" ( I put quotation around "cities" because I believe the bible uses cities as a metaphor for communities, friendships, marriages and social networks) are nihilistic ones that cannot survive because they're ones of total selfishness with il regard for community and give and take.