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Old 02-12-2010, 01:40 AM
 
159 posts, read 167,022 times
Reputation: 231
JamesGirl, if you are so upset because your husband was watching some video of CLOTHED booty shaking, then I'd say you definitely need to seek some counseling. It always amazes me that women think they are so perceptive about men, but they almost always fail to realize and accept that:

1. ALL straight men look at other women. No exceptions. I read a British study recently that said that men spend an average of almost an hour every day ogling other women.
2. ALL men masturbate. Few exceptions.
3. ALL men think about sex constantly. Few exceptions.

And, BTW, clothed women do not equate to "porn".

Sounds like you're still a "paranoid young wife". Get over it. Men are just sexually wired the way they are. Doesn't make them evil.

 
Old 02-12-2010, 03:30 AM
 
11,362 posts, read 17,209,234 times
Reputation: 5208
I don't think of sex while I'm watching football.

And yes, 99.9% of men masturbate. The rest are missing arms/hands.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
In my opinion, there is something really wrong with someone who has a sexual partner willing to have sex with them but prefers to pleasure himself...
Maybe she's a boring lay. There, I said it.

Yes, there's such a thing as bad sex from a guy's point of view, or at least from mine. If I wanted to slide down a frigid tunnel I'd go join the Olympic luge team.
 
Old 02-12-2010, 03:44 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,574 posts, read 3,924,256 times
Reputation: 6094
Actually, to be fair to the OP, I jumped to the same conclusion as many others, based on her initial posts.

As more information has been revealed, while I still think she overreacted hugely, at least now we can understand some of the reasons why.

This doesn't change the advice I gave, that they need to talk to each other, and communicate effectively, otherwise their relationship is heading for disaster.

I guess what this is, is some kind of apology to the OP for being overly condemning.
However, if you'd told us much of this information in the start, you may have had much more sympathy from posters.
Not a failure, just a lack of information.

We cannot make an informed comment, unless we are informed.
 
Old 02-12-2010, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Rocky Mountains
5,950 posts, read 4,453,443 times
Reputation: 5853
Wow, I actually read all 29 pages. Slow day at work!

OP, don't take it personal that he is looking at those videos. Men look at women. We are very visual. You could be the hottest woman around, giving him all the sex he wants, and he'd still look at other women. We cannot help it.

We think about sex a lot. As in literally every few minutes. When we see a good looking chick, whether in person or on a screen, we have undressed them, seen them naked, and banged 'em in every position imaginable within seconds. All in our mind of course. And within a split second we do the same to her hot friend next to her. This happens without willing it; it's almost like an instinct. Our brains automatically react to the stimulii.

As a consequence, we crave variety. Variety in looks, sex acts, positions and women. It's an inate urge. Sure, most of us don't react to that urge in reality, but our mind still seeks it out. Our hot chick/sex radar is always active. And we cannot turn it off. Porn simply allows that urge to be met. It is nothing personal. It does not mean he wants to cheat or wants to leave you. It just means he is a normal man. It may not seem right, or fit within some women's narrow expectations, but it still is what it is. We didn't choose to be this way, we just are this way.

And don't sweat the age thing regarding what he looks at. When I was 18-22, I thought that women in that age group were the hottest. Guess what, in my mid thirties, I still think that age group is the hottest. My friends also agree they are the hottest. My 64 year old coworker thinks they are the hottest. I guess that makes us dirty old men, but nearly every man is a dirty old man. Your fathers, uncles, grandpas are likely dirty old men. How could we not be attracted to young, healthy, unblemished, un sun-damaged, flexible, energetic women? Our visual sex drive has found nirvana in such. That's not to say older are not attractive. Of course they are. It does not mean he is twisted, or finds you ugly. If they are of legal age, he's quite normal.

You do have reason to have trust issues based on his past lies. I can see why you are worried about him hiding what he does. But, based on this specific issue, of him looking at porn behind your back and then beating 'it' like it owes him money, just relax. He probably knew you would be upset, and thus hid it (although not well, seriously who doesn't know how to cover their tracks these days?). Now that you know he does it, don't be upset with him for it. Don't make him feel guilty or give him reason to get sneakier. It's out in the open, it is what it is. This is not as tragic as you are making it, and overeacting will make things worse and just push him further away.
 
Old 02-12-2010, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Amarillo, Tx
622 posts, read 695,717 times
Reputation: 650
Quote:
Originally Posted by 11thHour View Post
Wow, I actually read all 29 pages. Slow day at work!

OP, don't take it personal that he is looking at those videos. Men look at women. We are very visual. You could be the hottest woman around, giving him all the sex he wants, and he'd still look at other women. We cannot help it.

We think about sex a lot. As in literally every few minutes. When we see a good looking chick, whether in person or on a screen, we have undressed them, seen them naked, and banged 'em in every position imaginable within seconds. All in our mind of course. And within a split second we do the same to her hot friend next to her. This happens without willing it; it's almost like an instinct. Our brains automatically react to the stimulii.

As a consequence, we crave variety. Variety in looks, sex acts, positions and women. It's an inate urge. Sure, most of us don't react to that urge in reality, but our mind still seeks it out. Our hot chick/sex radar is always active. And we cannot turn it off. Porn simply allows that urge to be met. It is nothing personal. It does not mean he wants to cheat or wants to leave you. It just means he is a normal man. It may not seem right, or fit within some women's narrow expectations, but it still is what it is. We didn't choose to be this way, we just are this way.

And don't sweat the age thing regarding what he looks at. When I was 18-22, I thought that women in that age group were the hottest. Guess what, in my mid thirties, I still think that age group is the hottest. My friends also agree they are the hottest. My 64 year old coworker thinks they are the hottest. I guess that makes us dirty old men, but nearly every man is a dirty old man. Your fathers, uncles, grandpas are likely dirty old men. How could we not be attracted to young, healthy, unblemished, un sun-damaged, flexible, energetic women? Our visual sex drive has found nirvana in such. That's not to say older are not attractive. Of course they are. It does not mean he is twisted, or finds you ugly. If they are of legal age, he's quite normal.

You do have reason to have trust issues based on his past lies. I can see why you are worried about him hiding what he does. But, based on this specific issue, of him looking at porn behind your back and then beating 'it' like it owes him money, just relax. He probably knew you would be upset, and thus hid it (although not well, seriously who doesn't know how to cover their tracks these days?). Now that you know he does it, don't be upset with him for it. Don't make him feel guilty or give him reason to get sneakier. It's out in the open, it is what it is. This is not as tragic as you are making it, and overeacting will make things worse and just push him further away.

Ok thats the best post on here and the best description of a mans mind. BRAVO!!! All true.

If I were married to a nymphomaniac Jessica Alba clone Id still look at chicks especially young hot ones and everyonce in awhile Im gonna fire up the laptop and take him out and toss him around a lil. Just reality.
 
Old 02-12-2010, 12:39 PM
Status: "Extra blanket?? It's Fall!" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
4,965 posts, read 3,628,651 times
Reputation: 4832
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snort View Post
Oh, come on! Admit it. You're just not into the "religious type". This guy's a real hunk!
LOL...I've seen this guy "in action". He's a fat and ugly sleaze bag. The women he was with weren't so 'hot' either. Lucky for them nobody really cares what they look like...just what they are DOING to each other!

Oh wait...maybe that's not Ron Jeremy. Is it?? If not he sure looks like him!

Last edited by AZDesertBrat; 02-12-2010 at 12:41 PM.. Reason: ask a question...
 
Old 02-12-2010, 12:54 PM
 
12,609 posts, read 8,065,690 times
Reputation: 4699
Quote:
Originally Posted by BriInNH View Post
umm
your problem likely is not that a man is looking at porn, or young women in skimpy clothes.
your problem would be if a man IS NOT looking at porn, or young women in skimpy clothes.

nite_ryder makes some good points.

Let's put it this way - if a woman were to watch a soap opera or some type of program, show, etc with some "hot guy", get turned on and then masturbate, should the hustband be infuriated with this?

Personally I would be more apt to be turned on if I caught her, and she would get some.
Isn't that one that on the list of things to do before a man dies? One time at the office I walked into a woman's cubical unannounced, you know, just hoping. She was blushing a little and holding something behind her back. It was just a pez candy dispenser.
 
Old 02-12-2010, 04:39 PM
 
Location: MTL/Toronto, Canada
85 posts, read 122,317 times
Reputation: 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
Mental note to self: Make sure next man I am with prefers sex with ME then with his right hand...
Many of men who are mostly right-handed still keep a hand on the mouse.
 
Old 02-12-2010, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
3,983 posts, read 3,012,468 times
Reputation: 5303
Default Caught husband...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsRiss7383 View Post
And yes 18 year olds are still basically still girls and not all men want to look at them

From you user name I assume you are a female. So what makes you think you know what all men want to look at? I say that is wishful thinking on your part... After reading some of your other posts, hopefully not many people agree with your line of thinking. Looking at another woman (another woman's body) is cheating? What planet did you come from?
 
Old 02-12-2010, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
3,983 posts, read 3,012,468 times
Reputation: 5303
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesGirl View Post
Thank you seeniorita, I might just go out for a few hours when he gets home. I keep going back in forth between tears and extreme anger. Maybe I should stay with a friend till I can collect myself.
I read your posts and shake my head. If you don't ruin your marriage before this is all over, it will be a miracle. Stay with a friend until you collect yourself? Are you sure you are worth bothering with. One thing about all of these posts, that you and some of the other women have posted, you all make me realize how lucky I am to have a wife that is grown up and has good common sense. You are not going to change how a male thinks and reacts to certain things, and if you keep trying you will just cause problems. You stated in one of your posts that you woke your husband up to talk to him. If that would have been me, I would have gotten dressed and left, I would have gone someplace else to spend the night and have piece and quiet. I read comments from some of the women on this forum, and realize you think you know how men think, but in reality you really don't. You assume you know what makes a man tick, many times you are way off base. No wonder there is so much divorce in this country. Sorry to get off the subject, I just can't understand why you women think like you do. Please realize if nothing else, you don't own your man. He isn't your dog, he's your husband. If you treat him like your dog, he's eventually going to leave. Thirty one years ago I went through a divorce. My exwife didn't really want a divorce, she just wanted to control me and let me know who the boss was. I reached a point where I wouldn't have come back home, no matter what she would have done.
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