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Lordy, there really is a bunch of miserable and bitter people on this forum who simply cannot for the life of them understand how someone could possibly be friends with an ex for such a variety of reasons and further denigrate the few who know otherwise by alleging that someone would only keep an ex on the back burner for future retrieval and must have a desire to eventually get back together with them. It seems that, according to most, the only way one can possibly remain friends with an ex is if you have children/school/friends in common. Balderdash.
I'm not alone in being friends with two of my ex-partners as I know several others who fit the bill and none of us fit into the negative categories so blithely tossed around here. One of mine is an ex-fiance who I was with for three years or so. Our relationship didn't work out but, once the initial angst wore off, we remained friends and stay so to this day. He's now happily married to a lovely lady who I had the absolute pleasure of meeting (he has VERY good taste!) and although many miles away now I'm still in touch with him and love hearing from him.
The other is someone I was with for six plus years and, again, after the initial angst over the eventual breakup was over, we remained and remain good friends. I might add that while we were together I went to the mainland and met his ex-wife (remarried) with whom he has an excellent relationship and there was no discomfort whatsoever. I was a little nervous at the time but she put me right at ease and thus I look forward now to meeting HIS new love in a month or so. The relationship sounds pretty serious and I hope all the best for him.
Of course I understand that some breakups are incredibly painful and that there is of course a majority which never, ever, wants to have anything to do with that ex. But leave us not tar everyone with the same brush.
The OP is only recently divorced and jumped into a new relationship which had problems from the start because (and it's not unusual at all) didn't give herself a chance to heal. She hasn't yet discovered herself and is suspicious, untrusting and very insecure. That's really what should be rationally addressed here rather than the consistent slamming of people who remain friends with their exes. Cheers!
Oh man, I can see someone I am dating having this problem at some point with my contact with my ex- husband. He was the one who wanted a divorce. I was hurt, got over it, and we were on "friendly but not friends" terms for about 1.5 years. In that time I started seeing someone, but since the contact between me and the ex was mostly, "Can I take the dogs for a walk today?", "Sure, stop by." my BF had no issues. In the past month, my BF and I split up because I am moving back to the US. My ex learned this somehow and said, "I know things can never be the same again, but I really want to be more of a part of your life, as much as you will let me. I didn't want to say anything when you were in a relationship, but now...".
I really do like him as a person and he is a great friend, but I can see this being an issue if I get into another relationship. Especially since I know he would like to get back together with me. I know I don't want to get back together with him, but knowing how he feels would make it impossible for me to tell any future partner we are just friends. However, I also don't want to cut all contact since he (aside from ending our marriage) has always been good to me and I do care what happens to him. Hopefully the fact that the ex will be in Afghanistan for the next 2 years will be a mitigating factor if I meet someone in that time.
That's really what should be rationally addressed here rather than the consistent slamming of people who remain friends with their exes. Cheers!
Awwwww....Wouldn`t life be grand, if we all could except the fact that our BF`s remain to have contact with their ex`s, like you do!
Every situation, and relationship, is diffrent. Its never the same story as yours, or mine, or the OPs. Even though this maybe a "rebound" relationship for her, this is still no excuse for him to contact his exes, when he knows that it upsets her.
She has started yet, so many threads about this guy, that she is obviously concerned about where she stands in her relationship with this guy.
I do believe the title of this thread was....talking to an exgirlfriend.
That may very well be...why everyone is discussing people who remain friends with their exes.
A habit and a former lover are two different things. Who cares about saving face with an ex?--their gone, there's no face---unless he's trying to save more than face. Being reasonable is not being jealous. Try giving lover boy a taste of his own medicine and watch the double standard kick in.
Awwwww....Wouldn`t life be grand, if we all could except the fact that our BF`s remain to have contact with their ex`s, like you do!
Every situation, and relationship, is diffrent. Its never the same story as yours, or mine, or the OPs. Even though this maybe a "rebound" relationship for her, this is still no excuse for him to contact his exes, when he knows that it upsets her.
She has started yet, so many threads about this guy, that she is obviously concerned about where she stands in her relationship with this guy.
I do believe the title of this thread was....talking to an exgirlfriend.
That may very well be...why everyone is discussing people who remain friends with their exes.
Of course every relationship with an "ex" is different and I've never disputed that. I've merely posited a very real scenario where exes are concerned which seems to be anathema to many contributors' comments.
The OP is on a rebound from a recent divorce, has leaped into a new relationship when she hasn't even sorted out herself. She's very insecure. I'm not knocking her, having been there and done that. I both empathize and understand.
With all due respect, I'd boot him in a heartbeat, develop some serious self esteem by whatever means available and get on with a life that's all about YOU and is independent of a man in the life.
why do men feel the need to do this? Isn't it hurtful to the relationship they are currently in if if offends thier partner? what is the motive behind it?
I think it depends on a number of things. If the previous relationship ended amicably, then they may still be friends. It could be that he still loves her, and wants her back, or out of spite, you name it it could be for a number of reasons.
Whilst the gf may feel threatened or jealous at this, it depends on the reason why the bf is speaking with his ex. Trust is an important facet in all relationships, whether platonic or romantic.
why do men feel the need to do this? Isn't it hurtful to the relationship they are currently in if if offends thier partner? what is the motive behind it?
And there are women who still talk to their ex-boyfriends. So what? If there is no hanky panky going on, then they should be allowed to have any friends they want.
Otherwise, if my boyfriend asked me to stop talking to an ex and the friendship was purely innocent and it was also a good friendship, there is no way I would give up that friendship or any of my friends just to make my current boyfriend happy. He'd better get over that unreasonable jealousy or get out of my life. I've always had close guy friends, and that's never going to change. It's who I am. So either love all of me, or take a hike.
If maddog1 is a jealous and possessive sort of woman, then she should NOT be dating any man that has a lot of girl pals or who stays in touch with his exes.
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Talking to the ex.
