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I do ask a lot of questions; I like getting to know people. And I don't mind when others ask me questions. It just seems like since I've been here vs. where I was the basic introductory questions went from "What did you study in college" and "Do you like such and such place" to "Why did your parents let you move away for college" and "Tell me all about that doctor appointment you just had" ...
I just keep telling myself that it is just different. But yeah. I ask questions and sometimes it works (aka the person talks about themselves for a bit, and reciprocates with the same sorts of questions) but a lot of times it turns into "Oh, you're from NEW ENGLAND and therefore an alien so let me interrogate you with this probe!!!!!!!"
Okay, so I might be exaggerating. But it feels like that!
I'm not trying to make excuses ... I know I have to just put myself out there, and I have been doing it more the past few weeks and have plans this weekend and next week to do specific, non-apartment-based activities. I am crossing my fingers!
I just keep telling myself that it is just different. But yeah. I ask questions and sometimes it works (aka the person talks about themselves for a bit, and reciprocates with the same sorts of questions) but a lot of times it turns into "Oh, you're from NEW ENGLAND and therefore an alien so let me interrogate you with this probe!!!!!!!"
Being from New England definitely justifies the alien probe.
I think you're still new enough there that you can ask questions about the city/state, to get it off a personal level. Find out what is going on around town, goos places to visit as you get used to the surroundings. Find out if there are any events they are interested in. It could result in tag-along invites which could develop into friendships.
There are as many introverts as extraverts, but you'd never know it by looking around. Introverts would rather be entertained by what's going on in their heads than in seeking happiness. Their big challenge is not to feel like outsiders in their own culture.
Great article. Thanks. Unfortunately, people will still continue to confuse introversion with shyness and still look at introversion as a flaw and extroversion as something to aspire to.
Too funny! I was at B&N this weekend and noticed the issue on the stand because it was out of place. A great article but unfortunately, as DC said, people will still look at introversion as a flaw.
Too funny! I was at B&N this weekend and noticed the issue on the stand because it was out of place. A great article but unfortunately, as DC said, people will still look at introversion as a flaw.
It'll take a long time before introversion is recognized as something that's normal. As an introvert, I would frequently see comments from my teachers on report cards saying that I need to speak up more in class. Never mind that I got an A or that I always showed respect to my teachers, unlike some of my more extroverted classmates who would be disruptive. And in college, it was even worse. I'd have classes where 20% of the final grade was based on class participation. What a joke. So you reward points to people who talk just for the sake of talking and penalize the people who aren't comfortable speaking in large groups. I'm sure educators will say being able to speak up will better prepare you for the work world. But not necessarily. I've been working for over 10 years and at several companies. I have yet to see a correlation between how extroverted someone was and how good of an employee they were. Being an extrovert may help you at an interview, but once you get the job, all the extroversion in the world won't help if you're incompetent.
It'll take a long time before introversion is recognized as something that's normal. As an introvert, I would frequently see comments from my teachers on report cards saying that I need to speak up more in class. Never mind that I got an A or that I always showed respect to my teachers, unlike some of my more extroverted classmates who would be disruptive. And in college, it was even worse. I'd have classes where 20% of the final grade was based on class participation. What a joke. So you reward points to people who talk just for the sake of talking and penalize the people who aren't comfortable speaking in large groups. I'm sure educators will say being able to speak up will better prepare you for the work world. But not necessarily. I've been working for over 10 years and at several companies. I have yet to see a correlation between how extroverted someone was and how good of an employee they were. Being an extrovert may help you at an interview, but once you get the job, all the extroversion in the world won't help if you're incompetent.
I know what you mean though as I grew older I became more outspoken and may appear extroverted to the casual observer. But being an intorvert I'm more comfortable in small groups and sometimes prefer to listen rather than talk. Being in a customer service oriented line of work I am often mentally spent at the end of the day from having to deal with people.
How long have you known that you were one? I found out recently that I have more introvert personality traits than extrovert. The bad thing about this is that growing up I thought I had to be outgoing, have tons of friends and have quick responses or opinions about things. Therefore, I tried making friends with people who were extroverts which is fine, but I probably would have made better introverted friends.
Where do you draw the line between being an introvert and just being boring? I go to play dates with other moms and there is a common denominator in all of these get-togethers. I am on the side-lines and it has always been this way.
All of us new moms met each other around the same time and it seems that some have hit it right off. Yes, they are more outgoing and I can't help but think that if I was just a little more like them, I could feel part of the group. However, my personality just won't allow it. If I and another person want to speak at the same time, I usually back down and let the other person go first. This usually means that I don't say anything at all because I had the same thoughts as the other person, or realized that my thoughts were in the minority or the subject has changed. So it is very easy to feel left out.
I guess I could try to meet up with introverted mothers but chances are they already have good friends. BTW-My closest friend has no children, is still working and attending college so we don't hang out that much anymore.
So, when it comes to moving away from close friends and family, do you find it more difficult to make new close friends?
I have not read any of the other responses but WOW, it sounds like you are talking about me. I have always felt a little like an outsider. Although I try very hard to talk to people like you did above, but my voice is not heard, etc.
It really became apparent when I had children and started staying home. It is so hard to make friends. When I do make friends, I am always the one calling to set up a coffee date, etc. It gets tiring after a while and I feel like I am being a nuisance so I tend to give up. Nobody ever initiates to get together.
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