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Old 02-05-2010, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 73,748,232 times
Reputation: 22814

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
Like I said, I'm not sure how I would eventually cope and how it would all play out in the end, but taking another life adds a whole new dimension to your set of problems.
Excellent posts, Coolhand!

 
Old 02-05-2010, 08:26 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 11,674,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa4eyes View Post
If you are a man and you were raped by another man, would you report it to the authorities or remain silent?

I am shocked at how many men that I know that said that they wouldn't because of the massive stigma they would have to bear, and the social after effects they would have to live with...


Edit: Lets say that he either drugged you, or there's more than one of them so you can't fight, or kill them before it happens...

And lets say no revenge either, would you report it or not?
I suspect there's not a whole lot of difference between men & women when it comes to this in terms of sitting outside of the situation attempting to give a definitive yes or no as to what you would or wouldn't do in such a circumstance.

There's what you think you would do and there's what you actually do.

Personally (and I know I'll probably get hauled over the coals for my view) I think what ever the victim of such a heinous act can cope with is what they should do. AND a lot of times I think NOT REPORTING is far better than having yourself defiled for a second time by taking it to the authorities. It's hard enough for women, I can't even imagine what kind of horror it would be for a man.
 
Old 02-05-2010, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 73,748,232 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonshadow View Post
I think what ever the victim of such a heinous act can cope with is what they should do. AND a lot of times I think NOT REPORTING is far better than having yourself defiled for a second time by taking it to the authorities. It's hard enough for women, I can't even imagine what kind of horror it would be for a man.
Absolutely! And I don't think anybody can truly believe they know what they'd do unless it happens. None of us know for sure how we'd handle many things while talking just hypothetically about them.

Heck, I've felt like hypocrite sometimes giving some advice here (even though I'm not that much into it) and then go and do exactly what I'd said shouldn't be done. Do as I preach...
 
Old 02-05-2010, 09:02 PM
 
5,879 posts, read 7,235,623 times
Reputation: 2753
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Absolutely! And I don't think anybody can truly believe they know what they'd do unless it happens. None of us know for sure how we'd handle many things while talking just hypothetically about them.

Heck, I've felt like hypocrite sometimes giving some advice here (even though I'm not that much into it) and then go and do exactly what I'd said shouldn't be done. Do as I preach...
I do and I have been preparing for it my whole life. Never underestimate your opponent! The person could smile at you one minute and try to kill you the next. Be aware of your surroundings at all times.
 
Old 02-05-2010, 09:31 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 11,674,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Absolutely! And I don't think anybody can truly believe they know what they'd do unless it happens. None of us know for sure how we'd handle many things while talking just hypothetically about them.

Heck, I've felt like hypocrite sometimes giving some advice here (even though I'm not that much into it) and then go and do exactly what I'd said shouldn't be done. Do as I preach...
I find that as I get older I'm accused a whole lot more of being a fence sitter because people want a definitive response to something and the older I get the more I know that I know very little of anything. I also know that I can predict what I think I might do but I could be wrong. I think we're all perfectly capable of hypocrisy, I know I am, I also know that I learn from mistakes so I might be wishy washy and uncertain or I might be adamant about something but whether I'm right or wrong, only time will answer that and I'll just have to deal with the fall out one way or another. I do try very hard to be even minded and accepting of whatever course of action a victim (of any atrocity) feels they need to take even if it wouldn't be the course of action I would take.

I guess in relation to the thread topic my concern is always these days that a horrible thing happens to someone and they tell someone else and before you know it they're being brow beaten into a particular course of action because that's what people THINK they should do. When it comes to something like this I have come to the decision that my role would be to be supportive of whatever a victim wants to do regardless of what I think.

(Did that make ANY sense? I'm tired and I have goldfish brain. )

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2RUGGED4YOU View Post
I do and I have been preparing for it my whole life. Never underestimate your opponent! The person could smile at you one minute and try to kill you the next. Be aware of your surroundings at all times.
Not trying to get into an argument with you rugged, but it's not possible for a human being to be aware of their surroundings at all times (we do sleep, we get sick, we get overtired, we get innebriated, we get old and senile and we get weak or we have moments of weakness.) and those people who would perpertrate such crimes are well versed in spotting those moments of weakness and using them to their own advantage. That's how things like this happen.
I agree that one should strive to be aware but it's not always possible AND quite apart from that, heaven forbid, that something horrid should happen to you like suggested in the OP BUT if it did, have you thought about the guilt and self loathing that would envelope you if a momentary lapse (and we all have them) allowed for such an event?
Victims beat themselves up ALL THE TIME about what they should have done or how a simple mistake can put them in the path of such people and such horrid circumstances but ultimately THEY ARE NOT THE PROBLEM even if it was a small lapse in judgement or vigilence that got them into the situation.
 
Old 02-05-2010, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 73,748,232 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonshadow View Post
I find that as I get older I'm accused a whole lot more of being a fence sitter because people want a definitive response to something and the older I get the more I know that I know very little of anything.
Life was so much easier when we were teenagers, wasn't it?! We knew EVERYTHING!

Quote:
When it comes to something like this I have come to the decision that my role would be to be supportive of whatever a victim wants to do regardless of what I think.

(Did that make ANY sense? I'm tired and I have goldfish brain. )
Definitely! I hate to think how many relationships/marriages might've gone down the drain because of stupid advices on forums or from relatives and friends. I almost never have told anybody flat out to leave, particularly if it's a marriage and even more so if children are involved. We're not in these people's shoes and it's not our place to steer them in such a direction. I'm just outraged when the majority tells some uneducated disabled woman with a bunch of kids to leave! How can you possibly take responsibility for this?! Are you gonna house and feed these people?!
 
Old 02-05-2010, 09:51 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 11,674,473 times
Reputation: 7245
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Life was so much easier when we were teenagers, wasn't it?! We knew EVERYTHING!
Well I know I did!

(and then the cracks started appearing in my perfect little world and I had to re-think. )


Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Definitely! I hate to think how many relationships/marriages might've gone down the drain because of stupid advices on forums or from relatives and friends. I almost never have told anybody flat out to leave, particularly if it's a marriage and even more so if children are involved. We're not in these people's shoes and it's not our place to steer them in such a direction. I'm just outraged when the majority tells some uneducated disabled woman with a bunch of kids to leave! How can you possibly take responsibility for this?! Are you gonna house and feed these people?!
I'm like you. It's a very rare occasion when I have a definitive position on things like this. I would HATE to be the person that said, "DO IT! You MUST get out, you MUST do this or you MUST do that" only to discover that my words were strictly adhered to and now I am personally reponsible for being the impetus for someone else's lightning speed drop into hell. I can tell people what I would do, I can tell people what I did do in similar circumstances. I can ask them what they think they should do and I can support them one way or the other AND I can mind my own business and hope that NONE of what I do has any negative outcome for someone else. Man, life is complicated!
 
Old 02-05-2010, 09:53 PM
 
Location: southern california
53,432 posts, read 68,385,672 times
Reputation: 45017
i would however, the process of reporting is humiliating. rape is a horridly underreported crime and unpunished crime.
here is the other news, false reporting is so often a convenient weapon of revenge.
 
Old 02-06-2010, 12:40 AM
 
Location: Saudi Arabia
1,823 posts, read 1,513,042 times
Reputation: 774
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
It's one thing to say you'd kill a man, it's another to actually do it or to say you'd die first before they could get to you. Honestly, unless you've been tested before, it's very difficult to say what you would actually do. I've been put to the test in other ways where my or my loved ones safety and well being was at risk, and it's never played out the way you picture it in your head. Fortunately I did the right thing when it counted, but it didn't go down the way I thought it would prior to such an incident. When you are faced with the probability that you could spend the rest of your life in prison with hardened animals who will rape and control you at will once you pass that point of no return, things start to look different, and suddenly you realize that life isn't a Dirty Harry movie, and taking a man's life isn't easy, nor is it cut and dry for what you thought was a compelling reason.

If you think you could handle prison, lock yourself in your bathroom for 23 hours a day with no TV, internet, comfort foods, music, or CONSENSUAL sex with a woman. Pretend that outside of that bathroom are gangs of thugs who would kill you just as quick as look at you, and are eagerly waiting to prey on you when you leave the relative safety of your tiny 6x8 cell. Oh, and when you're trying to sleep at night, crank up some noise, perhaps a recording of grown men shouting and screaming for no good reason. Don't forget to pretend there is someone else in there with you, someone whose funk you have to smell, limited space you have to share, and you will never again have a private moment to yourself...community showers come with the deal too. Do this for one week and see if you don't lose your mind. Then ask if you could do it for eternity under very real and dangerous circumstances. Remember, you'll NEVER touch a woman again, and everything you ever loved, enjoyed, and sought comfort in is gone forever. In two weeks I'd bet most of you would twist the shower curtain into a rope and end it. Still want to take that guy's life?

Like I said, I'm not sure how I would eventually cope and how it would all play out in the end, but taking another life adds a whole new dimension to your set of problems.
Gr8 post dude
 
Old 02-06-2010, 12:46 AM
 
Location: Saudi Arabia
1,823 posts, read 1,513,042 times
Reputation: 774
i just pray such situation never comes to any of us ..man/woman/child/animals/vegetables the real ones and sweet pie's ! ..sigh
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