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This IS lengthy, but I need to vent so I can get my head a bit more straight.
I have not been posting here lately as much because I have been mostly been in my cave hiding - frustrated and confused. I was sad before - now I am just pretty mad.
Here it is just under 4 weeks away from our wedding date.
Situation:
Thursday he leaves for a convention to Vegas that lasts until Sunday evening. No biggie - have known about it for weeks. V-Tines Day would be spent apart.
The morning of V-Tines, my friends call me excited about how their boyfriends and husbands did this for them to make V-Tines special, etc. Having been missing him, it pulled on my heart strings a little bit.
Fiance then calls me. We talk a few minutes. His spirits were really good. he even asked me if I wanted to take the next flight to Vegas and get married that evening. I declined - our kids want to be there. He was cool with that [see, every week he CONSTANTLY tries to get me to marry him earlier and I do not understand WHY??? All he says is he is eager to begin our life together. So my sticking to March is NOTHING new]
OK---I tried to hide the slight "low" in my voice and forced a more bubbly me as best that I can, that failed, evidently - he asked what was wrong. I said, "Just miss you. Friends called with their happy V-Tines Day events with their SO's - you know how it goes - and I'm just pulling my chin up. Your call couldn't have called me at a better time, thank you."
He caught me totally off guard, raised his voice angrily, and said, "WELL EXCUSE ME, I DIDN'T SEND YOU FLOWERS OR ANYTHING!!! WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FROM 3000 MILES AWAY!!! HUH!!! WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FROM 3000 MILES AWAY!!!"
*CLICK* - He then hung up on me.
I sat for 15 minutes like this-------->
Nothing was about flowers or any delivery. We both knew that V-Tines Day would ping being apart. Pretty normal for couples apart. At that point, for all I knew, flowers could have been on the way. He's always sending me flowers and stuff. So his comment of "WTF, 3000 miles.." blew me AWAY. I have NO idea what that crap was about.
I did not call him back. Why would I? - I do not call back people who scream at me and hang up on me. 2 hours later, the doorbell rings. Flower delivery - to add insult to injury - not from my Fiance - flowers were from MY EX BOYFRIEND who just sent a note w/ it saying, "Have a great Valentines!"
I called my ex-boyfriend to thank him. He said that he was thinking about me early Sunday afternoon and ordered them for me and was happy I received them and liked them. Nothing more, nothing less - and we hung up.
It's 5AM on Tuesday morning and he and I still have not called each other. It feels like a stand-off.
My friends feel that he treats me like a possession, like property. In the past month, he's been yelling at me more out of the blue. VERY unlike the normal him.
After what happened Sunday - and his not coming back to me to at least apologize, explain - JUST SOMETHING ---I do not want to get married in March. His yelling at me more so recently over the most stupid stuff really has my red flags up at full mast. His yelling at me as he has started to and did on Sunday is NOT OK. I will not allow someone to continue to treat me like that, lest marry him. I'm not freaking desperate or insane. Hell, if this is a PREVIEW of what's to come. . .
Why in the hell would I want to marry someone that would do that to me on V-Tines Day - a month before the wedding - and STILL no call and we are on Tuesday now? Forget it - I won't marry anyone that will disrespect me like that and will not communicate w/ me. The closer it gets - the LESS he puts into this relationship! I feel taken for granted! Which I do NOT get since he is trying to drag me to the alter faster every other day. Why is he trying to pull me into a marriage more quickly. . .is all I can think now. There HAS to be an ulterior motive based on his behaviors lately.
My friends, male and female both tell me to run and to run away FAST. They used to really like him, but again, with the way he's been treating me lately the closer it gets to the wedding - and his increasing his attempts to marry me much sooner.
I'm not going to vote in your poll. Its your decision, and you need to make it. The opinions of people on an internet forum, who don't know you, or him, shouldn't be important to you.
I will say this, I wouldn't get married, if I had second thoughts. The only way I'd get married, is if I had 100% faith in the person I was marrying.
What it sounds like to me happened, is that he probably had a romantic marriage weekend planned in Vegas. He probably didn't send flowers, because he had something planned there. When you turned him down, he got upset, but was going to let it go. Then, when you got upset about Vday and being apart, and not getting anything, he lost it.
Should he have gotten upset, probably not. But it happens, and we men do that when we get upset sometimes. You can either accept it and move on, or drop him like a bad habit. My advice would be not to get married, until you can talk things out. Perhaps postpone the wedding for a while.
Cancel the wedding. Well...just postpone it. For a long time. There's no reason to rush into anything. Nobody's dieing. If he doesn't agree, too bad. He should of known better than to yell at you like that on such an important day, of all days. And then he didn't even apologize.
This Valentine's Day, I didn't have a boyfriend to give me any presents, but I didn't feel bad. I would of felt bad if I had had a boyfriend, and he didn't show me he cared on such an important day. I mean, if a guy can't buy you a freaking box of chocolates, at the least to show you he cares, then there is something seriously wrong with that relationship. So I would dump a guy, simply for not getting me anything on Valentines. Yes, I demand something. It doesn't cost that much. There is no excuse. Even from 3000 miles away. JMHO.
Dear friend ..i've gone to the same phrase as u .. i yelled at her and she broke off .. but get it this way .. it takes years to build solid trust ..but a second to break it off ! .. now your man in question is either nervous confused or simply thinking too much about the future ..however instead of cutting the strings ..be nice and easy to him ..ofcourse no one would ever like to be treated like a dirt ..but remember his good qualities and remember what good things he told u and did for u .. do hell with the v-tines day ..romance in life should be forever not just 1 day for crying out loud ..as a man ..i've done a lot to keep my ex happy in every possible ways .. but she was always hard on me ..not everyday is sunday honey .. somedays its just not your day .. but u dont have to nag every issue per se .. think about it ..leave your mind relaxed ..just be soft and cool ..things will be alright ..try to make it work ..if all things fail ..then make a decision and dont ever regret it ..god bless u dear
I think everyone is missing the point that he yelled at her out of the blue. I mean, its bad enough that he can't control his temper, but to suddenly start yelling at someone just because she said she was feeling down. That's just not clever or nice.
It could just be pre-wedding nerves, but it could be something different.
You could have been tetchy because you missed him, and were a little down, he could have been tetchy because he had a plan in his head about what would happen than weekend, and it didn't.
But, it could be a sign of something else.
Your ex has only confused it further.
A word of warning, ex's and new marriages don't mix.
What it sounds like to me happened, is that he probably had a romantic marriage weekend planned in Vegas. He probably didn't send flowers, because he had something planned there. When you turned him down, he got upset, but was going to let it go. Then, when you got upset about Vday and being apart, and not getting anything, he lost it.
Should he have gotten upset, probably not. But it happens, and we men do that when we get upset sometimes. You can either accept it and move on, or drop him like a bad habit. My advice would be not to get married, until you can talk things out. Perhaps postpone the wedding for a while.
Nah, he didn't have anything romantic planned on Sunday. He had two more appointments to go that day and a plane to catch back to Reno right after that. He also knows I cannot leave to the airport on 2 hours notice [I'm in FL - he lives in Reno]. Like I said, he is constantly putting pressure on me to marry "tonight," "tomorrow," "this weekend coming." Suspiciously so now.
Since it was early in the day, I did not mention ANYTHING not being sent - I had no idea if something was on the way until he blurted it. Just hearing about how my friends got breakfast in bed, the house cleaned by their hubby and doing a romantic dinner was enough to make me feel on the low-blah being apart from him.
And many of these people know me pretty good after almost 3 years. I trust quite a few of their opinions. They've help steer me right, many-a-times.
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001
Cancel the wedding. Well...just postpone it. For a long time. There's no reason to rush into anything. Nobody's dieing. If he doesn't agree, too bad. He should of known better than to yell at you like that on such an important day, of all days. And then he didn't even apologize.
This Valentine's Day, I didn't have a boyfriend to give me any presents, but I didn't feel bad. I would of felt bad if I had had a boyfriend, and he didn't show me he cared on such an important day. I mean, if a guy can't buy you a freaking box of chocolates, at the least to show you he cares, then there is something seriously wrong with that relationship. So I would dump a guy, simply for not getting me anything on Valentines. Yes, I demand something. It doesn't cost that much. There is no excuse. Even from 3000 miles away. JMHO.
See, yeah. . my train of thought is. . why would you skip the V-Tines Day a MONTH before the wedding. .. ESPECIALLY. . . when no other time has been skipped. If I were a guy, I would make SURE "that" V-Tines day was covered. My male friends do not disagree w/ this, in order to stay out of the dog house. And then to get enraged at ME for it? He knows how corny I am and how little things like Hallmark holidays matter to me. I am a sentimentalist. The symbolism matters to me. . . especially 4 weeks before.
His 3000 mile thing was BS. . it's exactly how he's sent all the other flowers, etc.
I think everyone is missing the point that he yelled at her out of the blue. I mean, its bad enough that he can't control his temper, but to suddenly start yelling at someone just because she said she was feeling down. That's just not clever or nice.
Everyone is missing the point.
What this is NOT . . cold feet. It is NOT cold feet.
I'm not going to vote either.
It could just be pre-wedding nerves, but it could be something different.
You could have been tetchy because you missed him, and were a little down, he could have been tetchy because he had a plan in his head about what would happen than weekend, and it didn't.
But, it could be a sign of something else.
Your ex has only confused it further.
A word of warning, ex's and new marriages don't mix.
My point about the ex is that my ex thought enough of me whilst my Fiance did not - and I have not even talked to my ex since November. There are no ex's in the picture. I'm polite and called to quickly say thank you.
He had no romantic plans. We talked at about 1:00'ish PM and he had two more appointments to go before he left to get on his plane back to Reno. In addition, he knew that this morning, I was to hold an employee meeting for my company.
It could just be pre-wedding nerves, but it could be something different.
You could have been tetchy because you missed him, and were a little down, he could have been tetchy because he had a plan in his head about what would happen than weekend, and it didn't.
But, it could be a sign of something else.
Your ex has only confused it further.
A word of warning, ex's and new marriages don't mix.
Mr. Bobman makes some good points.
I was wondering if, perhaps, you might have sounded put out about him being gone and not realized it, which could have put him on the defensive. Then when you said no to coming to Vegas (where you did not necessarily have to get married), he might have had a, "Well WTF do you want from me?" leading to an explosion. I sometimes think I am hiding my feelings well, but the people who know me can see right through me and no matter how I try my feelings "leak" out without me knowing it or wanting it. This might have happened to you as well.
Now the explosion and mutual silent treatment before the wedding and the ex still thinking it is ok to give you flowers, well, those are a whole separate set of issues
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For a long time. There's no reason to rush into anything. Nobody's dieing. If he doesn't agree, too bad. He should of known better than to yell at you like that on such an important day, of all days.
And then he didn't even apologize.
..god bless u dear
