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All kidding aside, how many people have experienced this?
Is it something we just tell ourselves?
And if you're single and want a relationship, how do you REALLY, TRULY stop looking?
If you decide not to actively pursue a mate, does it also mean that you put 'blinders' on to someone attractive and interesting who comes into your view? How does that work?
I go for maybe a few days when I feel like I don't care and am giving up on finding the right one for me, but then I'm right back in there with positive hope that he's right around the corner.
Am I missing something? How do I get to that place of 'not looking'?
No, it is true! I use to try very hard and it never worked out. I just recently met someone when I was hinting, but not really looking. It just happened and seems to be going great.
This did happen to me. I don't think it is always the case, though.
I met my current SO during a college summer break that I spent in my hometown. I was 100% NOT wanting a boyfriend. I wanted to party and have fun with friends. I wanted to be able to meet and date any guy I wanted to for those 3 months.
Then I met him. We also are that other "myth", in that we started out as a casual hookup/friends with benefits. I left for school in Sept, he went overseas (military), and we stayed in touch. We became very close, and ended up really liking each other. When he got back, we became a couple.
So I absolutely was not looking for someone special, and then he turned up. I think the reason we ended up together was because 1) he was the type of guy I previously would not have dated...but since I wasn't looking a boyfriend, none of those things I "needed" had to apply, and 2) there was none of those games I usually encounter (and play...I'm not an innocent here) that come when actually dating.
What they don't mention is that "stop looking" means "stop being so damn desperate." Instead of looking, perhaps just putting yourself in the most favorable position to meet someone.
You're obviously not going to find someone if you resign yourself to a hermetic existence in the middle of the forest - and if you do, well then it must be your soul mate!
Ding! That is what it means. Most of the girlfriends I had I met by accident, you turn around in a store or a bar or where ever and you both have that "whoa" moment.
People use dating sites and stuff, some people find someone by going out with one after another. I don't have time to do that, I have other interests than having to have someone, I might not have met my "soul mate" yet because I don't try to real hard but I go with the flow.
"Don't try" may not be good advice for some, for me I am always "looking" but I'm not looking. As Billy Joel said "either way it is ok to wake up with yourself" as far as I'm concerned.
Actually when I said I don't have time to go out on date after date using date sites that isn't true. I have the time if I wanted to use my time that way but I have other priorities.
All kidding aside, how many people have experienced this?
Is it something we just tell ourselves?
And if you're single and want a relationship, how do you REALLY, TRULY stop looking?
If you decide not to actively pursue a mate, does it also mean that you put 'blinders' on to someone attractive and interesting who comes into your view? How does that work?
I go for maybe a few days when I feel like I don't care and am giving up on finding the right one for me, but then I'm right back in there with positive hope that he's right around the corner.
Am I missing something? How do I get to that place of 'not looking'?
First true blue love I ever experienced came out of a first meeting that meant nothing to me. At first, I wasn't attracted at all.
It ended up being the most powerful relationship I've ever had/experienced.
BTW, I was not looking at the time.
Did that help?
Last edited by picklejuice; 02-06-2010 at 09:07 AM..
This whole "stop looking" thing is useless for men. The problem is, if you are a man you can't completely stop looking, because women expect you to be the one that makes things happen. A woman however can sit alone at a corner and have guys ask her to dance/drink/whatever.
OK, you might always get some case like Bobman said, having a girl ask you out. But for most men this never happens. And I have heard this from women too, a couple of them told me they have never approached or asked out a man in their ENTIRE life.
I didn't even start looking. I'd been divorced for over two years and living like a monk by choice. After the less-than-pleasdant (shall we say, "toxic") end of a 25 year marriage, the last thing I was looking for or wanted was romance. I finally asked a work-only friend I'd known for five years to join me on a little day trip because I thought some company would be nice. No romance wanted or intended. Just good, adult conversation. Two months later we were married and that was 13+ years ago.
In my experience, sometimes love comes best when you're least looking for it.
I think it can happen, but it doesn't mean things are going to work out!
I met my ex when I wasn't looking. I was out walking my dogs one day (I live in an apartment) and this guy asked if he could pet my beagle, because loved beagles and had one. He was moving here from the east coast and came to look at the apartment before he moved. I saw him a couple months later in the dog park after he moved in. We had casual conversations but that was it. I was actually trying to get over another situation. Several months later we went out and he claimed he was interested in me before but I blew him off. I had no idea he was interested.
We dated for a year and then he dropped me with no explanation and I moved out of the complex.
Every date I have gone on I played at least some role in initiating.
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You'll Find Someone When You Stop Looking...
