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Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,293 posts, read 16,159,358 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by b52
I think you opened up a hot topic. A while back when I really thought it was possible to have a meaningful relationship, I looked around at the divorce rate and realized that soon we would have lots of people, middle aged and single. I think the demographic is ignored and there are lots of people in your/our situation. Many of us as Helena says don't live in 'walkable' cities. I think that makes a huge difference. It's impossible to meet people if you live in the burbs and spend most of your life in your car. Also when you get older (and wiser) you take fewer risks and let's face it, putting yourself 'out there' is risky, even scary. So what's the answer? I wish I knew....
The answer is:
Let's all of us old sourpusses get together somewhere. Plan a cruise. There's always something else to do on a cruise. We'll even let the young sourpusses join in - single, married, widowed, divorced, gay, black, white, yellow, blue, mean, nice, happy, depressed, ... who cares.
I think that would be fun actually - and you never know..... "The Love Boat".
As we grow older, hopefully we also grow wiser. We look for different things in the opposite sex than we did when we were younger. So, what appealed to me as a 20 yr old, is not important as a 40-something yr old. I prefer an older man who is settled in his job and his life than someone who is still trying to find themself. But nowadays, so many men want a young girl with a hot body. Well, that leaves the rest of us "nice women", standing around.
Right now I do know that I don't want any permanent ties to anybody. I would LOVE a good friend though. It's not pleasant to run around to different activities or have any interests or want to take the dogs to the park all alone all the time. Go to a nice restaurant alone? Vacation alone?
Grow OLD alone?
_____________________
There's a good point (I couldnt give u another + rep today!) A companion with things in common is important. Also there must be alot of late 30's to late 50s demographic that is ignored.
I have to be honest and say I agree, vpcats. There is no sense in having a relationship just for the sake of that alone... people get more set in their ways, and if they dont know exactly what they want- they at least know what they dont want. (The problem is so much of what you dont want is out there---lol)
Here's a wee bit of hope for you - my spouse 55, we will be married 10 years in August. I had been married x 2 and had determined that I would never, ever, never get involved again. My sibling arranged a blind date with a pharmacist - told the pharmacist that we (sibling and I) were "just alike" (we're daylight and dark). The pharmacist had never been married, decided that marriage probably wasn't in the cards at that late date, had given up all hope. Nothing ever quite worked.
We met in March on a blind date, bought a house in July, and married in August. Spouse accepted my two sons without question and went through some interesting times with them (they were 17 and 19, need I say more?). Today we truly are a happy "family" and my sons have the greatest of respect for my spouse.
She's out there - I promise. Bookstores and libraries and the garden center -that's where the women are - men are at Home Depot :-)
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,293 posts, read 16,159,358 times
Reputation: 7018
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam I Am
Montana-
Here's a wee bit of hope for you - my spouse 55, we will be married 10 years in August. I had been married x 2 and had determined that I would never, ever, never get involved again. My sibling arranged a blind date with a pharmacist - told the pharmacist that we (sibling and I) were "just alike" (we're daylight and dark). The pharmacist had never been married, decided that marriage probably wasn't in the cards at that late date, had given up all hope. Nothing ever quite worked.
We met in March on a blind date, bought a house in July, and married in August. Spouse accepted my two sons without question and went through some interesting times with them (they were 17 and 19, need I say more?). Today we truly are a happy "family" and my sons have the greatest of respect for my spouse.
She's out there - I promise. Bookstores and libraries and the garden center -that's where the women are - men are at Home Depot :-)
SOME women may be in those places. I'm at Home Depot, Costco, and Petsmart. Oh and the vet. Maybe I need to peruse a more sophisticated spot. Hmmmmm.
Just from reading your posts, you come across as being intelligent, articulate, and you know how to write. Trust me, there ARE women out there who are in your age range who are looking for intelligent, dynamic men. I certainly would not give up hope! (Trust me: there seems to be a shortage of decent, smart men out there...) Your age needs to be seen/regarded as a benefit: It seems to me that we are a whole lot better, (more grounded, mature, etc.) in our fifties than when we were younger...I know I am! Heck, if you wanted to by-pass Tennessee for New England, I'd date ya! The way I see it, at our age we are freer than ever before, especially when being single. Especially if we are capable of enjoying our own company and being on good terms with solitude. (Versus loneliness.) If you're into literature and art, that's good enough for me! --Seriously, keep on your path; there has got to be someone out there who in time will appear. Good luck.
Some thoughtful advice posted here. I just wanted to relay a few things that I've noticed, in the hopes it could help anyone. For myself, I've found it no more easy or difficult to date as each decade has passed. I've always seemed to attract someone I'd be interested in when out & about having fun, as Crew & a few others have said. When I took the pressure off myself of holding high expectations of meeting "the one" everytime I went out, I lightened up, began to enjoy myself & whether I met someone or not, just had more fun. That always happens when I am involved in things I enjoy - taking a class, attending a lecture, having lunch alone, attending a play/opera/ballet/symphony, walking on the beach, sitting at a bookstore/Starbucks for an hour or two, finding a racquetball partner, going to the gym - all things I'd do & places I'd go with someone or alone.
Being relaxed & being myself is what makes someone approach me, I'm sure of it. We've all noticed folks, younger & older, who go to a bar/club/restaurant/social event/party & try too hard. But, the alternative is not doing/saying anything & both result in going home equally lonely with no hopes of a friend or potential mate.
I think your pull towards TN is fantastic & kudos to you for following those internal nudges & your heart. Every single time I've listened to those nudges, it's turned out great. I can just feel that's where you'll meet someone, hence your draw to the area. Getting into playing music you love, or even listening live, is wonderful & there are many folks who have that desire, men & women. I'm sure you'll meet many of them there & perhaps someone while you're out & about doing errands one day who'd love to see a band play, but is hesitant to go alone. Now, lucky her, she's got an escort who's also a musician.
I like when a man is respectfully direct, striking up a casual conversation & then asking if I'd like to attend an event or have a coffee/lunch/drink with him. I know that women differ, probably many here, too, but I'm 48 & don't feel comfortable asking a man out. Perhaps it's a generational thing. Perhaps it's my upbringing. So, I do stay within my comfort zone, in regard to that. I've had lovely conversations in store/grocery/theatre lines, many, many times with men I would have gone out with, had they asked. Although there was a strong, immediate attraction on both sides, they left without asking. Yes, they could have been involved with someone else & then bravo to them for going home to her. She's one lucky woman & deserves the man she has. But, perhaps that's not always been the case. I'll never know, because they didn't ask. My point is, I'd think many women my age & older do wait to be approached. A nice feature in your music is that you can ask a woman if she'd like to hear you play & if she says "Sure, my husband loves that kind of music", still no loss. You may have great friends in the making & they'll surely know others who may be a nice match for you. It will expand your social circle & you'll have a full social calendar in no time. Remember that a 'no' doesn't always mean rejection of an individual, as it can sometimes mean you look like/sound like/reminder her of her ex/brother-in-law/boss, etc.
For what's it worth, I'd like to say this. I've eliminated certain language, like "What if it doesn't work out?" & "This is hard" or "That won't work" from my vacabulary. At the risk of being chased to the Metaphysical forum (of which there is none at the moment) I feel when I say these things, I've already decided what the outcome will be - not good. Saying "It's hard to meet someone at my age/weight/height/salary/family history/hairline has only predetermined the outcome, I believe. I don't think "Dating at 48 is hard". It's no harder or different than any other age. Our preconcieved notions of others & ourselves are what hold us back from taking a chance. I only focus on quality attributes, in myself & others, & attracting quality in another, so I don't entertain anything else. It does nothing to enhance my life & I've found that the more I do it, the better/nicer/kinder/more sincere the people I attract, as friends/boyfriends/bosses & just in general. I used to self-limit alot via my language, e.g., "I'm unlucky", etc. I had nothing but bad luck then. After so long, even other people began to repeat that about me. Gee, I wonder why?
I think you'll do swimmingly in TN, you'll be doing what you love, around people who enjoy what you do & that enthusiasm will only serve to attract others to you. You're not old. My mom's friend, Alice, is almost 93 & in an assisted living facility. We visit her often. It's a lovely place & there are less than 40 residents, of which there are 4 couples who met after coming to the facility. None of the residents are under 80. Now, if Myrtle & Enid can find Flloyd & Mervin, I'm just a Starbucks or a symphony away from my Flloyd or Mervin! Well, hopefully his name won't be Flloyd, but if it is, wonderful. I'm gonna call him Sugar anyway! LOL I wish all of us here to be only one second away from a significant other, who is for our highest good! Love happens every second of everyday.
Enjoy TN & your music. Congratulations on your retirement! Enjoy everything... VV
Heck, if you wanted to by-pass Tennessee for New England, I'd date ya! The way I see it, at our age we are freer than ever before, especially when being single. Especially if we are capable of enjoying our own company and being on good terms with solitude. (Versus loneliness.) If you're into literature and art, that's good enough for me! --Seriously, keep on your path; there has got to be someone out there who in time will appear. Good luck.
Take gentle care
I just love this post! Hey, Montana, I hear June's a cutie pie, too!
I can remember when I was younger and it seemed like it wasn't all that difficult to meet women and I did have a few girlfriends but I never did get married. Now I'm 58 and even just meeting someone of the opposite sex who might be interested in having a meaningful relationship seems almost impossible. First, let me clarify a few things, I've always wanted to get married even when I was young so I'm not saying that I was just trying to have a sexual relationship. For whatever reason none of these relationships even came close to marriage. As I've gotten older the situation has slowly gotten worse and I almost feel like I have a better chance of winning the lottery than ever falling in love and having a real relationship. I notice that many people who are either divorced or never married seem to have the same problem. I know so many people who were married for a long time and now they've been single for years and I think they've just gotten into a rut like I have. I often feel like I've missed so much in life and it really can be depressing. Can any of you relate to getting older and being alone? How does a person of my age even go about trying to find companionship and intimacy?
Just thought I would bring this back to the top again. Keep posting everyone You have wonderful ideas for not only Montana but each otherI wish all of you happiness and someone to share it with
Just thought I would bring this back to the top again. Keep posting everyone You have wonderful ideas for not only Montana but each otherI wish all of you happiness and someone to share it with
That's the spirit, Blue! Love it! We can do it & VP's planning a cruise for us! I really need a vacation. Can I have an outside cabin, please?
Happiness to you, too, Blue. Thanks... VV
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Older but wiser
The way I see it, at our age we are freer than ever before, especially when being single. Especially if we are capable of enjoying our own company and being on good terms with solitude. (Versus loneliness.) If you're into literature and art, that's good enough for me! --Seriously, keep on your path; there has got to be someone out there who in time will appear. Good luck.
I feel when I say these things, I've already decided what the outcome will be - not good. Saying "It's hard to meet someone at my age/weight/height/salary/family history/hairline has only predetermined the outcome, I believe. I don't think "Dating at 48 is hard". It's no harder or different than any other age. Our preconcieved notions of others & ourselves are what hold us back from taking a chance. I only focus on quality attributes, in myself & others, & attracting quality in another, so I don't entertain anything else. It does nothing to enhance my life & I've found that the more I do it, the better/nicer/kinder/more sincere the people I attract, as friends/boyfriends/bosses & just in general. I used to self-limit alot via my language, e.g., "I'm unlucky", etc. I had nothing but bad luck then. After so long, even other people began to repeat that about me. Gee, I wonder why? 
