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Wow, emotional attachments r easy to form hard to break. I have no quick fix. I think breaking such attachments is a process u actively work at. U can't avoid work interaction, but u can avoid having personal lunches or exchanges. Don't go shopping with money in your pocket if u don't want to buy. Good luck to the OP. It sounds like u r doing the right thing.
You both sit near each other at work, and no possible way for either of you to change depts./areas?
Thats not a good thing, and its not going to help if he is confiding in you about his home life with her.
I don`t know what advice to give you to help you move on, except just leave him alone. Good luck!!
No, we work in a really small office -- there are only 5 of us & there is no where to go. I did try to change to another location but I would have lost most of my hours & couldn't afford to do that. He won't leave as he is about to be promoted.
I've had a couple of these, but my relationships, back then, were crappy. Can't really remember how we met but it wasn't at work. I did feel a great attachment to them, but that was because I was being treated so poorly in my relationships. The SO's didn't find out, they suspected, but then they suspected anyone of the opposite sex. I did not end up with them, but I did pull back when I saw it was getting out of hand. To be clear, it wasn't because I was trying to be loyal to my BF at the time. It was because I knew that going any further could hurt the "other man". These things tend to lose their steam when the need for solace and comfort ends, much like a rebound. We found ourselves in that situation as a result of my relationship. It didn't run on it's own fuel. It did hurt, I missed them, but it got better after a while.
Yeah, my relationship with my SO has been bad for many years due to his verbal abuse. I know myself well enough to know that I would NOT have ended up in an EA had I not been in a very vulnerable position with him. This is NOT to place the blame on him for my actions. But, one sin is no worse than the other & his verbal abuse caused me to shut the door of my heart to him. Then along comes someone that opened that up again & it was easy for me to let that person in.
Yep, not good, but I never let it go too far. They were hard to forget and they were always at work.
You need to stop seeing him and confiding in him.
Okay thanks. I have been trying to avoid him as much as I can but we had hoped to stay friends. I am just realizing that is unrealistic. Its really hard to let go of the deep conversations we shared.
I know this doesn't exactly count as a EA but I'll tell you my brief little encounter: When I was with the ex in NC, I was about to start waitressing a restuarant. During my wait for an interview there was a guy waiting for one as well. Although he wasn't a person I would be attracted to, our conversation left me pretty "butterfly-y". I was like hmmm interesting.. So when we met to do final paperwork for the job, it was again the same situation and I knew it would eventually be big trouble. I decided not to take the position. I knew that could put me in a position I shouldn't be in so I decided to not put myself there. When the now ex and I went there for dinner several weeks later, he ended up passing by and quickly talking to me. Instantly the bf perked up and was like whos' that??? And why does he keep smiling at you like that??? (very secure man fyi) So I knew I made the right decision...(now I think I should have worked there knowing we're no longer together, LOL)
What is it about this guy who's leaving the mother of his child that is unshakable? Do you think she's done him wrong? Was their relationship in long decline and the pregnancy accidental? Pregnancy and abandonment don't sound like a winning combination to me.
He didn't leave her. He is staying with her but is really ambivalent about marrying her because they've had such a rocky relationship. His words to me were, "Well, anyone knows me knows that I will be there for the baby and to help her but I am just not sure about getting married". He would never abandon his child. In fact, I think he will end up marrying her because he is a very sweet person who wants to do the right thing. Sometimes I feel like he didn't leave her before because he feels sorry for her.
I am not 100% sure about the pregnancy. It sounded like the pregnancy was a complete surprise to him but I could be wrong. He was literally telling her they needed to get separate apartments when their lease is up in June, when she broke the news to him. I thought the timing was very strange because she had known for at least a month before that & never told him. My other thought was that after our EA, he felt guilty & maybe agreed to seeing if they could have a baby. But, I can't say for sure if thats the case. I do know he was surprised by it though. And I do know he is really torn up about what to do as far as marrying her or not. Honestly, I think he wants it to work so much because he just keeps trying with her. But, its been a really difficult relationship for him.
I know. I am seriously worried for him. I told him maybe it would give them a common goal & things would be better. Maybe it will bring her some happiness. IDK.
Do those with an emotional affair with a computer count?
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