Caught Husband Looking At Porn on My Computer...? (Asian, family, call)

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by JamesGirl

I didn’t know where else to turn to so I came here. My husbands’ computer is in the shop so he has been suing mine which is no big deal and I have no problem sharing. Yesterday I was out grocery shopping when he got home from watching the first half of the super bowl with a friend, so he called to see when I would be home.

Later that night I was trying to remember a name of a product I had read about and went to my internet history to find the webpage. Before I found the page I was looking for I found a short list of you tube videos with explicit videos. All having a common theme of young or teen and them shaking their butts, some with underwear some with short skirts. I am in SHOCK! We have been married for 5 years and he has never watched videos like this for several of those years. I work him up to ask and at first he acted like he did not know what I was talking about, but then said “I was just looking”. I know he was not just looking and I’m 100% sure he was watching these videos while pleasuring himself.

I’m really hurt and don’t even know what to say to him. We are in our mid to late twenties and these girls were just out of high school. When I pull up the history it shoes what key words he typed in to find the videos on youtube and he always has teen or young as one of the words.

He’s going to be home in a few hours and at this point I don’t even want to see him so I might go out when he gets home. I’m so upset I feel like I could scream and then part of me wants to cry. I feel like our trust has been broken. I was a paranoid young wife when we first got married but I have not spied on him in years, and the one time I'm looking at my web history to find a webpage I looked at earlier that day, I find those videos...

Pretty much every single guy in their 20's has seen porn in their life.
In fact, it's NOT EVEN PORN....it's on YOUTUBE!

Your Trust has been broken? Seriously?

Why do I get the feeling I just stepped into a lost episode of John and Kate plus 8?

[Djuna]

To the OP

Have you considered the possibility your husband liking porn is not a reflection on you at all?

Pleasuring yourself with some visual stimulation isn't wrong, many men and women do it. Most of the time it isn't because they don't love their partner or find them attractive, it's just another physical expression of their own sexuality.

[bobman]

Originally Posted by yankeegirl313

To me,it has to do with a little thing called "respect."
He knows that she doesn`t like it,so why continue to do it?

Yes,masturbation is normal,but clicking on porn sites,etc...is not.

I'm afraid I disagree, looking at porn is acceptable.
I don't really like porn, but it's normal.
I think this is more where the OP's problem lies.
He likes looking at pictures, she doesn't like him looking at pictures.
As I said in the previous posts, she may have to accept this fact.
Perhaps she can deal with it better if it's out in the open, rather than the "sneaking around"

That's why I think they need to talk.
He is doing something natural, and she has a problem with it.
Compromise must be reached, or the end is nigh.

Originally Posted by JamesGirl

He rarely initiates and give lame excuses like he's too tired. And then I find that he's using young girl porn.

Sometimes men can be too tired for sex, but not too tired to masturbate.
Sometimes you don't want sex, you just want an orgasm.
I don't know why, it just happens that way.
many people I know describe the same thing. Male and female.

Originally Posted by JamesGirl

I have to disagree. Porn is "Sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal."

A girl dancing in a thong, doing a strip tease, or shaking her ass for the camera is porn. I would post links to the videos he was watching but I don't think that would be allowed. Seriously, the video he watched over and over was of a girl on her hands and knees with her ass to the camera shaking it so it would be the same view as if he where doing her doggy style. Thats porn to me.

It is porn, but it's soft porn.
Soft porn, you can buy in newsagents. Men's mags, women's mags. many advertisements are technically soft porn.
Soft porn has implied sex, rather than overt.
It's also porn to you. Not to many others.

Originally Posted by sunshineleith

Okay, to me, this DOES put a different perspective on your relationship. It sounds like he has hangups. Most guys would be thrilled if their SO would watch porn with them, dress up/wigs, toys, etc - yet he is not interested?

Possibly, but with many men, porn is "their thing".
It's a kind of escape, to get away from it all, to be free, if you like. It's "me" time.
again, they need to talk this through like responsible adults. Not be all Rita Hayworth about it.

Originally Posted by kaykay

the reason to view it is for sexual stimulation. So close enough.

As a young man, (and sometimes as an older man!!) you can get sexual stimulation from riding on a bus. Will you stop your s/o from going on buses?
Yes, it probably is for sexual stimulation, but, he is in a relationship with her, he is not dead.
Sexual stimulation can come in all forms.
Sex and love are seperate things.
sex and masturbation are seperate things.

If they are having sexual, or relationship problems, they will need to be sorted out. Then this will seem like a storm in a teacup.

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by yankeegirl313

So, it makes it OK for them to go behind their wives back, to get that "not so boring" feeling, or extra charge?

You bring up a good point. Without further information though that's hard to know.

How often do they have sex? Heck my wife and I had mismatched sex drives, I helped myself probably as much as we had sex together when we were married. Then when she was ill I've gone over a year on a few occasions with no sex due to medical issues (and I was in my mid 30's so it's not like I was 70). I was totally watching internet porn at times.

My gf and I now sometimes watch it together. It can be funny and fun.

Frankly, I wish the gal would have gone to her hubby and tried to be positive instead of going off like she'd caught him in bed with a male prostitute and his sister at the same time.

[yankeegirl313]

Your right, bob! They do need to sit down and talk about this! To the OP, good luck!

[solytaire]

Id hate to see how she'd react if James went to a strip club..

[Djuna]

Originally Posted by solytaire

Id hate to see how she'd react if James went to a strip club..

And then got a lap dance

[70Ford]

Originally Posted by Djuna

And then got a lap dance

I am SO requesting a sexy ass dance when I get home. Probably won't get it. Probably would make her giggle. Might get it though. Can't hurt to try.

I bet I get it. Or something just as cool.

[Huckleberry3911948]

of a truth, of all the women i have known who have complained about infidelity internet and beyond, i trust and love my 1st cousins more than any women i have known, and i can tell you they confided, they cut him off years b4 he cheated.
most interesting in the OP the typo "suing mine" instead of using my computer. things to come soon.

[MontanaGuy]

Djuna wrote:

And then got a lap dance

I had a lap dance once in Las Vegas but the girl accidentally knocked off my glasses with two objects that were flapping against my face but I digress...