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I 100% support this post. Trop and I are about the same age and in the same dating pool and she isn't saying anything I haven't in past posts. (I still can't figure out just how stupid the guys in TX must be to let her stay single....)
I turn 40 this month, I look at my parents and older relatives (and my awesome inlaws...widowed for those of you whom dont know) and look at how I want to be in 10, 20, 30 years. I want to be fit and active....I lost 40lbs in the last few years and went from the office butterball to the guy that is doing the Chicago Marathon this fall. My in-laws are in their late 70's and are still FULLY active and independent, I love them dearly.
At any age you want to be on the same page as your partner....financially, kids, life goals etc. I REQUIRE any girl Im going to get serious with at this age to be into fitness, not crazy, but just watch the food and get solid exercise. I went through 5+ years of godawful cancer with my late wife and while I would do it all over again....its STUPID to pick a partner in your 40's that is GOING to have serious health issues in the next 5-10 years and chronic thereafter.
Hardly??? Whatever. 60 yrs old is getting there, granted it depends on the person, some 60 yrs olds can be old and others more youthful.
I'm forty, put it this way, your average everyday woman on the street that is in her late 50 or early 60's I probably wouldn't be attracted to them. Again, it depends on the person, but in general no.
Yeah I'd agree with this. It's those that are the exception that we are all hoping to find. The average male, or female, today is overweight and terribly out of shape, and pays little attention to their appearance.
I just stumbled upon this thread and I have not read it all.. but wanted to add. Like many others I also was hesitant about online dating. But gave it a shot anyway back in 2001 by joining Match.com . I had a few dates, some were short and a single time, some a little longer. After a few months I did find someone I was compatible with. Although he was a bit resistant at first as he had previously been in a long-distance relationship that did not work out. However, we were only 50 miles apart. After many emails and phone conversations we agreed to meet. We've been married since 2004 and this is our bedroom wall.
I've been on match.com for a little over a year now, but I haven't been active the whole time. I go on a few first dates or maybe even more, then I get discouraged and turned off and stop for about a month. I'm finding there's usually a very good reason a lot of people are on match. I don't consider myself one who LOOKS for flaws in people I'm dating, but I can't help thinking in the back of my head "ok, when's the red flag going to pop up?" or I'm realizing I can figure these women out and what their deal is pretty early on. Now I'm no saint, but a lot of these women are on match.com because they just aren't dateable.
I've realized there's two types: 1. The hidden red flag: it's only a matter of time before you find out she's got extremely controlling parents, or she's a virgin, or she's got major ex-bf baggage that she won't let go of. These aren't bad things that I'm judging them on, they're just things I prefer not to deal with while in a relationship with someone. 2. The serial or lifelong daters: Some women are just not real. Like they aren't real people, their personalities are artificial, their expectations unrealistic, and they have been on about 5 million first dates that didn't go anywhere. The only good thing about these women for dates is it's a one and done and you don't lose too much time and money to weed them out, because they usually weed you out first. They've dated so many people that they won't allow themselves to emotionally connect, their souls are lost in a forever spinning abyss of inability to bond emotionally. Usually the first sign is the "perfect lifestyle". If you read their profile, they sound like everything is perfect in their life and they've got every aspect of life covered. No one want to come across as needy, but let's not step on anyone else's heads here, you're on a dating site because you're having trouble finding a date or a good boyfriend, why deny it? Your life isn't perfect. These women also act happy ALL THE TIME. "How was your day"....."it was the best! amazing!"..."oh realy what happened?"...."not a whole lot, you know, just a great day!". I applaud the positive attitude, but why over do it? It reecks of fake. I can smell it through the phone.
Sorry for the quick vent. Just my perspective lately on the online dating game. I've been on a couple dates/talking to a girl that I really like but the red flags are about to come out and I'm pretty sure I already know what they are. She's got over-controlling parents, she spilled to me her last two bf's dumped her because of her parents, and with the mix of a hardcore catholic girl I'm guessing she's still got her v-card and plans to stay that way until marriage. Pure speculation on the v-card, but if Vegas were taking bets I'd lay a hundo on it.
The last thing I would want to do is hurt someone's feelings and I'd never say that I found her unattractive but since you would have already exchanged an email or two you'd have to come up with some excuse for not wanting to pursue this any further. It would seem pretty rude to just ignore someone after you saw their photo without any explanation.
I agree. If I were going to be rejected over my appearance, I'd rather not know for sure that was the reason. I know match.com lets you see who viewed your profile. If they viewed mine but didn't contact me, at least I could take consolation in knowing that it might not have been my picture that turned them off. And actually, since my thumbnail would show up in the preview, if they viewed my profile, then that would probably mean they weren't turned off by my main pic. But if I post a profile without pics, they contact me asking for them, I send them pics and then never hear from them again, then it would be obvious what the problem was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onglet39
Meh, I am too old and the wrong race for online dating. Unless I want to start dating retired men who are 20+ years older than me. I don't even bother anymore.
The wrong race? That sounds like a pretty lame excuse. What's the right race?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy
At any age you want to be on the same page as your partner....financially, kids, life goals etc. I REQUIRE any girl Im going to get serious with at this age to be into fitness, not crazy, but just watch the food and get solid exercise. I went through 5+ years of godawful cancer with my late wife and while I would do it all over again....its STUPID to pick a partner in your 40's that is GOING to have serious health issues in the next 5-10 years and chronic thereafter.
I agree. If you say that looks matter, too often you're labeled shallow. Since when is wanting someone who values their health enough to eat right and exercise shallow?
The only thing my ex-boyfriends have in common is that for the most part, they all worked for the Government, or are in the military, and have lived overseas. It's more important for me to date someone I have a lot in common with, than someone who looks like Pierce Brosnan. My past boyfriends all look totally different from each other. Some were blonde, some had dark hair, some had no hair. One was 6'4", another was 5'9". I even dated a Democrat once
Yes, weight was an issue with my most recent ex - not just because he was seriously overweight but he didn't give a damn and continued down the road to an early heart attack. I make an effort to exercise and eat healthy most of the time, and while I don't expect perfection I do want someone who will be around long enough to grow old together.
Physical attraction is an important part of a relationship, especially at the beginning. Would you want to have sex with someone who physically repulses you? If the other person weighs 300 pounds, has bad acne and greasy hair, but a charming personality, would you really be able to get past the looks? Doubtful. No matter how easy going I am, getting into bed with "Milton" would gross me out.
I have my picture posted on match.com and other sites because I don't want a guy to contact me, and then reject me as soon as he sees what I look like. I'd rather that a guy initially find me attractive on two levels, for what I look like, and for what I wrote in my profile. If he doesn't like the whole package, why would I want to waste my time?
This post is exactly what I went through with my recent ex. He put on 120lbs over 4 years and didn't give a shyt about the way he looked or how it affected our sex life-hence no sex for 4 months. I stayed exactly the same if anything 5lbs. I tried everything from signing him up for gyms, personal trainers and losing thousands in the meanwhile.
I just stumbled upon this thread and I have not read it all.. but wanted to add. Like many others I also was hesitant about online dating. But gave it a shot anyway back in 2001 by joining Match.com . I had a few dates, some were short and a single time, some a little longer. After a few months I did find someone I was compatible with. Although he was a bit resistant at first as he had previously been in a long-distance relationship that did not work out. However, we were only 50 miles apart. After many emails and phone conversations we agreed to meet. We've been married since 2004 and this is our bedroom wall.
Don't know if you saw my post, but I placed an ad in 1998 on what was then called oneandonly.com - believe it was absorbed by match.com. My dh having recently divorced was only looking for online friends, but saw my ad and replied in 1999---we hit it off immediately. We've been happily married since 2000 and we live in Scotland where he is from.
Don't know if you saw my post, but I placed an ad in 1998 on what was then called oneandonly.com - believe it was absorbed by match.com. My dh having recently divorced was only looking for online friends, but saw my ad and replied in 1999---we hit it off immediately. We've been happily married since 2000 and we live in Scotland where he is from.
Yes I did see your post ! I know there are many more like us as well.
This post is exactly what I went through with my recent ex. He put on 120lbs over 4 years and didn't give a shyt about the way he looked or how it affected our sex life-hence no sex for 4 months. I stayed exactly the same if anything 5lbs. I tried everything from signing him up for gyms, personal trainers and losing thousands in the meanwhile.
120 pounds? Damn, and I thought 70 pounds overweight was a lot. Now, I'm no skinny mini myself, but at 41 I certainly haven't "let myself go" like a lot of people do, especially those who get married and have kids. I have a few girl friends who weigh well over 200 pounds, but they were a 115 pound size 2 when they got married. I wonder if something ever happened to their husbands, what sort of luck they'd have trying to find a boyfriend.
Yes 120lbs. It was crazy and sad at the same time...
Oh well, the hottie and I are going nowhere. He was very speicific on wanting kids and I do not want them at all. It is going no further..Next (if there is any)
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60 yrs old is getting there, granted it depends on the person, some 60 yrs olds can be old and others more youthful. 
