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Spoiled1, I know you're only relaying the story but it's so vague and has so many possibilities for going off in different directions that in about ten seconds during and after the reading of it I thought nearly everything which others have stated in the thread, from him playing a game and keeping you in reserve to his possible homosexuality.
Frankly, I'm kind of leaning toward the homosexuality thing, but that's his business and none of mine. His behaviour is curious to say the least.
In your shoes I'd stop looking at this man as a prospective anything other than friend. He's proved his communication skills are lacking with the opposite sex, he's been back and forth with the attentions (possibly attributable to shyness, but that ice has been broken for a long time) and you're right about his actions seeming to lead you one way only for him to abruptly throw up a wall with the "as friends" deal, seeming to emphasize it.
Frankly, I think Mango Tango nailed it and a few other people suggested things which add nuance to the solution. I'd be warm and friendly, casual and easygoing -- but I would NOT invest any hope or other-than-friend inclination into this guy. I have a feeling if you go down that road you'll find that either A) he's homosexual and you're shocked/disappointed, or B) you'll end up sleeping with him and then he'll back off suddenly afterward, dropping the friendliness and doing his best to just let the whole thing vanish, preferably as gently and non-commitally as possible.
Thanks. I believe you've hit the nail on the head. I've already made up in my mind that I shouldn't hope for anything more than friendship with this man. I am however, cutting the wishy-washy, passive-aggressive conversations OUT. That's really the issue here. Thanks again for the input.
Okay, here I go again. I started a thread back in January (He likes me, He likes me not?) about a guy I met in church. We hung out a couple times had a great time, I thought he liked me, dude ended saying he's not dating until find his one...blah, blah, blah.
Long story short, saw him at church 2 weeks ago after not talking for almost a month. He's been texting me EVERYDAY since. Let me just say I'm not complaining cause I enjoy it and love his personality. I would love to get to know him more if given the opportunity. Anyway several times last week he's said "we should hang out again soon". So I'm took that as a hint. He even ended up taking the same Monday night class at church as me. ( could be pure coincidence). He's being very polite and kind--brought me a new notebook for the class and even brought me 4 CD's that he made for me, etc. Maybe it's me, but WHAT GUY DOES THIS IF HE'S NOT INTERESTED? So last week after getting the "we should hang out again soon" text several different times, I told him I was free on Saturday. He already had plans. Cool. So he said "let's hang out next weekend". So today in a text convo planning for the weekend he said we're "tentative for Saturday...as friends". I'm not sure why but that hurt my feelings and pissed me off at the same time!!! HE is the one who is hinting around, giving me things, acting interested, and even flirting. I have in no way suggested we are anything more than friends. Guess I'm overreacting, but WTF? I just feel like he emphasized the "as friends" part for no reason. He's the one coming on strong. What is up with men, I just don't get it. Should I even bother "hanging out" with him?
LOL I think he is shy that you might not like him, or maybe he does not wants to push it. So I would say to give him a chance. But let him call you.
LOL I think he is shy that you might not like him, or maybe he does not wants to push it. So I would say to give him a chance. But let him call you.
Thanks. He does all the initiating contact with me. This is why he's so confusing. I'm not buying the "too shy" talk because we met in December and have been out twice and he's seen and talked to me several times since then. He should feel a level of comfort by now. Just my opinion. How long do you guys stay shy?
Thanks. He does all the initiating contact with me. This is why he's so confusing. I'm not buying the "too shy" talk because we met in December and have been out twice and he's seen and talked to me several times since then. He should feel a level of comfort by now. Just my opinion. How long do you guys stay shy?
I still feel a little shy with the girl I'm interested in right now and we've known each other for about 2 months. The shyness comes out in the form of hesitating to take things to the next level even though I'm 95% sure she wants to. But there's no way I would back pedal from "let's go out" to "let's go out...as friends"!
I still feel a little shy with the girl I'm interested in right now and we've known each other for about 2 months. The shyness comes out in the form of hesitating to take things to the next level even though I'm 95% sure she wants to. But there's no way I would back pedal from "let's go out" to "let's go out...as friends"!
I understand what you're saying. Me and this guy have been out before, but perhaps he didn't see those as "dates". So I find it odd that he's suggesting that we hang out, and do so as friends now. Seems like that would've been done upfront. I don't mind us being friends, but it's just something about how he made a point to include that. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but I think I'm being led on too.
I understand what you're saying. Me and this guy have been out before, but perhaps he didn't see those as "dates". So I find it odd that he's suggesting that we hang out, and do so as friends now. Seems like that would've been done upfront. I don't mind us being friends, but it's just something about how he made a point to include that. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but I think I'm being led on too.
You've received all kinds of suggestions about what his reasons might be, but there's really no way any of us, or even you can know what he's thinking and feeling.
Me personally...if I asked a girl to hang out but specified that it was "just as friends" it would definitely mean I'm NOT interested in anything more, and I just wanted to make that clear. If I was at all on the fence I wouldn't qualify the offer at all, I'd just say: "Do you want to hang out?"
But you never know. Just look at the moronic notions some guys on this forum have about the way women are and how to deal with them. It's entirely possible he is interested but thinks he's moving too fast for you, and believes that by saying: "As friends" he's giving you space.
If I were you I probably wouldn't go out with him. I'd still be friendly and nice and even flirty if I felt like it, but I'd probably not want to even start up anything until he really REALLY wanted to go out with me. And NOT just "as a friend". Coffee after church or whatever would be acceptable, but I wouldn't waste my weekends making a "date" that really isn't. Wishy washy people are the worst.
Spoiled, I don't know how old you are but I was in a similar situation as you when I was 21 and in grad school. There was this really hot 24 yr woman in one of my classes that thought that I was hot, nice and cool. So she asked me if I wanted to go to a movie. Sure enough, I took her up on the offer. She asked me out again for dinner and I took her up on the offer.
Like you, I thought that we had gone out on dates and that she liked me that way. Well, after the 3rd date I asked what we were doing. She told me that she just wanted us to be friends. I couldn't figure out how that could be; so I kept seeing her thinking that it was going to be more and that she was just confused right now and that she would change her mind. Long story short, we ended up being friends and hanging out as such but it took my feelings being hurt by her to finally get it.
Don't go out with this guy again thinking that he is confused and at some point he will come around. He had made it clear that you two are friends and you have to accept it. I think that you have accepted it but don't start thinking that at some point he will change his mind. Thinking that way will only bring you more hurt when he doesn't change his mind. Just be his friend.
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