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I just read the article: mostly just girl stuff...boring....
But it made me laugh. I settled for....GRABBED the first one that showed an interest. Worked out great. I say a prayer of thanks for being steered in his direction, every morning.
When I first saw him...we were both seventeen-year-old College freshmen...both dirt poor, butt-ugly...there on scholarships and assistance, at a fourth-rate college. We were in 'Weightlifting 101', or somesuch. I was thinking "He's as pitiful as I am". He was thinking the same thing about me.
Within a few class sessions, and a few conversations, it became clear to each of us that we both saw ourselves as blank slates, there at college to become as much as we could be. We went together to whatever free things the college was offering...Biofeedback training being done by psych grads...modern dance workshops... first thing that resembled a date, he got me...after that, we did it with the frequency seventeen-year-old former virgins can be expected to. We married at Christmas...first baby that summer...
And slowly, we grew less pitiful. We stayed with the weight lifting. We got into health food, which did much to compensate for our childhood malnutrition. We proved to be excellent students, and excellent workers at our off-campus jobs. I found a source (now long gone) for Saks Fifth Avenue clothes, marked-down, out-of-stock, to nearly-nothing. So, we went from used K-mart rags, from Salvation Army, to shopworn Armani from Saks. And, still struggling, we started estate-building.
It was a struggle: three kids...starting tiny businesses...working for tyrants... living in slums while in grad school...moments when we were rolling pennies to buy food or make the mortgage on our first home/first rental property... a four-plex in a slum. But you can do those things when somebody's got your back. You can make it through all that, if you've got somebody strong and dependable.
So we worked as a team, and have gotten pretty far in life. Now, people call me an 'elitist', and have no Idea I grew up scrounging for food, living in a shack without running water. And he filled-out really well, after a year or so of lifting. At forty-four, his suits still have a fourteen-inch drop, from jacket to trousers. I try to remember the kid in the ragged T-shirt, hunched-over with bad posture, bad acne, ringworm-scarred scalp... But not a trace remains.
What I'm saying is that when we choose a mate, we're lucky if we can find a true partner in life. Romantic thrills and fairytale princes are maybe not so important.
This is the perspective of someone who grew up having a difficult life. Most of us in the US did have running water and that may make a difference in how we perceive our lives, futures and relationships. Most still seek attraction, compatibility, love and romance.
No, I am not comparing short guys to obese women. I am comparing men's and women's respective attitudes to looks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
And what is the short line to you?
Under 6 feet?
What difference does it make? Some of you gentlemen are neither handsome nor wise -- a fact that's been amply demonstrated in the several pages preceding this one.
good watch in which she says "Guys came up with 3 things that should click for them to agree for a second date while Girls had 300 different things that could cause them to not go out with a guy again"
My take on it is that women, on a first date, from the first few minutes they see a guy are evaluating him as a potential husband while men just take it as it comes. Hence women are much more judgemental right away.
More like men think of banging the women from the first few minutes if the attraction is there.
In the end doesn't everyone end up with "good enough"? I mean, if a man or woman describes the man or woman of their dreams, most men and women would come up with someone that doesn't exist, so in the end everyone ends up with "eh, close enough". I mean I want a polyglot mountain climber who is skilled in hand-to-hand combat, composes epic poetry in Achemedian Persian, and can play Chopin with his ass*, but in reality I know I'm just going to have to settle for "good enough"
Simple truths here. You can seek the PERFECT person for you the rest of your life--and die a virgin. Or you could take someone who is basically decent and has most of the characteristics you desire.
In the end doesn't everyone end up with "good enough"? I mean, if a man or woman describes the man or woman of their dreams, most men and women would come up with someone that doesn't exist, so in the end everyone ends up with "eh, close enough". I mean I want a polyglot mountain climber who is skilled in hand-to-hand combat, composes epic poetry in Achemedian Persian, and can play Chopin with his ass*, but in reality I know I'm just going to have to settle for "good enough"
*Sarcasm alert
Were you being sarcastic about all of it, or just the end? Because I can't play Chopin with my ass but I can fake the Persian and I can do the rest!
good watch in which she says "Guys came up with 3 things that should click for them to agree for a second date while Girls had 300 different things that could cause them to not go out with a guy again"
My take on it is that women, on a first date, from the first few minutes they see a guy are evaluating him as a potential husband while men just take it as it comes. Hence women are much more judgemental right away.
No. Men are just as judgmental. It's more than men are fine with dating a woman that is only FWB material just to have a regular sexual partner. And any woman that is FWB material will never become wife material or even reach girlfriend status.
In general, men are extremely shallow and judge a woman based on her looks. If she isn't attractive enough, she isn't going to make girlfriend status, and be relegated to being only good enough for a hookup or FWB.
By women having a list of 300 points to rate a potential boyfriend, they are showing that they are less shallow and judgmental than men. Those 300 points are actually giving men more chances to be a potential boyfriend...
Women are looking more for romance and a husband, and much less casual sexual relationships.
And women do need to be picky about who they decide to sleep with, after all, even in current society, a woman that sleeps with too many men is considered a sl*t and that will take her out of contention for eventually becoming someone's wife.
And men who sleep around a lot are admired by other men as "players". It's such a terrible double standard.
Great article! I think she's right on the money. She described me to a tee, anyway, lol. In my 20s, I was having fun, and didn't "worry" about finding Mr. Right. I just knew that he would be there someday. When I hit 30, I started thinking, "Omg, if I don't find him NOW, I may never have a family!" So at almost 34, I settled. Not the Mr. Wow This is It, but Mr. I Think He'd Make a Good Husband and Dad.
Did I do the right thing? Some days I think yes, some days no. Is it better than being alone? Yes, for sure. Would I have met someone else that would've been Mr. Right, if I'd waited a little longer? Who knows. I'll never know. Sadly I realize, like the author is saying, that if I should ever become husbandless (death or divorce), that my chances now (mid 40s with 3 kids) is WAY worse than it was then. So I guess I'll stick with the status quo, and do the best with it that I can. The alternative is probably worse anyway.
I've heard of this book and think she makes alot sense. The only thing I question is that she is not married herself. I think women are too judgemental in many aspects. Marriage is not suppossed to be like a fairy tale. A marriage is hard work, both my parents have told me this and they have been married 32 years. I have a sister that is married with a 2 year old and another baby on the way and although she loves having a family there are days she wants to strangle my brother-in-law. Again that's the problem with our society, everyone wants and expects everything to be easy. A great writer once said; "it is our imperfections which make us perfect," unless the guy does meth and/ or is physically or verbally abusive then stay away ladies!
I am no giant myself at 5 10" but one cannot really decide what they find attractive. That is a logical comparison when restricting it to a matter of taste. As for the ability to rectify the situation, that is something else.
We do like what we like, agreed. It just annoys me when someone tries to equate obesity to height because you can affect weight but not height. I also fail to see why height should be *so* much of a factor when it comes to women and their attraction.
Yes, I understand the whole caveman thing, height = strength that has evolved attraction switches in DNA but height would seem to be less a factor in attraction (and we're not talking 5' in a man, just the 6' cutoff that many women seem to have) than someone who is just a walking tub of goo.
Again, it could could be just me but it's wierd to hear: "let's see he's good looking, broad shoulders, six pack abs... but two inches below six foot so I'd better grab someone else." On the other hand, "yeah I guess she'd be cute but she's 300 pounds!"
But, as noted, we like what we like. I chose to not listen to women when they complain later in life that they can't find a good man because I know they rejected plenty of god men when they were in their prime.
Were you being sarcastic about all of it, or just the end? Because I can't play Chopin with my ass but I can fake the Persian and I can do the rest!
I was just aiming for a ridiculous combo of characteristics for anyone to have as requirements and threw in the Chopin to make it clear they were ridiculous
Funny thing is I just realized I know a mountaineer who is skilled in hand to hand combat is a polyglot and reads and writes Achemedian Persian, although I'm not sure she writes epic poetry, so this list wasn't as crazy as I thought
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-- a fact that's been amply demonstrated in the several pages preceding this one.
