I love single moms! But only if they're GOOD moms... (date, wife)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What percentage of total single moms do you know, in America? I think the most any one person could know is .1%. Yet, you throw a huge blanket over a large group of people.
I'm being honest. How many single moms do YOU know that are looking for a mate? Very few, if any. Most single moms are looking for a father figure to their child.
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 03-04-2010 at 04:45 PM..
What percentage of total single moms do you know, in America? I think the most any one person could know is .1%. Yet, you throw a huge blanket over a large group of people.
For once, we're in agreement. I too get tired of people who make broad generalizations about an entire group of people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthsideJacksonville
I'm being honest. How many single moms do YOU know that are looking for a mate? Very few, if any. Most single moms are looking for a father figure to their child.
No, you're just expressing an opinion. I know plenty of single moms who AREN'T looking for a father for their child. I've even dated a few and none ever expected me to be a father figure. Have you done surveys? Have you gone out and collected data on all the single mothers?
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 03-04-2010 at 04:45 PM..
Lots of interesting comments on here. I appreciate the warnings that a few people have given but that doesn't worry me at all. It's one thing to date a single mom, it's quite another to get involved with her on a serious level. By the time I would consider investing in a relationship with a single mom, I'd have gotten to know her and her children well enough to suss out whether I'd get along with the kids and whether the mom was a good companion for me.
I've been through this in the past and the best part about having a girlfriend with children, for me, was typically the children. The worst part about breaking up was that the children had to be involved. They were the ones who got hurt by the fact that the adults couldn't keep the relationship together.
I take full responsibility for playing a major role in the failure of the 3 relatonships I've had with women who have children. In each case, the woman was truly interested in being with me and showed no interest in trying to make me a step-dad or saddle me with her bills. Those stereotypes might play out in the experience of others but I find it easy to see into the motives of others and it's not remotely attractive to me when a woman approaches me for reasons other than her interest in relating to me as an independent adult.
I'm being honest. How many single moms do YOU know that are looking for a mate? Very few, if any. Most single moms are looking for a father figure to their child.
I think "how" they became a single mom would play some bearing on this. If it was due to divorce, the kids have a father and another man won't take that place. He can help supplement it but not replace their real father.
If it was due to the father is MIA, then your scenario may come into play but not always the case.
Single mothers are still women who have the same wants and needs as any single woman when it comes to finding someone to have a relationship with. Children add another element to it but it doesn't change a woman's desire for male companionship.
I have dated a single father before. He was a great dad - the mom was out of the picture for the most part with the exception of a few weekends and holidays. The fact that he was a great father was part of what attracted me to him.
The problem with it was that he thought he had to be Super Dad. It interfered with our relationship, and while I was as understanding as I could be, there were just some situations that were not tolerable. You have to be prepared to play second fiddle to a child - it just comes with the territory - any good parent will put their child's needs first. I was too young at that point to spend the rest of my life sitting in the back seat, so I politely exited left.
Single mom here. I wanted, for so many years, to create a family unit for my son. I wanted a positive male influence for him, sure, but he had that in my dad and my brother. I'm a family kind of gal, so whether or not I had a child, I still would have wanted a family unit.
I think men are right to consider how these women came to be single moms. I was fortunate in that I didn't have a problem with men not accepting my son, but his dad was barely in the picture and that was a good thing. The problem was that when he was in the picture, it was a disaster with frivolous custody battles and, finally, a very life altering betrayal. I wouldn't have blamed any man for running for the hills during these times.
I can attest to the fact that not all women want, or even need, a man to be a father to their child. My son did quite well with the influences in my family. I'm fortunate in that regard.
I think a lot of guys are turned off because they enjoy being single, and do not want the constraints that come with a single mom. Having to find babysitters in advance, responsibilities of parenthood, or being looked upon as a father figure. Granted, a lot of single moms aren't out there looking for a daddy for their child, they just want what any other woman wants, a decent man. But lot's of men will avoid single mom's for fear that they are looking for a daddy, and someone to take care of them. In some cases it's true, not sure about what percentage of single mom's feel this way, but that's where communication comes into play. Each party should make their intentions and expectations clear before things get too serious.
I'm being honest. How many single moms do YOU know that are looking for a mate? Very few, if any. Most single moms are looking for a father figure to their child.
Not true for me. Obviously a man would have to fit into our family and our lifestyle, but my teenage girls already have a dad so I wouldn't necessarily be looking for superdad here and in a few years my girls will be moving out anyway. My next man will be mostly for me.
No, you're just expressing an opinion. I know plenty of single moms who AREN'T looking for a father for their child. I've even dated a few and none ever expected me to be a father figure. Have you done surveys? Have you gone out and collected data on all the single mothers?
The ones you've been with are few and far between or they didn't let you know upfront and let you find out on your own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita
I think "how" they became a single mom would play some bearing on this. If it was due to divorce, the kids have a father and another man won't take that place. He can help supplement it but not replace their real father.
If it was due to the father is MIA, then your scenario may come into play but not always the case.
Single mothers are still women who have the same wants and needs as any single woman when it comes to finding someone to have a relationship with. Children add another element to it but it doesn't change a woman's desire for male companionship.
That I can agree with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
I think a lot of guys are turned off because they enjoy being single, and do not want the constraints that come with a single mom. Having to find babysitters in advance, responsibilities of parenthood, or being looked upon as a father figure. Granted, a lot of single moms aren't out there looking for a daddy for their child, they just want what any other woman wants, a decent man. But lot's of men will avoid single mom's for fear that they are looking for a daddy, and someone to take care of them. In some cases it's true, not sure about what percentage of single mom's feel this way, but that's where communication comes into play. Each party should make their intentions and expectations clear before things get too serious.
That's what I was getting at. Some women, not all will hide the fact they have a child as a way to feel him out as a potential mate, then once she gets a good vibe from him, she'll let him know she has a child(ren). That's when it can get messy from there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
Not true for me. Obviously a man would have to fit into our family and our lifestyle, but my teenage girls already have a dad so I wouldn't necessarily be looking for superdad here and in a few years my girls will be moving out anyway. My next man will be mostly for me.
Stella Got Her Groove BackI will say if I meet a woman with child and the child is well-mannered, that will speak volumes about her parenting skills, which says a lot about her as a person. I wouldn't mind getting to know her and her child and would be open to the idea of being a stepdad to that child.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I will say if I meet a woman with child and the child is well-mannered, that will speak volumes about her parenting skills, which says a lot about her as a person. I wouldn't mind getting to know her and her child and would be open to the idea of being a stepdad to that child.
