Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What a sticky situation: Friends of mine are splitting up, and I like them both. But, I would have to associate with each behind the others back, as there is animosity between them. Has anyone else dealt with this? What have you done ?
If they are both your friends, you should be able to keep both. If your only relationship to one person is through their partner, then you needn't keep that person. I had "friends" that were only friends of a girlfriend, when that association ended, so did their association with me.
If either one is expecting you to cut off the other, that is not a friens. Tell them that you are not going to choose and if one of them expects you to, he/she has made the choice for you.
I treat it like its between them. Obviously, you want to avoid rubbing either party's nose in the fact that you've been in contact with the other, but I don't feel it is my business to take sides.
Just this Thursday, I encountered a situation about this. In discussion with another couple, the name of the divorced man came up and my friends got rather "animated" in their condemnation of him. I guess they heard her side of the story and that was that. I don't look at these situations like I had hidden cameras in their house. There are two sides to everything and unless there were criminal sanctions, who's to say they really have the full story. Even then....
I suppose that this case was the relatively rare instance where the man instituted the split. Women tend to always side with the women in any event but especially in this case. I suppose their husbands go along to play it safe.
The two parties may decide for you. I made it my choice to dissociate myself from the mutual friends of my husband and myself after our divorce. I just wanted no part of that life anymore.
When my ex and I split, a friend and business associate of mine told me that he and his wife, who worked with my ex, had discussed the split and decided they were refusing to take sides. He said that his wife was telling my ex the same thing. Then he mentioned that my ex had approached him at a party and started to bad-mouth me, but that he had interrupted her and told her that he didn't want to hear any of it, and said he didn't want to hear any trash talk from me either.
I appreciated his honesty and their approach to an awkward situation. My relationship with them didn't change, and I assume their relationship with my ex didn't either -- which was fine with me.
And for the record, I've never said anything bad about my ex to anyone. She's still the mother of my children and not a bad person. We simply had differences that we couldn't work out.
Why chose. This is between them not between you and them. With that being said, sometimes it is inevitable that friends do chose sides. In my situation that is something I will not ask any of our friends to do.
My best friends got divorced years ago and I was the best man at the wedding but have remained close to both of them ever since. I think in most situations you wouldn't have to break off contact with one of them. Afterall, they are separating themselves from each other, not from you.
I guess the question really is, is either of them pressuring you to take their side?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
