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Old 02-18-2010, 08:25 AM
 
Location: texas
86 posts, read 82,380 times
Reputation: 90

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I am jealous and controlling and my wife is tired of it. She left me a couple of weeks ago and I have started counseling for my problem, things are going very well for me I just don't want to be this way anymore. it is frustrating I cant seem to stop myself when I get jealous, the interrogating and suspicion I hate it. My beutiful wife has never done anything to me and all i have done is pushed her away! my counselor says that i am insecure and the reason i am jealous is because of the fear that someone better thatn me is going to sweep her off her feet. I dont believe that i am good enough. that is so true, i don't I always feel that i have to prove myself to her and when I feel threatened i start up with the interrogations! it has become a darn broken record. My wife is great i know she love me but i need to change if there is any chance for my marriage. we have been together for many years now and i have been doing the same destructive behavior for a long time I am tired, and i know that she is also.
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:31 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 24,583,538 times
Reputation: 14500
i have an acquaintance like you. this is an above-average looking guy with a working class salary. he married this girl young, when she was a teenager. now she is gorgeous and increasingly independent, and he acts like a controlling lunatic because he is scared that she will find someone better, wealthier, or more socially adept.

i think if he had good sense, he'd just enjoy the relationship he has, and accept the fact that she could've left him months or years ago, and didn't.

i don't really know how to convince someone to value themselves more. best of luck to you all the same.
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:33 AM
 
794 posts, read 1,553,326 times
Reputation: 353
It's good that you recognize that YOU are the one who needs to make some big changes. That's a start. Make sure your wife knows that you're in counseling and REALLY work to make the changes. A lot of people feel insecure...it's human nature, but if you let those thoughts get the best of you, they will eat you alive. Remember, no one wants a prison warden for a husband. I wish you and your wife the best...
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,412 posts, read 6,239,379 times
Reputation: 3041
Seems straightforward to me: any time you have the urge to act in a jealous or controlling way -- i.e. you want to ask some invasive question, reel off some smart aleck remark, or otherwise do something that is out of bounds -- just remember your post in this forum...and immediately shut your mouth.

The question is whether you really and truly want to change. If you truly do, then all you have to do is remember to not act like an a$$.
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:52 AM
 
8,680 posts, read 12,592,390 times
Reputation: 15204
Hey, that you're getting help is awesome!

Not much more that I can add to that, because help from a pro trumps all.

Rock on with your smart self.
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 24,196,446 times
Reputation: 11309
Is this LEVOW
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:58 AM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
850 posts, read 1,319,031 times
Reputation: 704
Quote:
Originally Posted by hope1er View Post
I am jealous and controlling and my wife is tired of it. She left me a couple of weeks ago and I have started counseling for my problem, things are going very well for me I just don't want to be this way anymore. it is frustrating I cant seem to stop myself when I get jealous, the interrogating and suspicion I hate it. My beutiful wife has never done anything to me and all i have done is pushed her away! my counselor says that i am insecure and the reason i am jealous is because of the fear that someone better thatn me is going to sweep her off her feet. I dont believe that i am good enough. that is so true, i don't I always feel that i have to prove myself to her and when I feel threatened i start up with the interrogations! it has become a darn broken record. My wife is great i know she love me but i need to change if there is any chance for my marriage. we have been together for many years now and i have been doing the same destructive behavior for a long time I am tired, and i know that she is also.

Ok, so you know the problem...what are you prepared to do to change it? If you don't change what your doing now, kiss your marriage good bye. You already know the answer, just do it....cuz if I was your wife, I would have axed your a-- a long time ago.
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Old 02-18-2010, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
7,947 posts, read 12,367,345 times
Reputation: 10078
Quote:
Originally Posted by hope1er View Post
my counselor says that i am insecure and the reason i am jealous is because of the fear that someone better thatn me is going to sweep her off her feet. I dont believe that i am good enough. that is so true, i don't I always feel that i have to prove myself to her and when I feel threatened i start up with the interrogations!
Which is why the solution is to work on your self esteem. Strive to reach the point where you are happy with yourself as an individual and most likely you'll find the jealousy goes away without even having to work on it.
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Old 02-18-2010, 10:53 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 5,171,382 times
Reputation: 2097
Quote:
Originally Posted by hope1er View Post
I am jealous and controlling and my wife is tired of it. She left me a couple of weeks ago and I have started counseling for my problem, things are going very well for me I just don't want to be this way anymore. it is frustrating I cant seem to stop myself when I get jealous, the interrogating and suspicion I hate it. My beutiful wife has never done anything to me and all i have done is pushed her away! my counselor says that i am insecure and the reason i am jealous is because of the fear that someone better thatn me is going to sweep her off her feet. I dont believe that i am good enough. that is so true, i don't I always feel that i have to prove myself to her and when I feel threatened i start up with the interrogations! it has become a darn broken record. My wife is great i know she love me but i need to change if there is any chance for my marriage. we have been together for many years now and i have been doing the same destructive behavior for a long time I am tired, and i know that she is also.
Is this just a rant or are you asking a question?
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Old 02-18-2010, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Austin, Texas
2,756 posts, read 5,177,842 times
Reputation: 4592
Quote:
Originally Posted by hope1er View Post
I am jealous and controlling and my wife is tired of it. She left me a couple of weeks ago and I have started counseling for my problem, things are going very well for me I just don't want to be this way anymore. it is frustrating I cant seem to stop myself when I get jealous, the interrogating and suspicion I hate it. My beutiful wife has never done anything to me and all i have done is pushed her away! my counselor says that i am insecure and the reason i am jealous is because of the fear that someone better thatn me is going to sweep her off her feet. I dont believe that i am good enough. that is so true, i don't I always feel that i have to prove myself to her and when I feel threatened i start up with the interrogations! it has become a darn broken record. My wife is great i know she love me but i need to change if there is any chance for my marriage. we have been together for many years now and i have been doing the same destructive behavior for a long time I am tired, and i know that she is also.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, and indeed many things to be proud of. We all have character flaws and many of us go a lifetime without recognizing them, let alone doing anything about them. You, on the other hand, have recognized your malady, and then have admitted to it and also taken aggressive, positive measures to eradicate it. Kudos! You'll be fine, bro. And I'm guessing your pretty wife will come running back to you the minute she finds out you've been going to therapy. That's a major turn-on for women: when a man admits to a shortcoming and then bites the bullet and seeks help. They LOVE the vulnerabilityit shows? YOur sex life with oyur life when she returns is gonna be steamin', man! Hang tough.

Last edited by DrummerBoy; 02-18-2010 at 11:39 AM..
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