Great Spouse vs. Great Job (wife, marriage, men, lover)

[jluyka]

So I've been offered a dream job which requires me to move out-of-state. Spouse is supportive of the job but not of the move (because of the state, not the move). We have a great marriage otherwise and I cannot imagine my life without my "other half" but if I pass up this opportunity, I'm worried about being resentful a few years down the line. Then again, if we up and go, who's to say that the resentment may not be targeted at me! p.s. Spouse is very unhappy at their job so this actually offers the opportunity for something new.

Has anyone gone through this? What did you do?

How do you think you'd handle this if you haven't had to face this?

[dreamofmonterey]

well, how long have you been married?. Its a tough call. We relocated for his family....It didnt help;

It depends on where you are moving to- are there things she will like as well? It also depends on where you are from- and where you are moving to.


sunny

[SElaine]

Seriously?

Marriage is a lifetime commitment and takes a lot of compromise. If your spouse is not supportive of the move, why even consider it? Find a place you both want to move to and then start looking for a job in that area. I can't imagine ever making a job (even a dream job) a priority over the happiness of my husband, lover, and companion.

[jluyka]

Sunny-We've been married almost 4 years. Spouse likes 4 seasons (we are from the Chicagoland area) and the job is in Texas. Spouse has been wanting to open a restaurant for a while so now would be the time....that is what my spouse plans on doing.

SElaine-I agree with you completely and my spouse is supportive of the move, just not the state. But do you not think that when a spouse has an opportunity like this (which can significantly help our lives overall) that the sacrifice be made on the "other" spouses part, especially since they are not happy at their job anyway? Again, I agree with all that you stated about priorities, but when does one spouse's career matter when both parties have to work to make a living for the family?

A co-worker suggested a compromise of moving and giving it 1-2 yrs. and if my spouse is completely unhappy, then to move back...this sounds reasonable but doesn't change our options or feelings one way or another, at this time...

[Sage of Sagle]

Go with the spouse, hands down. You're a team. Make the team work and everything else in life is gravy. If the team is split up over something like a job (which may or may not last or be what you expected) you could spend the rest of your life trying to fill the void.

I know men who have gone the way of the job-over-love and I only know ONE of them who didn't regret it SEVERELY later.

If you can get your spouse to "try" the move, sure. But if my wife was seriously dead set against something, it's not worth it. So your co-worker's idea has some merit, but by God you'd want to work that out in advance and in writing (so there's no changed perception or "but you promised" later down the road).

Personally, I think that if your new job has THAT much potential, you should come together on weighing the benefits and challenges and seeing if the large career benefits are worth it, versus your spouse just refusing carte blanche or you just deciding "I'm forcing the issue".

[Twinkle Toes]

Jluyka, it's your call but Texas? Seriously??? I would stay in Chicago and keep my marriage together if I were you!

[yellowsnow]

Who makes the most money? Supports the family? That's the job you take and follow. No matter what, the 2 of you have to support yourselves. That's the way it's always been. If your spouse doesn't like living wherever your job is, they can always get a higher paying job and you will follow. Fair is fair! There are times when we just have to suck it up and do what needs to be done.

If your SO wants to open a restaurant that's great. It takes time and it will be a while before they start making money. That makes it even more important for you to have the best possible job.

Good luck!

[pirate girl]

I think the trial period is a good idea- and a fair compromise. Maybe you could keep your home in chicago and rent it out to give your SO a comfort level that they won't be "stuck" in texas?

And I agree- I'd pick Chicago over Texas any day.

[mainebrokerman]

other great jobs may become available,,but other great husbands dont come so easily...

money isnt everything,,,,if you have a high quality of life right now,,stick with it,,,
i've been on both sides of this issue,,,and because i was carreer driven, i took the job,,,thinking the grass can be greener by paying for a new lawn,,,doesnt work that way,,the grass may be greener but the new neighborhood sucks(a thousand variables of how you like a new house/area) and you will compromise your family,,
you made a vow to your husband, not your job

[mainebrokerman]

Originally Posted by jluyka

Sunny-We've been married almost 4 years. Spouse likes 4 seasons (we are from the Chicagoland area) and the job is in Texas. Spouse has been wanting to open a restaurant for a while so now would be the time....that is what my spouse plans on doing.

SElaine-I agree with you completely and my spouse is supportive of the move, just not the state. But do you not think that when a spouse has an opportunity like this (which can significantly help our lives overall) that the sacrifice be made on the "other" spouses part, especially since they are not happy at their job anyway? Again, I agree with all that you stated about priorities, but when does one spouse's career matter when both parties have to work to make a living for the family?

A co-worker suggested a compromise of moving and giving it 1-2 yrs. and if my spouse is completely unhappy, then to move back...this sounds reasonable but doesn't change our options or feelings one way or another, at this time...

jl,,one to two yr,,trial period?? i dont mean to sound negative,,but ..good luck with that,,if you are flying high,,and your hubby is miserable,,,,no way you are going back...

jl,,if your new job,,can make enough money to support both of you,,,then as your hubby id consider it,,,, that'd give him time,,to look for something decent,,,,