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Old 02-09-2010, 08:03 AM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,702,489 times
Reputation: 20394

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
So you're micro-managing his rate of masturbation and who he can think about while doing it...wow, poor bastard. Let me put this as delicately as possible...you are extremely uptight! Borderline insane. I imagine you at your computer, composing flow charts and graphs, complete with mathematical formula's and equations. Or perhaps a detailed journal..."Day 1, hasn't beat off all day, but I suspect he fantasized about a tight 19 year old with an ass like a ripe peach...f***er!" "Day 2, He rubbed one off today, and I suspect it was that b i t c h with the tight ass he was thinking about, just wait 'till he gets home today!" "Day 3, caught him watching old Brady Bunch reruns again, I think he has a crush on Marsha...that b i t c h!"
Oh man, that was just an hilarious reply.

 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:16 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,575,229 times
Reputation: 42767
A lot has been said so far, so I'm just going to summarize what I have to say.

1. Masturbation is normal. Lots and lots of people do it. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as it doesn't interfere with a regular sex life. Insisting that your husband stop masturbating is a foolish, controlling thing to do. If he wants to stop, he will. If he thinks you will freak out and scream at him and lock him out of the bedroom, he will lie to you and sneak around.

2. I saw that he doesn't like to have sex with you lately. Maybe it's the porn, maybe not. I can name a bunch of reasons off the top of my head why he might not be interested in sex right now. Casting him out of his own bed is not going to solve this problem. It will make it worse.

3. If you cannot unwind and realize that you two are a TEAM, that you should treat him as your PARTNER and FRIEND, you are going to ruin your marriage. Do you want that?
 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:17 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,148,679 times
Reputation: 2119
First off, I don't know a single married dude in his 20's that does NOT watch porn and jerk off to it when his wife isn't around. I don't know if it's just something we have been used to doing since we are products of the internet age, or if we just like to see porn once in a while. I'm not married so I can't speculate from experience, I have no idea what sex life is after marriage.

Are you puting out enough? Do you make effort to spice things up a bit? Do you ever initiate sex?

I remember when I did date a girl for over a year and thought we were potentially going to get married, I would feel guilty being the one to always initiate sex, so on days that I didn't want to feel like a jerk, I'd just go to the computer....
 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:22 AM
 
3,059 posts, read 8,254,788 times
Reputation: 3281
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post

Are you puting out enough? Do you make effort to spice things up a bit? Do you ever initiate sex?
She already answered these questions.
 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:24 AM
 
530 posts, read 778,330 times
Reputation: 432
I read what you wrote about watching porn with him and the wigs and such and that he did not like it so I asked my hubby about that. His response: "it depends on how she approached these things. Did she sit down to watch with him and then give him the you are so gross is that what you want from me attitude? To the wigs and toys part did she get into it or have an attitude acting all pi**ed off going does this turn you on, is this what you need to get off?" Made me curious so I thought I would put it out there to see if this was the case.

Last edited by moonlitwishes; 02-09-2010 at 08:25 AM.. Reason: spelling..grr
 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Amarillo, Tx
622 posts, read 1,276,981 times
Reputation: 694
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
Ummm...there are exceptions! When I'm at the beach I see more than a fair share of teens with muffin tops and flab floppin' in the breeze!

Oh thats true. But the women that are 30-40 with muffin tops are about 4 to 1. On average younger women are hotter than older women. Fact
 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:29 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 8,307,918 times
Reputation: 12283
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesGirl View Post
Alright, where to even start... After his nape he wanted to "explain". He said he has not looked at anything like that in 4 years and does not understand why it’s a big deal since he was just looking and not jerking off. I obviously think he is lying. I started to cry my eyes out and do what I always do when I can’t handle a situation and that’s clean like crazy, and he followed me around the house and talked a bunch of crap. Then he tells me that looking at porn is a problem he had before we got married and that he has prayed he could stop and had refrained from doing it for the last 4 years. Then he played victim and asked me to help him with his "addiction." Not sure how it’s an addiction since he claims to have not watched anything like that for 4 years. I got tired of the bull **** and was just getting more upset and feeling more hurt. I brought up that we hardly ever have sex and he tried to blame it on me saying that he wants it but I never want it when he does. He also admired to jerking off 3 times in the last 2 months which really means its 3 x some number. So he's actually jerking off more often then we are having sex. I think we have done it maybe 3 or 4 times since new years. He says he does it while I'm sleeping or working out. I don’t get it. I'm just so hurt and upset right now. He's sleeping in the guest room tonight and more then likely the next few nights. I don't even want him to touch me. Oh and he said he has no problem if I want to look at porn, yeah... right.... Oh and he says he only thinks of me when he masturbates, bull **** again. It's late so I'm going to try and get some sleep.

Ok Jamesgirl, you need to stop being so judgemental of him. From this post, your husband has been hiding this from you for good reason. You make him feel bad and judging him instead of talking it out. I am afraid if you don't start acting like you love this man you have been married to for 5 years and are willing to listen to him, he will be hiding much more from you in the future.

Alot of divorces have started out this way.....just sayin'.
 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:30 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,575,229 times
Reputation: 42767
OP, I went back and read some more. I see that your husband has gained weight and doesn't shower every day. Maybe he doesn't want to have sex because he doesn't feel sexy. Maybe he is depressed. If you can stop treating him like a bad dog, maybe you can help him with that.
 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,168 posts, read 20,719,857 times
Reputation: 19858
You also mentioned he is in Iraq...any chance his experience over there has affected his sex drive? Something to consider.
 
Old 02-09-2010, 08:35 AM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 17,341,596 times
Reputation: 8075
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesGirl View Post
But why would he NEED it?

I want sex more then he does. He's a once a week kinda guy and thats hardly enough for me, but I deal with it. So its not like he's going without. I've always had a higher sex drive then him.
Hmmm...you know, just like most of us here, initially my reaction was: "oh please, men watch porn, big deal...", but this paragraph made me pause. Here you think that you have higher sex drive than him and you want sex more than he does, in the meantime, he pleasures himself with porn I/OFF screwing you.
It would bother me as well. Some men are so sexual and visual that they need additional visual stimulation to already fulfilling sex life. Some men need it because the wives don't give it up as much. It would concern me as well if I wanted sex more then my husband, just to find him pleasuring himself with porn.
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