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Old 02-06-2010, 08:44 PM
 
5,148 posts, read 1,485,348 times
Reputation: 2865
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweethearttx View Post
LOL ummmm...haha. I think I understand what you mean. It's not that I'm unwilling to try something new or to take suggestions, it's just that I don't understand how I'm supposed to compromise on my dealbreakers. And I don't understand what I'm supposed to compromise on if the men I meet just have those dealbreakers. I'm all for trying new avenues, etc. I actually never go looking for men, they find me in various places. But I have tried everything from salsa dancing (my main hobby) to cultural events to coed softball to online dating. If you have other suggestions I would be happy to hear them
You are just too focused on that, I think.

Back to football.

All you can think about is winning the Super Bowl. And you've identified you need to win games to do that. And you've identified that you need to score touch downs to do that. But right now you aren't converting any third downs to get closer to the end zone.

Somethings wrong. Maybe it's just too broad. If you need to make some sort of flow chart on how you obtain someone with each one of those qualities.
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Old 02-06-2010, 08:48 PM
 
Location: The Mango Tree
2,117 posts, read 2,786,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunflower_lol View Post
Sometimes it's helpful to focus on certain important qualities you're seeking. Compatibility is a big issue on every potential relationship. For example, I wouldn't be able to stay with a man who slept with X number of prostitutes in his earlier years. I know some people who wouldn't mind and can handle that but I can't.

Constant smoker (smoking 1 pack a day) and a binge drinker is a deal-breaker too....
I understand not wanting a guy who sleeps with prostitutes, drinks, and smokes.

Then don't seek out those guys, you know?

I get hit on by guys that I have zero interest in and would have zero interest in me if it wasn't for the way I look. That's just a fact of life - it happens. You have to wade through it. It's so much easier to build a connection with someone when you don't exactly focus everything on looks at first. This may sound ridiculous, but one of the best guys I ever dated was a guy I originally talked to on the phone. He was the friend of the brother of my friend (I know lol) and he was on the phone with my friend's brother and her brother handed me the phone while he went off to make a sandwich. We started talking and we just happened to get along really well. I didn't have a single clue what this guy looked like. We started talking basically everyday on the phone. When I finally did meet him, He was attractive.

Now I'm not suggesting you go trolling chatrooms and etc., but I'm just stating that sometimes it's better to meet guys that have been "proofed" rather than at a bar. Think about where the guys you want to meet would be and then go there.
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Old 02-06-2010, 08:50 PM
 
10,400 posts, read 6,614,485 times
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If you using any list - even the basic one in your OP - then you're being too picky. There is no man who will live up to your expectations in every way. Relationships are a give and take. If you want it, you will go for it when the time is right.

PS - you sound desperate. No offense.
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Old 02-06-2010, 08:53 PM
 
5,148 posts, read 1,485,348 times
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Originally Posted by mango tango View Post
I get where you're coming from. It's easier said than done though. Maybe guys should be the ones coaching girls in dating rather than girls coaching girls?

Probably. The best advice I ever get is from my step sister. You need somebody to be brutally honest with you, but doesn't care if they give secrets away cuz you'll never try to sleep with them.
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Old 02-06-2010, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
563 posts, read 967,462 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
If you using any list - even the basic one in your OP - then you're being too picky. There is no man who will live up to your expectations in every way. Relationships are a give and take. If you want it, you will go for it when the time is right.

PS - you sound desperate. No offense.
I think if you DON'T have a list you have an issue. And no, not desperate. If I were desperate I would be in a relationship with one of those men that wants to date me. I'm just a little lonely and a bit freaked out as I approach 30.
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Old 02-06-2010, 08:56 PM
 
5,148 posts, read 1,485,348 times
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Originally Posted by sweethearttx View Post
I think if you DON'T have a list you have an issue. And no, not desperate. If I were desperate I would be in a relationship with one of those men that wants to date me. I'm just a little lonely and a bit freaked out as I approach 30.

The list is fine. Use the power of imagine though. How does great conversation sound? How does getting respected feel? If you can get everything except #2 on your list, maybe buy a guy a treadmill and some braces then.
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Old 02-06-2010, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Dallas, Texas
563 posts, read 967,462 times
Reputation: 393
Quote:
Originally Posted by JSizzle225 View Post
You are just too focused on that, I think.

Back to football.

All you can think about is winning the Super Bowl. And you've identified you need to win games to do that. And you've identified that you need to score touch downs to do that. But right now you aren't converting any third downs to get closer to the end zone.

Somethings wrong. Maybe it's just too broad. If you need to make some sort of flow chart on how you obtain someone with each one of those qualities.
LOL...sorry that just makes me laugh. With your football talk. Thank you for the suggestions, and I do mean that seriously.
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Old 02-06-2010, 08:57 PM
 
10,400 posts, read 6,614,485 times
Reputation: 15384
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweethearttx View Post
I think if you DON'T have a list you have an issue. And no, not desperate. If I were desperate I would be in a relationship with one of those men that wants to date me. I'm just a little lonely and a bit freaked out as I approach 30.
Having a list = limiting yourself. Be my guest!
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Old 02-06-2010, 09:02 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,136 posts, read 2,409,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
Having a list = limiting yourself. Be my guest!
A list that includes wanting respect is "limiting yourself" to guys that will not abuse you, cheat on you, call you a worthless wh*** and steal from you.

If you don't want respect, well I'm sure there are plenty of men and women out there willing to disrespect you as much as you can stand
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Old 02-06-2010, 09:07 PM
 
10,400 posts, read 6,614,485 times
Reputation: 15384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble View Post
A list that includes wanting respect is "limiting yourself" to guys that will not abuse you, cheat on you, call you a worthless wh*** and steal from you.

If you don't want respect, well I'm sure there are plenty of men and women out there willing to disrespect you as much as you can stand
There are givens, and then there are lists. Of course everyone wants to be treated well. That's common sense.

Life is really not this difficult. Seriously.

I'm not trying to be rude to you. I just think it's a little much to freak out over being 30 and single. Maybe you should find some activities to get involved in to take your mind off it - you might meet Mr. List if you do. (whomever that might be aimed at)
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