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My boyfriend and I are on fixed incomes. We both drive old trucks that are in constant need of repair.
I really hate to see Christmas and birthdays come around. He has eight grandchildren. I am sure there will ne more of those in the future also.
They all live about 60 miles away. They always have these parties for these kids and they are all fairly close together when they have them.
I hate them, and it has caused a lot of arguments between us. He surely can not afford them and I long ago stopped giving. I ask him how many years is this going to continue? Until the grandchildren are adults. We could put this wastefully money to better use.
He still gives his grown kids 50 a piece for birthdays and Christmas. He used to give more, plus to the in-laws and his mother.I think he is nuts.
He has no savings in the bank, does not own a house and as I have said we both have junk vehicles, and fixed incomes.
What really ticks me off is his kids see us with these cars and we tell them we are not doing that well, and not one of them will say, you don't have to give anything. Most of them are not that well off financially either, but they keep spending, one has already lost thir home. They are not teaching their kids either. They have every new toy and video game there is. I just shake my head and keep it all in.
Am I wrong to be upset about this situation.? I have absolutely no security in this realtionship, and I get so upset when I have to go to these endless functions., seeing god money being thrown away.
Do you and your boyfriend live together or, more importantly, pool your financial resources? If you're both paying your own way then (and I'm sorry if this comes out too bluntly) it's really none of your business what he spends his money on. If that's the case then you can be upset about it but nothing is going to change. Getting into arguments about it is going to cause a major rift in your relationship and if push comes to shove he'll not give up his family for you.
If these parties bother you so much then don't go to all of them. Good luck!
PS: If you DO go then giving a card is better than giving nothing.
My boyfriend and I are on fixed incomes. We both drive old trucks that are in constant need of repair.
I really hate to see Christmas and birthdays come around. He has eight grandchildren. I am sure there will ne more of those in the future also.
They all live about 60 miles away. They always have these parties for these kids and they are all fairly close together when they have them.
I hate them, and it has caused a lot of arguments between us. He surely can not afford them and I long ago stopped giving. I ask him how many years is this going to continue? Until the grandchildren are adults. We could put this wastefully money to better use.
He still gives his grown kids 50 a piece for birthdays and Christmas. He used to give more, plus to the in-laws and his mother.I think he is nuts.
He has no savings in the bank, does not own a house and as I have said we both have junk vehicles, and fixed incomes.
What really ticks me off is his kids see us with these cars and we tell them we are not doing that well, and not one of them will say, you don't have to give anything. Most of them are not that well off financially either, but they keep spending, one has already lost thir home. They are not teaching their kids either. They have every new toy and video game there is. I just shake my head and keep it all in.
Am I wrong to be upset about this situation.? I have absolutely no security in this realtionship, and I get so upset when I have to go to these endless functions., seeing god money being thrown away.
I hope you don't mind but I had to segment this so I could organize your thoughts for a response.
This is your boyfriend and his family. It is his right to give gifts if he sees it fit to do so.
How they spend their money is really none of your business.
They are not responsible for your man's spending. And some would consider it rude to turn away a gift.
You are entitled to your feelings, but I think it is wrong for you to take this stance. I do understand that you may be struggling, but the way you present it seems to be pretty crabby and selfish. JMO.
Yes we live together. I paid for the place, and we split bills. He pays the lot rent. I am obviouslly worried about the future, whereas he is not.I don't think it is selfish to be worried about our futures. His family will not be there if I need financial help,not that I would expect it.
The money that is going to be wasted on toys that are thrown away, we could be buying a vehicle, pretty soon we will be walking.
Why should his family be there for you financially under any circumstances? They're HIS family, not yours. As far as it not being selfish to think about your futureS, maybe you should just worry about yours and let him worry about his. If either of your vehicles break down then each replace his own.
I really think you're on thin ice on this one! Good luck anyway!
If it is his family then he should make the choice whether to give them gifts or not...one does not give gifts in hope there will be a pay off...they give because they want the receiver to be happy.
If you are worried about toys being thrown away and your boyfriend still wants to give to the children, why not start a bank account for each child and make a deposit for holidays.....not as fun but at least you won't feel like they are throwing anything away...
...This is your boyfriend and his family. It is his right to give gifts if he sees it fit to do so.
I agree that it is his call. That said, I don't think it would be wrong for him to drop the $50. gifts to the adult kids...a card and a loving phone call will suffice for the grown ups. He can explain his tight cash situation and as adults they should understand. But how many adult kids does he have? We are not talking about hundreds of dollars per year, right?
But I do think that he should send a little something to each of the young grand kids -- a $20. gift from granddad is reasonable and doable in just about all budgets. He should not drops the gifts to the grand kids -- they get great pleasure from a package in the mail and opening a gift; such a token of remembrance matters a lot to them.
You push this issue at your peril, kathys. You are getting in the way between him and his kids/grandkids...and that's a place you should not be.
I guess I was raised differently. When I was a kid, many years ago, none of us grandkids got anything, and I am talking about myself and my brother, and all of our cousins.It was always like that,even for all the kids in the neighborhood.
Because my grandparents did not give us kids, all these so called presents and cash gifts, it did not make me not love or respect them, and I still have a lot of memories of them, not anout what thye gave me. It should be about time spent.
We were aware from an early age that they did not have the money, they grew up during the depression, so they made due with little or nothing.We were glad that they were just there, if they even were able to come. As we got older we bought for them if, and when we had the money. Now it seems to all be about gifts and giving.
If the boyfriend had money it would not be an issue with me.
Well, it may be that is what you are accustomed to, but it is not the way everyone else operates. It is understandable that you would think this way, but you shouldn't hold what he does against him. It is different, and perhaps inconvenient, but it is not wrong.
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