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Old 03-09-2010, 08:16 AM
 
Location: North America
1,089 posts, read 1,393,557 times
Reputation: 1077

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It is absolutely incredible how much of a difference having confidence in yourself increases your attractiveness to others. I'm sure this is true for women as well but I'll just talk about my own personal experience.

First, confidence is not something you either 'have' or 'don't have' and you don't need looks, status, accomplishments or possessions to have it. Confidence is nothing more than a state of mind. Confidence is closely related to relaxation and being at ease with where and who you are.

I find that my level of confidence varies a lot and it's negatively effected by:
1. Illness
2. Exhaustion
3. Stress

Now for the effect it has as it relates to women. When I'm confident:
1. Women are look at me more and hold eye contact longer.
2. I more readily notice women attempting to initiate eye contact and flirting, and I respond more easily and appropriately.
3. I'm comfortable flirting and being flirted with.

I haven't found a way to instantly 'switch' to a confident state. But I do find that I'm much more likely to feel confident when I eat properly and exercise, get enough sleep, and practice relaxation/meditation techniques. That might sound weird but think about it, confidence is basically the opposite of nervousness. So the more things you can do to create a relaxed atmosphere in your life overall, the more likely you're going to feel confident at any particular moment.
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Old 03-09-2010, 08:21 AM
 
7,339 posts, read 7,583,510 times
Reputation: 6675
I feel more confident when i take the time to get a haircut, dress nicely and have had a good week overall and stuff like that. Yes it does make a big difference. When my confidence is low i wont even go out at night because i know its a waste of time.
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Old 03-09-2010, 08:28 AM
 
4,384 posts, read 1,975,652 times
Reputation: 1612
Confidence is mental.

It all starts from thinking one is worthwhile.
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Old 03-09-2010, 09:01 AM
 
16,623 posts, read 14,132,744 times
Reputation: 11487
i agree, cu, but it isn't just that simple. for some a confident state of mind is squandered if you don't demonstrate it somehow. what you're describing is confidence paired with social skills and motivation.

Last edited by le roi; 03-09-2010 at 09:09 AM..
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Old 03-09-2010, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Tempe, AZ
740 posts, read 687,290 times
Reputation: 441
Quote:
Originally Posted by cuinlalaland View Post
It is absolutely incredible how much of a difference having confidence in yourself increases your attractiveness to others. I'm sure this is true for women as well but I'll just talk about my own personal experience.

First, confidence is not something you either 'have' or 'don't have' and you don't need looks, status, accomplishments or possessions to have it. Confidence is nothing more than a state of mind. Confidence is closely related to relaxation and being at ease with where and who you are.

I find that my level of confidence varies a lot and it's negatively effected by:
1. Illness
2. Exhaustion
3. Stress

Now for the effect it has as it relates to women. When I'm confident:
1. Women are look at me more and hold eye contact longer.
2. I more readily notice women attempting to initiate eye contact and flirting, and I respond more easily and appropriately.
3. I'm comfortable flirting and being flirted with.

I haven't found a way to instantly 'switch' to a confident state. But I do find that I'm much more likely to feel confident when I eat properly and exercise, get enough sleep, and practice relaxation/meditation techniques. That might sound weird but think about it, confidence is basically the opposite of nervousness. So the more things you can do to create a relaxed atmosphere in your life overall, the more likely you're going to feel confident at any particular moment.
And it doesn't only help with relationships. It helps with all human interactions, from work to how you get treated in a store, everywhere. Also, I find that when I am confident all the little hassles in life are easier to deal with. They seem humorous rather than annoying
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Old 03-09-2010, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,124 posts, read 2,776,346 times
Reputation: 3312
Great topic...Great posts and insights. You made my morning...thanks. When I was small I was a shy wallflower..I didn't have much confidence and felt extremely self-conscious...I used to admire my Mom because she felt comfortable talking to everyone...She always knew what to say to put people at ease. She showed genuine interest in all her friends and everyone loved her...My Mom had a fantastic sense of humor and sense of playfulness...yet she could be serious too and was well-versed about current events and important issues of the day. She was a wise soul and chock full of ideas and insights about all aspects of life.....As a small child I felt overshadowed by my Mom. I Felt mad that nobody paid much attention to me.....Then one day I realized that I was a pretty boring and self centered person. I didn't have much to offer to others. My Mom had a way of making people feel welcomed and wanted and special and I didn't....My Mom remembered everythng about everyone and asked her friends caring and concerned questions about their life....My Mom was in the "giving" mode and I had been in the "getting" mode.....Little by little I became more of a "giver" myself thru the years and gained more internal security and confidence...and more friends too.
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Old 03-09-2010, 10:18 AM
 
930 posts, read 1,531,877 times
Reputation: 963
Well lets flip this around. Have you ever known a really homely woman who exuded self confidence? Did you want to date her?

Choose one 1) No. 2) Hell No.

I'd work on some actual self improvement like working out, improving your face, grow some hair (hello bosley hair clinic....), education, career.

Unfounded confidence is quickly interpretted as arrogance.
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Old 03-09-2010, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Tempe, AZ
740 posts, read 687,290 times
Reputation: 441
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beena View Post
Well lets flip this around. Have you ever known a really homely woman who exuded self confidence? Did you want to date her?

Choose one 1) No. 2) Hell No.

I'd work on some actual self improvement like working out, improving your face, grow some hair (hello bosley hair clinic....), education, career.

Unfounded confidence is quickly interpretted as arrogance.
I'm a fairly confident homely woman and have never had much of an issue getting dates or being in a relationship. You have to work with what you were born with. I didn't get a stellar face, so made sure the rest of me was as good as possible
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Old 03-09-2010, 10:23 AM
 
6,046 posts, read 7,284,695 times
Reputation: 1863
I disagree. I don't care how confident a guy is...if he is overweight, he is not attractive to me. Nothing wrong with it, I just do not find that attractive- again, doesn't matter if he the most confident or nicest person in the world. A person is either attractive or they aren't...confidence can't change that.
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Old 03-09-2010, 10:26 AM
 
851 posts, read 2,010,127 times
Reputation: 389
If you are not confident, just learn how to act. I always tell myself to act as king. I always think: would a king do this? What would a king react to this?
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