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Old 09-13-2010, 06:41 PM
 
260 posts, read 410,913 times
Reputation: 135
I am introvert too - playdates make me uncomfortable. My child is extrovert so her outspoken personalty makes me uncomfortable at times.

I am definately quiet at work everyone always said "your so quiet" and at school too. I used to hate that.

Now i am a stay at home mom and love it. Don't need to listen to that stuff anymore and just be me.

I also need time to myself or i get really cranky.
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Old 09-14-2010, 09:28 AM
 
7,292 posts, read 7,774,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by midagegirl View Post
I am definately quiet at work everyone always said "your so quiet" and at school too. I used to hate that.
I was at a job where a coworker came over to me and said that. I was thinking to myself, "some of us actually work and don't just sit around talking all day." He was in sales and, like so many sales guys, he spent most of the day socializing.
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Old 09-14-2010, 02:30 PM
 
Location: West of the Mississippi
162 posts, read 59,328 times
Reputation: 171
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
I was at a job where a coworker came over to me and said that. I was thinking to myself, "some of us actually work and don't just sit around talking all day." He was in sales and, like so many sales guys, he spent most of the day socializing.
Nope, you just post on web forums instead. Now get back to work.
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Old 09-14-2010, 03:52 PM
 
7,292 posts, read 7,774,254 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R.P. McMurphy View Post
Nope, you just post on web forums instead. Now get back to work.
LOL. It takes a few minutes to run a build script every time I make a code change. That gives me a nice window to post.
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:31 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,352 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by pirate_lafitte View Post
I have been to Starbucks many times and I wouldn't fully believe that the coffee scene is fueled by extroversion. I can go to Starbucks and not talk to anyone other than the barista for a stay up to 3 hours(and I have done it). Usually, if I am talking to someone at Starbucks, it is someone I know very well. Other than that, I usually don't do much talking at a coffee place and I notice that the people who are talking are talking to persons they know.

I agree with this. I like going to coffee shops, specifically Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, but it's not because I really want to socialize or anything like that. As an introvert, and more specifically an INFP, I like to be alone amongst a group, while studying or reading, and not feel awkward while doing so, and coffee shops are the perfect place to get that experience. A lot of people go to coffee shops to sit by themselves and get work done, and aren't necessarily there to chat and socialize.

Now, to answer the questions that the OP asked. I first figured out I was an introvert, when I was 18. I was having a conversation with a coworker and she told me that I was introverted, just like her boyfriend. I didn't really know exactly what she meant by that, until a few years later,when I saw the same word again, in the title of Marti Laney's book, Introvert Advantage and read the book. It explained, a lot, and it really validated for me that I had an introverted temperament and that it was ok to be that way.

As to the other questions, I think that other posters have done a good job tackling those and have basically said what I would have said.

Last edited by FallenofTrack; 10-03-2010 at 09:20 PM..
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Old 10-03-2010, 08:43 PM
Status: "soft lips are open. them knuckles are pale" (set 28 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
4,547 posts, read 3,576,338 times
Reputation: 4684
Introverts just need a drink or two
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Old 10-17-2010, 05:49 AM
 
2,728 posts, read 2,437,918 times
Reputation: 1890
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philosophizer View Post
Introverts just need a drink or two
Always worked for me as!

I am the OP. It took me a while to read the entire thread. Thank you all for responding. There were some very good answers.

I have been thinking about this subject but especially about my behavior and the reactions I receive.

One thing I did not consider was that I grew up around many boys but these boys were not at my grade level. I could handle teasing and was very outspoken. I was extremely good with outdoor activities and knew how to build things with my hands.

Unfortunately, this hurt me while at school. One girl could not stand me, perhaps because I stood up to her and probably because the boys liked me, and she literally turned the entire class of girls against me, even my best friend. I realize now that many of the girls were just afraid of her.

Also, I noticed these girls tended to be more sensitive to teasing especially to somebody who hadn't learned and accepted the pecking order. If I said one thing "wrong" it was held against me. Not that girls could handle teasing. They could because I heard them teasing each other but following a pecking order.


This impacted me negatively mainly because nobody in my family could explain these matters to me and when I did try to bring up the subject, it was shut down with me being called a "wimp" or "baby cry". This shot my confidence. Not having my confidence pretty much meant that I was spending more time trying too hard to say the right thing which resulted in saying things that were stupid.

Anyway, I spent my remaining public school years having boys as friends. Which had impact then and now. I did well in manufacturing environments where men mainly worked. I also did well in office environments as long as I kept my mouth shut. However, I often noticed that when I did say something "rude" I had to apologize quickly.

This also has impacted me in my private life when trying to get along with females. I try to be funny and then *it seems that everyone gives the look* to each other. After that, I just shut up and put up with the the same topic of conversations, e.g. baby sleep habits, diaper rash ointments, who haven't we seen in a long time, look what I got at a great price.

Here is my final observation: When I say something questionable, it receives silence or looks. When somebody else, who clearly knows the "rules", or has some other quality that is desired or has been a friend longer, says something questionable, it receives laughs.

A perfect example is an in-law who seemed to take offense to what ever I said. For example, I say, "oh, cool, that monkey is trained to find fruit." She answers in a snappy way, "Maybe the monkey doesn't like it." Yet, when her brother-in-law, somebody she only met once before, called my husband a gay slur, she laughed.

Here is my final thought: I have learned to be more confident. I have learned that I have to be choosy about my friends. I have learned that it is okay for me to make mistakes and if somebody uses my mistakes against me, they are not worth being nice to or friends with.

I have very few "good" friends as a result of this thinking and I am making progress in just being socially competent in everyday conversations. I no longer live in anger of the past or in fear at the future. In the end, what I want is what I got and if I don't have what I want, I have to start making different choices now.

Thanks for participating and reading.--Crisan

Last edited by crisan; 10-17-2010 at 05:58 AM..
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Old 10-17-2010, 07:31 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL (Northside)
2,908 posts, read 3,405,189 times
Reputation: 2692
Not everyone desires to be the center of attention. My theory is that extroverts will go to great lengths to fit in, oftentimes resorting to being something/someone they're not just so folks will notice them. I'm an introvert because I like my solitude but I also like being sociable around others. Unlike some people (you know who you are) I don't feel the need to belittle others for being introverts. Do you.
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:28 AM
 
4,384 posts, read 1,691,121 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Philosophizer View Post
Introverts just need a drink or two
Or maybe people should hold more complex psychology and attitudes. People are different.
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:48 AM
 
4,384 posts, read 1,691,121 times
Reputation: 1612
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisan View Post
I have several questions for introverts.

How long have you known that you were one? I found out recently that I have more introvert personality traits than extrovert. The bad thing about this is that growing up I thought I had to be outgoing, have tons of friends and have quick responses or opinions about things. Therefore, I tried making friends with people who were extroverts which is fine, but I probably would have made better introverted friends.

Where do you draw the line between being an introvert and just being boring? I go to play dates with other moms and there is a common denominator in all of these get-togethers. I am on the side-lines and it has always been this way.

All of us new moms met each other around the same time and it seems that some have hit it right off. Yes, they are more outgoing and I can't help but think that if I was just a little more like them, I could feel part of the group. However, my personality just won't allow it. If I and another person want to speak at the same time, I usually back down and let the other person go first. This usually means that I don't say anything at all because I had the same thoughts as the other person, or realized that my thoughts were in the minority or the subject has changed. So it is very easy to feel left out.

I guess I could try to meet up with introverted mothers but chances are they already have good friends. BTW-My closest friend has no children, is still working and attending college so we don't hang out that much anymore.

So, when it comes to moving away from close friends and family, do you find it more difficult to make new close friends?
Your questions are just pop culture nonsense.

It astounds me, in this thread there are high earners, Ivy League graduates, and yet you can't understand that people are different, and don't have an exact character/mentality to you?
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